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Would you be mad? (autism related question--answer even if you don't have experience with it please)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 63 Replies

Ok, for those with a child with autism before your child was diagnosed would  you have gotten mad if someone came up to you and told you that they thought your child had autism? If you don't have a child with autism would you be mad if someone came up to you and told you that they thought  your child was autistic?

The reason I ask is because I am about 95% sure that my nephew is autistic. Specifically Asperegers. He just has a few things that I think may be signs. But I was told by someone else that if I mention my feelings to SIL and MIL that they may get mad and upset at me instead of being understanding of me pointing it out. That they might think I am just pointing out something bad. That is not they case. Love my nephew to death and I love spending time with him. I also know that they say that the earlier you recognize it and deal with it, the better. I have a great relationship with MIL and SIL so I don't want to hurt them in any way. So I don't really know how to approach this. Should I just let it go? I will say that one of the things my nephew does (which is putting his hands over his ears in some situations and some with loud noises), my SIL has said in passing that she was going to say something to his doc about. But she thinks it is because he is just sensitive to noise. So there could be a chance that the next time he goes to the doc (I don't know when that will be) that maybe they will mention it. I really just don't know what to do.

BTW..I went anon with this because I definitely don't want them finding out my concerns on an online forum. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:09 PM
I have been watching my friend's son since he was 6 months old. He's 4 1/2 now and was just diagnosed with autism. I knew all along...I've worked with a lot of kids with autism so I know the signs. I never said anything to her because I didn't feel it was my place. The kid clearly has a lot of issues but I think she was just in denial. Honestly I probably wouldn't say anything if I were you...
mommyofblueyes
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:14 PM
1 mom liked this

If it were family no, my mother, and sister who both have expierence with autistic children, are the ones who pointed out the signs to me that my son was showing.  I'm glad they did! 

sweetieiv
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't say anything. Even though you are being helpful that can get taken in wrong by your sil. When my son was 2 we went to visit my family members in CA and we had been in a car for 6 hours. So when we got there my son was running around and jumping because he had been so bored the entire ride there. So 1 of my aunts said that she thinks my son should be diagnosed with something. Also said he was way too hyper. I felt like slapping her because it felt like an insult to me.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Thanks for the replies so far!!!

Cassidysmom611
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:27 PM

I would not be hurt, as long as peoples feelings were valid. Meaning they are just saying it out of malice, or after meeting my kid once.

To be honest, when my DD was showing signs, I was more annoyed with people who wouldn't even entertain the fact that she was more than likely on the spectrum.

If you are kind about it, and state your reasons why you feel that way with understanding and love then they shouldn't be mad. Just don't be accusing, or try to "diagnose" him.

Does your newphew have regular check ups with his Pedi?


emilys802
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:28 PM

My son has Autism and everyone would tell me he has add or adhd, mentally retarded etc... everytime someone ( teachers, In-laws, family etc..) would so called diganoised him it would tick me off. For one thing no one knows my son like i do, they did not have an M.D or a Ph.D., and they were all wrong in what they thought he had.. at the time i did not know exactly what he had but i did know it was nothing they mentioned.. even some doctors tried to misdiagonse him, im sorry but talking to somone in 1 hour, does not mean you know what they have... it took years later for him to be properly diagonised and that was after he was inpatient for 5 months. It took them 4 months to see what i saw everyday, then the light bulb went out and they was able to treat and diagonise him.. I hate that he has Autism, but i knew for damn sure he did not have anything else that people was telling me....

So no, do not say anything because what you think he might have may not neccesarilly be what he has...Autism is something that is not easily identified and there are different levels of Autism.. Let his parents handle it... Just love him and be there for him, that is the best thing you can do for him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:32 PM


Quoting sweetieiv:

I wouldn't say anything. Even though you are being helpful that can get taken in wrong by your sil. When my son was 2 we went to visit my family members in CA and we had been in a car for 6 hours. So when we got there my son was running around and jumping because he had been so bored the entire ride there. So 1 of my aunts said that she thinks my son should be diagnosed with something. Also said he was way too hyper. I felt like slapping her because it felt like an insult to me.

The situation you described does sound insulting. And that is definitely something I do not want to do. My conclusions about my nephew come from the amount of time I spend with him, which includes me babysitting him from time to time. I first thought this almost a year ago, but before I just brushed it off that I was wrong because of his age. I kinda stopped thinking about it. Up until I started actually keeping him more. 

peanutsmommy1
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:34 PM

I would lay money on the fact that a friend's son has Aspbergers. DH and I both work in child development and have been watching him since he was about 3.

He is 11 now. We have never said a word.

sweetieiv
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:35 PM
If you do decide to speak up then be prepared. Get brochures or print out information so that you can back yourself up. Show it her and do not tell anyone else. Keep it a small conversation so that if she does feel insulted then atleast nobody else knows about it.


Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting sweetieiv:

I wouldn't say anything. Even though you are being helpful that can get taken in wrong by your sil. When my son was 2 we went to visit my family members in CA and we had been in a car for 6 hours. So when we got there my son was running around and jumping because he had been so bored the entire ride there. So 1 of my aunts said that she thinks my son should be diagnosed with something. Also said he was way too hyper. I felt like slapping her because it felt like an insult to me.

The situation you described does sound insulting. And that is definitely something I do not want to do. My conclusions about my nephew come from the amount of time I spend with him, which includes me babysitting him from time to time. I first thought this almost a year ago, but before I just brushed it off that I was wrong because of his age. I kinda stopped thinking about it. Up until I started actually keeping him more. 


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:37 PM


Quoting Cassidysmom611:

I would not be hurt, as long as peoples feelings were valid. Meaning they are just saying it out of malice, or after meeting my kid once.

To be honest, when my DD was showing signs, I was more annoyed with people who wouldn't even entertain the fact that she was more than likely on the spectrum.

If you are kind about it, and state your reasons why you feel that way with understanding and love then they shouldn't be mad. Just don't be accusing, or try to "diagnose" him.

Does your newphew have regular check ups with his Pedi?


He's 3 now and he does have regular check ups. I can't remember when his last one was, but she said she was going to ask about the ear covering thing so he may have one coming up soon. I definitely wouldn't be telling her out of malice. I love my SIL like a best friend. I definitely don't want to come off like I am diagnosing him either. So I was kinda wondering if there was a way I could make spark something in her mind about it without saying anything at all. 

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