I blew up at my husband tonight, and I'm not sure I feel bad about it
Oh dear Lord, I am so upset and frustrated!!
My dh suffers from depression. Extreme, debilitating depression. He has been this way for years. He has tried a few different meds, he sees a therapist but is not doing a whole lot to help himself. She has given him lots of things to do and try that would help him feel better, but he refuses.
Every day is the same promises: I'll get up in the morning, I'll look for a job, I'll pitch in and do housework while you're at work. Every day it's the same. Nothing
Today he was in a bad mood. He has been wanting to move out of state and I am not willing to do so. He is not getting his way so he is upset. He is disappointed so he sleeps all day. All week long I have been putting off buying Easter things for the kids. He told me he'd do it today. Well 7 pm rolls around and he's still in bed. I am PISSED. I kept asking him kindly to please get up, that I will go to the store but one of us has to be awake to watch the kids. I asked him several times and he kept saying " stop stressing, I'll get up in a few minutes".This went on for an hour.
I then asked him to please get up so I would not have to drive back home when it was really dark, and he said "Oh boo hoo, you may have to drive in the dark, waa". Now I have not got the best eyesight and I need new glasses. This comment really set me off. I blew up. I told him "I am not the one who is too weak to handle life or anything that is not perfect. You're gonna mock me? You're the biggest wuss I know, you fall apart and head to sleep if life isn't what you want it to be. I am sick of your depression being used as a weapon to bludgen me with, sick of you using it to punish me with when things don't go your way. Now I'm sure you will fall apart and sleep another week, but I don't even care anymore"
UGH, he got up about a minute later. I went out and cooled off. I am really not sure how much longer I can do this. I love him, I do, but I can't stand this. He needs to help himself and he won't. I would do anything for him but I clearly can't help him against his will....