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He Slept With Our 4 Year Old For 3 Years....

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Because he was too lazy and stupid to go buy her her own bed for when she was at his house. Now he's 4 states away, and I can't get her to sleep in her own bed. All I keep getting is "But Daddy let me sleep with him." And when it's 10:00 and I'm still fighting with her to stay in bed, in her own room, I get "But Daddy let me get up and watch him play video games." 

I don't know what to do...I'm at my wits end. I thought once he was gone, we could get back on a normal schedule, but it's been months and things seem to have just gotten worse. I don't know what to do or how to make her stay in her bed. Should I just let her start falling asleep with me in my bed and then putting her in her own bed and hope that oneday soon she'll get the urge to sleep in her own bed? Or should I just keep going through the nightly battle of fit throwing, temper tantrums, and screaming outbursts from her as I keep putting her back in her own bed in her own room?

And just for the record,  I know she's not trying to play us against eachother becuase I went over to his house a few times to spy...I mean, play video games...just to see what the night time routine looked like and I know for a fact that these things happened. 

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:08 AM
Replies (81-90):
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:28 AM

She's four, and she just lost her daddy. She's reaching out for comfort from her mama. Is there really any harm in letting her sleep with you?

I don't understand this emphasis on the way things are "supposed" to be. There are no rules. If she's having trouble sleeping, help her sleep. =]

by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Please don't do this. =[

Quoting SweetPea2004:

Have you tried to babygate her in her room or lock her door (unlock once she is asleep). She needs to learn that is her room and sleeping space.

by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:30 AM
I moved mine at 3.5,
I got her a twin bed and cool new bedding. About 2-1.5 hours before bed, she got to pick out a movie. I'd lay with her for part of the movie(lights out) and tell her I had to do something. I'd get up and once the movie was over, turn on a lamp(soft light) and read. It was "chill out before bed" time, time to wind down. Then light would go off and I would sing a couple songs. Some days she wouldn't make it through the movie.
If she insisted on getting up after I sang. I'd take her back and tell her it was time to sleep. Give her a warning. If she persisted, she started losing toys/TV privalages for the next day(got to stick with it). Finally if she still did it, spanking.
We have our routine now that some nights she asks to play a game (cards etc) instead of a movie, she knows though that bedtime is at a certain time, if she's going to make a fuss she can go straight to bed with Nothing the next night except a book and singing.
Do you have a nightlight? My DD would get the closet light on with it cracked bc she was afraid of monsters...
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by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:33 AM

How long has it been since you've been battling with her?

by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:35 AM

 lay down with her in her own bed until she falls asleep would be my suggestion


by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:37 AM

Supernanny seemed to have a good routine for this. I used to watch her show. Just Google her, I think she's got a page still? 

I'm huge on not bribing or dancing around my children. Those methods are only short- term solutions that create long- term behavioral problems. Just tell her "NO". Explain that what Daddy does in his house is Daddy's decision, but in your house you have firm rules that don't change! I need my sleep space, if I don't get it, I'm unbearable the next day... DH, myself and the kids don't need that! They are better off in their own beds with a happy Mommy the next day. Except for times when they were running high fevers and needed close monitoring, our kids do not sleep in our bed.

Good luck, you can do it!

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:37 AM

Quoting Oceana09:

I've tried the stickers and all I got was attitude. She says she doesn't want the prize. She's never had an attitude like she does now. And I wouldn't mind if she came in later in the night, early in the morning. But she won't even go to sleep unless she is in bed with someone else. I tried the big girl thing and all I got was "I'm not a big girl." with no explanation as to why she thinks this. I can't handle it anymore. I'm at my wits end but I don't want to be one of those mothers that takes their kid to a shrink to be put on meds just becuase I can't handle her. Just because I can't handle her and she has bad habits doesn't mean that there's something medically wrong with her kwim?

Quoting Sunshine257:

I don't know what I would do we put our son in his bed but most of the time around 4 am he
Comes into our bed and I am to tired to move
Him. We had a hard time at first but now he knows he sleeps in his own bed unless daddy works nights then he sleeps with me. We read to him or tell him a story give him
Warm baths at night. You could try the you're a big girl and big girl's sleep in their
Own bed. Maybe try a sticker chart and give
Her a small prize at the end of the week if she stays in her bed. I don't know I am at a loss. I hope someone can give you some good advice.

Ever thought she may be upset over him being so far away now?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:38 AM
4 moms liked this
Co sleeping isn't stupid and since he is her father, he had every right to make that decision.
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by Anonymous 18 on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:41 AM
Keep on mind she probably misses her dad and that is more than likely part of the reason she is acting out. She needs you to be consistent.
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:45 AM
I hate spanking for things your child already hates. My sister does that, like spanking them (making them more upset) is going to help them calm down for bed..... sorry I just read through a reply saying spank.

I think laying with her in her bed will help her transition better, its what I had to do with my toddler when she started sleeping in her own bed.
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