I F****ED UP. ediet witth what i did at bottom in red
so im loosing my family. i made a mistake ( no i didnt cheat) and dh is hurt and angry. understandable. we talked i thought he was going to leave (praying he wasnt) but he said id be on a probation period.
That night he was all loving and affectionate and we had sex. The next morning we went on a family tripfor the weekend and everything was fine.We came home and again he was all over me, we had sex and held each other when we went to sleep.He was super loving most of the weekend.
Yesterday morning it was fine, spoke to him in the afternoon fine again.
He comes home that evening with the look of hatred in his eyes and refuses to speak to me. I feel asleep while he was watching tv on the other couch and he left me there( he never does that) I wake up at 4:50 am and go into bed and try and move his dog because im freezing and wanted to be close to him. i get " oh what did you think you could have my body heat or something...sorry no!" So I stayed at the edge of the bed ,crying, trying to sleep.
He wakes up in the morning kisses dd and is super loving to her and turns to me im and says " im going to work BYE!" and slams the door. i ask him if he has suddenly changed his mind about us staying together and he startes screaming and yelling thats all i f**** care about. and then in a snide comment says oh what you hoping ill leave so u can go run home to your family (out of state) or are you just trying to get child support out of me!?! i looked at him like wtf? and told him no i just didnt want to loose him, and i love him. he slamed the door and left.
He comes home tonight doesnt speak a word. kids go to bed and i sit out in the garage where he isblasting music and drinking hard liquor and wait for him to say soemthing..anything at this point instead of making me constantly wonder where we stand.
He starts blasting music about being over it, and moving on, and goodbye lover and all kinds of crap to make me sad. i walk inside and cry and he gets mad i left!!! well he wasnt talking and was ignoring me completely. so i went into my room to get study for a test i have coming up and he comes in and makes a bullshit comment about how I must be doing something else to hurt him.
i get hes hurt, and angry and i know i made a mistake but wtf is with telling me he forgives me and we will be fine and then acts fine for four freakin days then all of a sudden its like he hates me and wants me around only to hurt me. He will not talk about it or give me a straight answer if we are working this out or if one of us is leaving. He just says thats what I want, and I want his money for childsupport or to run off with his kid. WHICH NONE OF THAT IS TRUE!!! I cry and he asks what the fuck is my problem, I explain I dont want to loose him and I'm told thats all I care about. what is wrong with not wanting to loose my husband and wanting to know where we stand???
im starting to think he made his choice and is trying to make me suffer by wondering what will happen. i dont know weather to start planning to find a place i can afford or move with family or just wait and see. I WISH HE WOULD JUST TELL ME ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
DH went snooping through my emails and facebook and phone while i was alsleep and saw i sent a photo ( not a nude photo or anything like that but still kinda sexy looking) to a guy i have know and been friends with since before i ment dh.