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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

what would you do if your dh... update, day 5

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Of 6 1/2 years told you he slept with another woman and she was pregnant?
dont answer with the " he would never do that to me " because that was me. I never thought my dh would do something like that but he did.
I have kicked him out and am now trying to sort it all out. Btw he told me this morning.

update*

Okay this is day 2 of knowing and i am so very thankful for my friend. She is an older mom (mid to late40s) and i am in 25. She always knows the right things to say.  I have just been praying and praying about this. I feel so calm yet just want to punch him at the same time. I know in my heart that revenge is not the answer. God will deal with that one day. The thing is not only am i faced with him committing adultery but also having this love child come from it. I am being hit from every direction, I do want to hurt him right now. I want to punch him in the face and kick him down and just inflict pain on him but i know thats not right and i don't want to see his face right now. Temptation got to him and the devil made its way into our lives. He wants to ruin our life and has found a way to really get me.  I know God is with me an will guide me. Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Thats all i have for now.

update day 3

so yes today is day 3 and after finding the verses, psalms 2:12 "Blessed are ALL who take refuge in Him" and psalms 4:4 "Be angry and do not sin" That one really helped me last night. 

As much as i do want to hurt him and i was thinking that keeping the kids from him would hurt him and i would feel so vulnerable to him by letting him see that kids. Last night i the kids showed me that they need their dad around. I had him come over after work and see the kids. He got the chance to but them to bed last night. Pretty much the whole time he was with them i was shaking out of all the emotions that were going through my head at the time.

I did talk to him after that. I know in my heart that God was/is with me. That is the only explaination to how calm i am right now. I am not a rational thinker. I do usually go towards revenge. I guess i just want to get it all over with at once. inflict as much pain as posible now, this week and just have it be over with and let the healing start from there. I don't want to start healing and have the scab ripped off again and again. When we talked i asked him if he can cut contact with her the next couple of weeks. At first he said no he could not do that but i showed him how much that hurt me and that every time he talks to her now what little is left of me is just crushing more and more. I was not asking him to cut contact with her for forever just for a couple of weeks so we can work things out or try to work things out. He told me that if they don't give the baby up for adoption he wants it to be a part of our lives. That was one of the reasons he said he couldn't cut contact with her. I told him the baby won't be coming in the next couple of weeks.

When he called her and told her that he needed to work on his marraige and wife she got really mad at him. 


Okay thats all i can type for now. I just ask that you please pray for us. I know God has put me on this dificult path for a reason and that he will guide me  and walk with me, but right now I just wish he could show me is plan and lay in all out and say this is how it will end. I want to see the ending now, i want to see what i should be working for.

update Day 5: yesterday we spent most of the day talking. I still can't eat and have to force myself to drink water. Yesterday night I got about 5 hours of sleep and last night I got about 4 hours. I feel numb. When we talked he told me how he felt and how wrong he was in doing what he did. And that instead of talking to her he should have been talking to me. Just because we are talking doe not mean that I forgive him. My kids keep asking about him and the other night one of them kept crying for daddy. That's when I told him that he can come over every night after work and visit with the kids. We also talked about what would be best for the baby. I know I am not the mother but I do know how he wants his kids raised. We talked about a lot of the "Ifs" If we(all three of us) keep the baby and who will care for it and if he really wants that baby added to the mix on what she does and where she leaves her other kids. I know we are careful on who we leave our kid with. I also said how I wouldn't want to pay child support. If they/we keep the kid in our lives, that I am a SAHM and the child can stay here half the time. Also on how torn that child would be if lets say my parents didn't accept it. What then when the kids is older and my kids go to my parents and that kid can't go, or for Christmas The big gifts usually come from my parents and say they didn't want to get that child something. Also how her life would be impacted. She has other kids to worry about and care for. what about when she gets in the 3rd trimester and can't work anymore. Would it be right to keep a child even if she lives in a hotel. I told my husband that I don't think is his responsibility to help her find a place or to help her pay for it. I know that the baby will have a safe place in our home. If she can't provide that on her end then to bad for her. We also talked about adoption. We understand that its not our choice but when we talk to her I feel like we should give her all the options. I know right now she said no to adoption but I think she is hoping that my husband would go with her and leave me. With adoption she will get help with a lot of things and for counseling. There is just so much going on. We are starting marriage counseling soon, next week I think.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:23 AM
Replies (421-430):
SissyAnn141
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:36 AM
2 moms liked this

 

Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 He would be gone.

