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what would you do if your dh... update, day 5

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Of 6 1/2 years told you he slept with another woman and she was pregnant?
dont answer with the " he would never do that to me " because that was me. I never thought my dh would do something like that but he did.
I have kicked him out and am now trying to sort it all out. Btw he told me this morning.


Okay this is day 2 of knowing and i am so very thankful for my friend. She is an older mom (mid to late40s) and i am in 25. She always knows the right things to say.  I have just been praying and praying about this. I feel so calm yet just want to punch him at the same time. I know in my heart that revenge is not the answer. God will deal with that one day. The thing is not only am i faced with him committing adultery but also having this love child come from it. I am being hit from every direction, I do want to hurt him right now. I want to punch him in the face and kick him down and just inflict pain on him but i know thats not right and i don't want to see his face right now. Temptation got to him and the devil made its way into our lives. He wants to ruin our life and has found a way to really get me.  I know God is with me an will guide me. Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Thats all i have for now.

update day 3

so yes today is day 3 and after finding the verses, psalms 2:12 "Blessed are ALL who take refuge in Him" and psalms 4:4 "Be angry and do not sin" That one really helped me last night. 

As much as i do want to hurt him and i was thinking that keeping the kids from him would hurt him and i would feel so vulnerable to him by letting him see that kids. Last night i the kids showed me that they need their dad around. I had him come over after work and see the kids. He got the chance to but them to bed last night. Pretty much the whole time he was with them i was shaking out of all the emotions that were going through my head at the time.

I did talk to him after that. I know in my heart that God was/is with me. That is the only explaination to how calm i am right now. I am not a rational thinker. I do usually go towards revenge. I guess i just want to get it all over with at once. inflict as much pain as posible now, this week and just have it be over with and let the healing start from there. I don't want to start healing and have the scab ripped off again and again. When we talked i asked him if he can cut contact with her the next couple of weeks. At first he said no he could not do that but i showed him how much that hurt me and that every time he talks to her now what little is left of me is just crushing more and more. I was not asking him to cut contact with her for forever just for a couple of weeks so we can work things out or try to work things out. He told me that if they don't give the baby up for adoption he wants it to be a part of our lives. That was one of the reasons he said he couldn't cut contact with her. I told him the baby won't be coming in the next couple of weeks.

When he called her and told her that he needed to work on his marraige and wife she got really mad at him. 

Okay thats all i can type for now. I just ask that you please pray for us. I know God has put me on this dificult path for a reason and that he will guide me  and walk with me, but right now I just wish he could show me is plan and lay in all out and say this is how it will end. I want to see the ending now, i want to see what i should be working for.

update Day 5: yesterday we spent most of the day talking. I still can't eat and have to force myself to drink water. Yesterday night I got about 5 hours of sleep and last night I got about 4 hours. I feel numb. When we talked he told me how he felt and how wrong he was in doing what he did. And that instead of talking to her he should have been talking to me. Just because we are talking doe not mean that I forgive him. My kids keep asking about him and the other night one of them kept crying for daddy. That's when I told him that he can come over every night after work and visit with the kids. We also talked about what would be best for the baby. I know I am not the mother but I do know how he wants his kids raised. We talked about a lot of the "Ifs" If we(all three of us) keep the baby and who will care for it and if he really wants that baby added to the mix on what she does and where she leaves her other kids. I know we are careful on who we leave our kid with. I also said how I wouldn't want to pay child support. If they/we keep the kid in our lives, that I am a SAHM and the child can stay here half the time. Also on how torn that child would be if lets say my parents didn't accept it. What then when the kids is older and my kids go to my parents and that kid can't go, or for Christmas The big gifts usually come from my parents and say they didn't want to get that child something. Also how her life would be impacted. She has other kids to worry about and care for. what about when she gets in the 3rd trimester and can't work anymore. Would it be right to keep a child even if she lives in a hotel. I told my husband that I don't think is his responsibility to help her find a place or to help her pay for it. I know that the baby will have a safe place in our home. If she can't provide that on her end then to bad for her. We also talked about adoption. We understand that its not our choice but when we talk to her I feel like we should give her all the options. I know right now she said no to adoption but I think she is hoping that my husband would go with her and leave me. With adoption she will get help with a lot of things and for counseling. There is just so much going on. We are starting marriage counseling soon, next week I think.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:23 AM
Replies (41-50):
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:08 AM
4 moms liked this
I'm very spiteful I would destroy his fucking body. I will be the one to say my dh will never do this but if I ever was in that situation with another man I would kick his ass bloody I'm talking psychopathic shit. Then I'm going after her, pregnant or not. He will not reproduce after I'm done with him. I'll go bankrupt looking for the best lawyer, he will be on child support, and I'm smashing his Xbox and home made computer. But like I said I'm spiteful and a bitch. I'm so sorry OP and that truly is hurtful and unforgivable, good luck in whatever you choose and many blessings down the road.
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by Platinum Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:08 AM
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I'd kick his ass to the curb.

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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:08 AM
1 mom liked this
Kick him in the balls as hard as possible. And make sure he knows it's coming and stand there for it. Like tell him you're going to, make him watch you put on your tennies, make him stand in front of you with his legs spread. Then kick him good and hard. Then make him wait on you hand and foot. :)

(Yes, I can be a bitch)
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by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:11 AM
I would say divorce if a baby was in the pic
I gave him the chance and stayed to work it out, but the damage was done with just an affair.

Im sure many will still think and say,'he would never do that.

Yeap i was one of those too, there are tons of us who thought that at one time.
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by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:13 AM
I did it... we are now stronger then ever. It was 4 years ago.
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:17 AM
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First off, I'm so sorry! I can't imagine what your going through ((hugs))

Second, I would pack his shit so fast his head would spin. I am all for working through the hard times and not giving up BUT adultery and abuse are my deal breakers.

Peace out Jack ass, hope she was worth it. That's my answer.
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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:17 AM

obviously there are a lot of factors to be considered here. Does he have feelings for this woman and he is planning on being a part of this childs life? if he is and you stay together  can you deal with having a stepchild that is a product of an affair? being a stepmom is hard enough i am one and my dh and his  ex had been divorced for over 10 years when we met and she still acts like im the other woman. theres a woman in my stepmom group that  her husband had an affair that produced a child and they reconciled  and its very hard for her emotionally to deal with it. if you do reconcile make him work for it and lots of therapy but don't just welcome him home with open arms because then the behavior will repeat. whatever happens im sorry for your heartbreak and i wish you the best. do what is best for you and your children.

by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:27 AM
Same here. I'd probably be too shocked at first though. Then I'd take the kids and move

Quoting xtina8817:

Idk...I don't scream and yell...I think I'd just break down

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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:28 AM

I guess I would just pray for the strength to do whatever it is I needed to do if he was truly sorry and dedicated to me and the family we built. If he wanted to go through the long and arduous task of counseling both together and individually as well as being responsible for his new child (I would never want a child to suffer because the dad temporarily lost his marbles) then I would try to make it work for as long as it made sense.

HOWEVER: If he started with the excuses and showed no repentance then I'd turn into Lorena Bobbitt before he would even relize his pants were down

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:20 AM
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This made me lol... maybe just super glue it ti hus hand.

Quoting HaleyBree:

 I am sorry that happened to you mamma! -hugs!- I would probally act like nothing was wrong and as he slept I would glue his dick to the mattress or whatever and would leave! lol

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