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It keeps me up at night.

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A lot of fucking anger, and a lot of hurt and some regret.

All of them on deep levels that I really need to deal with in time but right now I have so much HATE in my heart that I can't let go of. It eats at me and I really don't know how to let go. 90% of it is directed at one person. He's ruined me in so many ways.

So here I am. Another sleepless freaking night. I have everything that SHOULD make me happy. But I'm so fucking angry.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:12 AM
Replies (771-780):
by Anonymous 110 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:55 AM
Please seek help..
by Anonymous 111 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:22 AM
She knows the whole story and your personality...She knows exactly what she is saying...

Quoting 504bbymami:

Wtf is vauge about this? Or are you slow?

Quoting .Elena:

Vague attention whore is vague.

by Anonymous 74 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Do y'all know what is more annoying than 504? Quote trees.

by Anonymous 112 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:38 AM
Maybe you should report the rapist to try to stop him from hurting anyone else. Maybe that would bring some peace. Who knows how many others he's hurting. And get therapy to heal.
by Anonymous 113 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:43 AM
Jenna, I really think you need to seek therapy. I think you have the potential to be a great wife and mother, but you're past is holding you back. You display classic symptoms of histrionic personality disorder that seems to be marked by cycles of depression, narcissism, and delusions of grandeur.

Please get help before your personality disorders affect your life any more than they already have.
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:46 AM
Let it go learn too. Past is the past why would you allow someone from the past dictate you now?
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by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:32 AM
I have been there in so many levels...feeling so betrayed and hating the one whom has hurt me.. But I had to come to the conclusion that in the end is he really (the one who hurt me) loosing sleep as I am.. about how he has hurt me... and the answer to that was nooooo... and with me living mentally tortured... was I really living...noooo.. not sleeping...not living in any kind of peace... so in reality I was letting him continue to hurt me by allowing him to take up the precious space in my heart my mind and my time that should be spent focusing on what makes me happy... and getting the much needed rest that my body needed... and I don't know your belief in God.. but no one has the right to separated us from God or a prosperous joyful restful peaceful life... other wise we are not really living and they are still hurting us because we are letting them continue to have that kind of power over us and our lives... ask yourself this... is this person worth you loosing the rest of your life over... I mean not really living your life?????? You are worth a lot more than that... and you can have more strength than you even imagined...and in that strength you can find peace and the feeling of accomplishment for moving on in forgiveness.. just because we forgive someone doesn't mean that we have to forget... we can just go on living our lives to it's full possible fullness. And don't kick yourself... at times we can could of should of would of ourselves to death.. and we can be our own worst enemies.. but it can't be changed.. it is better to view everyday as a new day to try to be our best and do our best.. and nooo one is perfect...everyday is a new chance to start over to a great future.. this is a voice of experience... I don't know everything... I hope that it gets better for you..
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 9:53 AM

Forgive. The hate hurts you, not him.

by Platinum Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 11:16 AM

Think of it as writing a letter to someone. Or you could do that. Write it all out as a letter to the person that hurt you and then instead of sending it rip it up and throw it away.

Quoting Anonymous:

Actually journaling is really a huge tool I use to come on cafemom and talk about all my problems. Now two yrs later I kinda browse under anon. I have a read a few things about you having a mental break down. Sounds silly but I would try with the library. For about six months. Just checking books about anger the brain. Amygalda. I have done this. And OMg It really helps. I don't keep a diary. I write on paper and throw it away. Your mind is a powerful thing. It's like there is u and a roommate. The struggle is to integrate the two. Regret is like a teadmill going nowhere. You need to create a visual of what you want in five years and work backwards. Good luck

Quoting 504bbymami:

I need interaction. Being in my own head makes everything much much worse.

Quoting blue.chairs:

Go write in your diary.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 11:24 AM

I am sorry for what you are going through! If you feel like it you can pm me.

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