 He would be packing as -I was yelling.


 




Siggy is Clickable to group

abouttobeamom
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:46 AM

he would be out on his ass hnding me some money to get by...he can live on the streeet for all i care, if he cared enough then this would never happen...im sorry for your situation, i am happy you have support in this issue. i pray that you will over come this and i know you will be a better person, although not a very trustful one after this....my prayers are with you and your children and what ever decision you make, whether you leave him or take him back....either way, it for the better of you and your children, whatever you choose

Anonymous
by Anonymous 81 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 5:07 AM
I'd crush his skull
LiliM
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 6:13 AM

There's a lot of violence in here.  Wow.

I would ask him to leave, file for divorce, and move along.  Probably cry a lot.  I could work through cheating, maybe.  I don't know.  But a kid?  I think that would be more than I could deal with. I already dealt with him having one crazy mean ex that he has a child with.  I don't need to put up with a crazy mistress who was no friend to my marriage.  No thank you.

But no need for violence.  I could be civil, take care of the legal crap, get my kids on schedule, and move on with life.  Sad as hell, but I would do it. 

katiebeth1821
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 6:34 AM

Its a hard thing to decide you have to decide could you live him him know what he did. It might not be good for you to get back with him only cause if you cant get over it and everytime you look at him it pisees you off the kids seeing that cant be good. i think first thing is go to someone to talk it out with him so that way stay with him or not you guys can get along around the children.Even if you are not with him cause the kids you are going to see him so you guys need to get along.

  I think kicking him out was the right thing to do now you guys need to get help talk it out and see if you can love him like that again.You are always going to love him but in a different way im talking can you look at him and love him the same way when you guys got married if not thats ok but thats what you got to figure out

Susan0805
by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:04 AM
He would then be my "EX" husband, because I would kick him out and file for divorce... Cheating is a deal breaker.
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Fluffy40
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:18 AM
2 moms liked this

There are so many factors.  DO you love him and does he love you?  Was this a long time relationship or just a fling.  If he is sorry and it was just a fling then you can probably save your marriage.  If not then figure out what you want out of the marriage both property and pride and leave with your head held high.  It is so easy for people to say they would kill him or leave but when it happens to you and there is a marriage and love and children at stake, it isnt that easy.

TigressLily
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:23 AM

God bless hun. I haven't went through what you're going through, but I can only imagine that it is very tough and stressful. Stay strong.

kalikala154
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:01 AM

I don't know OP and I hate that you are having to go through this.  I am unsure how I would react in such a situation since people react to different scenarios and various ways.  I doubt I would be violent since I wouldn't want something like that to be on record should a divorce and custody battle were to happen.  I also wouldn't want my kids to witness that type of reaction and believe that the way to deal with bad situations is by yelling and hitting.  

I do know that I'd probably ask him to leave so I could spend a few days figuring out how I wanted to approach the situation.  However, the pregnancy and possibility of an STD would probably be a deal breaker.  Hugs OP.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 76 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:01 AM
1 mom liked this

The devil did nothing.  Your husband is a mature adult who made a decision to satisfy his urges without taking into account the vows he took.  It's his failure of his own character.  Don't forgive him by blaming the error on anyone or anything else.

Quoting Anonymous:

Of 6 1/2 years told you he slept with another woman and she was pregnant?
dont answer with the " he would never do that to me " because that was me. I never thought my dh would do something like that but he did.
I have kicked him out and am now trying to sort it all out. Btw he told me this morning.

update*

Okay this is day 2 of knowing and i am so very thankful for my friend. She is an older mom (mid to late40s) and i am in 25. She always knows the right things to say.  I have just been praying and praying about this. I feel so calm yet just want to punch him at the same time. I know in my heart that revenge is not the answer. God will deal with that one day. The thing is not only am i faced with him committing adultery but also having this love child come from it. I am being hit from every direction, I do want to hurt him right now. I want to punch him in the face and kick him down and just inflict pain on him but i know thats not right and i don't want to see his face right now. Temptation got to him and the devil made its way into our lives. He wants to ruin our life and has found a way to really get me.  I know God is with me an will guide me. Psalm 34:18 "the lord is near those who have a broken heart and saves those who are crushed in spirit" Thats all i have for now.


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