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SO Had his surgery a week ago and he's up moving around and refuses to take his meds for pain. So he's irritable.
He's left the house many times for store runs, his friends house, whatever.
I can't leave the kids with him because he can't lift them. He didn't participate at Easter with my mom, he stayed home (he misses every holiday with the kids except baby's birthday in January).
So, he can leave the house (just did just now) whenever he wants (like always) and now I can't leave the kids here because he's on a lift restriction to 8lbs.
I just want to cry. I want out of the house without the kids for a bit... I'm also on my period so maybe I'm just being a big baby...
But I really am needing a break.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:47 PM
Replies (61-66):
by Ruby Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this
I have always had strength. Its slowly coming back. I know what MY problem is and identifying means I'm ready for help/treatment which I am doing (therapy). I've. found myself again and it'll be over soon... like July... unless he shapes up.

Quoting coleysmama:

Again, I think it's your warped way of thinking that makes you say he's a good father.

Being a good father (to me) would entail being a good role model, involvment in holidays, physically helping with the kids and being a fair and good partner to his SO.

I hope you do find the strength to shine one day.

Quoting hp2011:

I completely understand but please know that he's good to my boys. He's not perfect, neither am I. I know I'm not gonna be w him forever. I've come to terms right now, but right now its working somewhat well. I'm sacrificing, but that's what moms do. I'll get my time to shine, and soon. Very soon.

Quoting coleysmama:

You're making excuses.

A tad less shitty is still shitty. It seems like it's better because he just has always been so damn awful that you've lowered your expectations.

You have extremely low self esteem and are willing to accept this terrible life because it means he'll stay and you'll have a "family". That is a terrible example for your children. Do you want them to think that's how men are and thats what women should deal with?

Im not saying these things to be mean but its so sad and frustrating to see women who do this and drag their kids along for the shitty ride.

Quoting hp2011:

He HAS made improvements. Big ones. Its not nearly as bad as it was. I'm just venting. When/if I'm ready to quit I will.

Quoting coleysmama:

I don't get it.

From everything you've posted in the past, he's just an all around selfish, abusive, douche. Why do you expect anything else from him?

Either move on or accept it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 2:38 PM

Talk with  him, even if you've already done so before. Let him know how wrong it is that you don't have that freedom.

Quoting hp2011:

If he would just give me a little more freedom we would be fine. That's what's frustrating.

Quoting Lizardannie1966:

I really hate to say it, but maybe it's time to start considering whether or not you really want (or should have) a future with him? :/

I'm sorry you go through this and I can't blame you a bit for feeling as you do.

Quoting hp2011:

Yes. the surgery is his first valid excuse for not watching the kids. I would be more compassionate if he weren't always like this. his social life is more important than mine.

as for holidays, I don't know... he's just got no interest in family functions.

Quoting Lizardannie1966:

From the way I am reading this, he behaves this way regardless if he's had the recent surgery or not. Yes?

If so, there's an unfair imbalance going on in your relationship.

Can I ask why he misses all the holidays? Why doesn't he participate for the sake of the kid's?

by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 2:39 PM

That sucks. :/ Maybe you should see if he can watch the kids like in the living room playing or something while you go take a bath and eat chocolate. That way if he really needs you all he has to do is yell.

by Ruby Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 2:39 PM

Call a relative? a friend? Hire a babysitter. We all deserve time away once in a while.

by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 2, 2013 at 2:43 PM
My fiance got in to a car acident a week ago.. I know how you feel.
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Yeah, I learned that lesson the hard way. Lol. I try to talk more about things that bother me now.

Quoting hp2011:

He had gotten better about it but still not where I need him to be. I understand what you're saying.

Quoting overweightmommy:

Try to suck it up until he's off of restriction. If he doesn't stop after, say something.

If he did it a lot before, it probably would've been better to say something before; because now he has a good excuse and could potentially drag it out past when he's off of restriction.

Starting weight: 217

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