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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it "normal" for her to still be so upset??

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:21 AM
  • 64 Replies

if you are going to bash me, don't bother responding please

we lost my FIL back in January of 2012.  my dd was VERY close to him and she is still struggling with the loss, she talks often of him and says she misses him and will cry.  Is this "normal" for a child?? I try to reassure her that he is watching over her and we will all be reunited one day.  I also tell her that it is okay to feel sad and miss him, we all miss him. 

anything else I can do for her?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Yes; I do think it's normal. There's no timeline for grief. We follow the stages as WE'RE ready; not by a textbook. In saying so however; how old is she and have you got her counselling at all since the death? It may help. :)
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sfkdny
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:45 AM

she is 6 (just turned 6 a few weeks ago)- we have not gotten her any counseling. 

Birdseed
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:47 AM

There are age appropriate books that might help.  Also counseling.  It's been more than a year.  That sounds a bit excessive if it's happening on a regular basis.

finnbar
by Silver Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:47 AM
I would seek out a grief counselor who specializes in kids if at all possible. And continue to validate her grief.
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EmilysMom2010
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Awww. Poor thing. :-(
I hope you find something that helps.
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sfkdny
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:50 AM


thanks, just the other day - we were on the way to a sleepover and she said "mommy, daddy asked me if I wanted to go play golf with him soon.  I said yes, but it will not be as much fun since pop pop is not here" (the three of them went to play golf when she was like 3 and she remembers that day so fondly).  she then began sobbing uncontrollably asking "why did pop pop have to get cancer, why did he have to die" - ugh, it pulls at my heart that she is so sad, I wish I had the magic words to make her feel better :(

Quoting EmilysMom2010:

Awww. Poor thing. :-(
I hope you find something that helps.



sfkdny
by Platinum Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:51 AM

I think I will do this, thanks


Quoting finnbar:

I would seek out a grief counselor who specializes in kids if at all possible. And continue to validate her grief.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:51 AM
Not normal at all. Kids usually bounce back very quickly. I would suggest counseling.
owl0210
by Emerald Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:51 AM
I was 6 when I lost my nana but I honestly don't remember how it affected me. I'm guessing I didn't take it that hard.
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PoplarGrove
by Gold Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:52 AM

It's normal.  Everyone grieves in their own way.

You could try planting a tree or bush or long lasting, hardy flower in honour of your FIL that she could talk to and visit.  For years after a family friend who was like a second father to me died I went once a month to his grave and just sat there with him. I still miss him and at times will cry and he's been gone 24 years.  Having something "real" to talk to helped me through my grief.  

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