I miss my old life. I hate being a mother, I hate being a wife, I just hate this rut I'm in.
I love my husband and I love my kids, don't get me wrong. I'm just so tired of the same thing every day. Get up, deal with kids, deal with husband, clean house, do whatever needs to be done that day, deal with kids, cook dinner, bedtime, repeat.
We only have 1 car, we can't afford another with our credit and our bills. Me getting a job is pointless because it wouldn't pay for daycare and a second vehicle. I'd be working for nothing because we'd still have more bills than we could pay. So on the days I need the car, if I need to do the grocery shopping or have appointments or just want to get out of the house, I have to rush to get my oldest off to school then back home to take husband to work so I can have the car (we are lucky enough to live across the street from my son's elementary school so I just have to walk him over). But if hubby has an appointment on a day I want the car, then I'm just screwed because he refuses to walk even though all the clinics are just 1 BLOCK from his office. So if we both have an appointment that day, I have to walk to 7 blocks to the clinic while he only walks 1...and yes, it has happened.
Sometimes I just wish it could be just me again. Before I met hubby. Or before we had kids. I was working a job I loved, we were happy, and I had my own car. I never had to ask to go somewhere, never felt like I had lost myself. I always knew who I was. But now...Now I just feel like I'm on autopilot. Like I'm just going through the motions because if I don't, no one will.