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It keeps me up at night.

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A lot of fucking anger, and a lot of hurt and some regret.


All of them on deep levels that I really need to deal with in time but right now I have so much HATE in my heart that I can't let go of. It eats at me and I really don't know how to let go. 90% of it is directed at one person. He's ruined me in so many ways.


So here I am. Another sleepless freaking night. I have everything that SHOULD make me happy. But I'm so fucking angry.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:12 AM
Replies (781-790):
Basherte
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 11:25 AM

Even the people that are dissing you are giving you good advice. What I'm getting from what you have said, in the op and in your responses, as well as what others have said in their responses is that you are giving this person that hurt you too much power over you and too much control over you. You are not able to sleep because you keep thinking of this person. That is giving them way too much of your time. 

Moving on- get a babysitter, go out. Get dressed up and go out. Have fun one night. Then go out and do other things. Get more involved in your own life. Do things that make you happy. You will meet people that have the same interests as you do, and will probably make friends. Try to forget about the one that hurt you and the 'friends' that you had. 

Surround yourself with people that really care about you. People that have positive energy and not anyone who is full of negative energy. It will help. Work through the pain. Examine it for a minute. Then realize that you now have complete control over your life. That the person that hurt you so badly no longer has any control over your life unless you allow it. Then no longer allow it. 

Good luck.

Quoting 504bbymami:

I just have a lot going on in my life right now. It's been this huge explosion of chaos over the past couple of months and now the dust is settling and I'm just having to come to terms with all that has changed. All the people I've lost, the bridges I've burned, true colors I saw, things I've learned. Learning that the life I thought I had and the relationships I thought I had were fake as fuck and that this is just how things are now.


Not religious but I do pray

And exercise is a good idea too. Thank you


Quoting 4kids4tara:

What are you so angry about? I'm guess this post is about a guy? Are you religious? Would praying help? What about exercise?



CafeMom Tickers
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:35 PM
Will you explain that experience off it isn't too painful for you? I never heard it from you, just other people mentioning it.


Quoting 504bbymami:

Yea that's the same person




Quoting Anonymous:

What did he force you to do? Is this the guy that had you gang raped? Am I thinking of the right person?






Quoting 504bbymami:

Except for the fact that none of you have any idea what he has or has not forced me to do.








Quoting Anonymous:

Well said










Quoting Workoutmom2025:

Wow, you are stupid. YES, it does all fall on you. YOU made the decision to mess with him. He wasn't standing there with a gun to your head forcing you to cheat. Your life sucks right now because of YOU. He is not obligated to keep vows you made to your husband, he is not obligated to put your family and children first, YOU are obligated to do that, and you didn't because you were too busy messing with a man who didn't give a crap about you, but saw you were easy and obsessed with him. You created your problems. Period.











Quoting 504bbymami:







Live.and.love
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:15 PM

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW OLD JENNA IS?!?!

PGmommy0412
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:07 PM
Im sorry I dont kow your story or history but I had those feelings towards my daughters dad when he left me for someone else and got her prego within a month, anyways what helped me was talking a lot to close friends family im sure they got sick of hearing me but it helped along with time passing and music to express how I was feeling but time helped the most, im new here but will send prayers your way a angry heart doea nobody good and will only make life hell until ur able to let go and let time pass on, I always say and this to shall pass, goodluck and hope things get better for you.
mommieofII
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:22 PM

Im confused... Why doesnt anyone on cafe mom like you... Not saying myself but as AI read the comments on here a lot are not nice to you...

MEENASTRID
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:37 PM
I had that. It ended when I stopped expecting him to act like I would. Being disappointed by your expectations not being fulfilled is all in your hands.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Mrs-Somerhalder
by Blake on Apr. 4, 2013 at 7:38 PM
24?

Quoting Live.and.love:

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW OLD JENNA IS?!?!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
504bbymami
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:15 AM
I don't have a problem talking about it..


It was when I was 16. My birthday weekend actually. I went to a house party. He gave me lots of alcohol, weed and some pills that idk what they were. Pretty much I got REALLY fucked up. That was probably the drunkest/highest I've ever gotten in my life. Then he asked me if I wanted to go upstairs with him and I said yes. So he took me upstairs - practically carried me because I was like on the verge of passing out. He brought me into a room and there was like 8 other guys in there. I got nervous and started asking questions and he just locked the door and took me over to the bed and was kissing on me and just telling me everything would be ok. Etc. told me not to worry about them. Then he talked me out of my clothes by saying he wanted me to prove to him how much I really liked him... I was way too drunk to undress myself so he did it and told his buddy to come help him. I kinda freaked out at that point and told them no no no I'm not about to do anything with anyone else but him. He told a couple guys to leave but 5 or 6 stayed. I tried to get up and leave but he gently yet FIRMLY pulled me back to the bed. I got really scared, almost to the point of tears but he was just whispering to me "I won't let them hurt you" and "it's ok it's just between us" and things like that. I was very scared because I already said I didn't want to but they were not giving up easily and I knew I couldn't fight them all off and I knew even if I screamed no one would hear me because the music downstairs was really loud and I really did just want him to like me so I just shut up and let them do what they wanted


Quoting Anonymous:

Will you explain that experience off it isn't too painful for you? I never heard it from you, just other people mentioning it.




Quoting 504bbymami:

Yea that's the same person






Quoting Anonymous:

What did he force you to do? Is this the guy that had you gang raped? Am I thinking of the right person?








Quoting 504bbymami:

Except for the fact that none of you have any idea what he has or has not forced me to do.










Quoting Anonymous:

Well said












Quoting Workoutmom2025:

Wow, you are stupid. YES, it does all fall on you. YOU made the decision to mess with him. He wasn't standing there with a gun to your head forcing you to cheat. Your life sucks right now because of YOU. He is not obligated to keep vows you made to your husband, he is not obligated to put your family and children first, YOU are obligated to do that, and you didn't because you were too busy messing with a man who didn't give a crap about you, but saw you were easy and obsessed with him. You created your problems. Period.













Quoting 504bbymami:








Posted on CafeMom Mobile
504bbymami
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:46 AM
Yes


Quoting Anonymous:

Do you have the pictures?




Quoting 504bbymami:

I can even show you the bruises he left on me from holding my arms down. I'm NOT lying.






Quoting Anonymous:

Telling a guy no and him forcing himself on you if rape. Or did you lie and you were a willing ho.








Quoting 504bbymami:

He didn't "rape" me










Quoting Anonymous:

Why would you let your kids be around a guy that raped you? I really want to know.












Quoting 504bbymami:

No, I wasn't an I didn't. I even told him many times beforehand that I was not gonna have sex with him. But I guess he didn't think I was serious.













Hell, I even have texts from him where I told him I wasn't going to and he told me he would "take that pussy". So really if anything, it's my fault because he gave me fair warning...














Quoting Anonymous:

Were you role playing? Did you want him? If not, that's rape honey.















Quoting 504bbymami:

Well, yes that's what happened BUT he told me he didn't think I was being serious... He said he thought I was like role playing or something


















Quoting Anonymous:

Someone pulled him off you, he forced himself on you right? That's rape.




















Quoting 504bbymami:

Please don't say he raped me. I'm not saying he raped me so it's not fair for anyone to say it.






















Quoting Anonymous:

The point is he raped you while they were in the room with you. And you did nothing. Way to put your kids in danger. Kudos.
























Quoting 504bbymami:

Convienient how the part saying they were asleep isn't highlighted


























Quoting Anonymous:

Apparently the rapist is good with her kids LOL














Quoting 504bbymami:

Except for the fact that none of you have any idea what he has or has not forced me to do.









































Quoting Anonymous:

Well said











































Quoting Workoutmom2025:

Wow, you are stupid. YES, it does all fall on you. YOU made the decision to mess with him. He wasn't standing there with a gun to your head forcing you to cheat. Your life sucks right now because of YOU. He is not obligated to keep vows you made to your husband, he is not obligated to put your family and children first, YOU are obligated to do that, and you didn't because you were too busy messing with a man who didn't give a crap about you, but saw you were easy and obsessed with him. You created your problems. Period.































Quoting 504bbymami:

























































Posted on CafeMom Mobile
504bbymami
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 2:47 AM
I'm 23


Quoting Live.and.love:

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW OLD JENNA IS?!?!


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