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I have to get the out before I scream

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies
I read somewhere that saying alou your worst and darkest feelings sometimes help you deal with the situation. So I need to say all of this without getting bashed please!!


Okay here it goes.


I don't like kids.

I love my own. Solely becuase I am not a monster. I am a mother and when I see them my hormones go crazy and my heart melts. I see myself in them. My oldest looks and acts just like me at that age. Lord help me. My youngest is a tiny tiny baby and looks just like my husband. My heart melts when he smiles and laughs.
So like I said I am not a monster. I just don't like other people's kids.
Which leads me to my problem...

DH and I have custody of his granchild an I don't have those mushy mommy feelings for him. Actually I have a lot of resentment when it comes to him. My DH pays extra special attention to him. It is like he favors him and loves him more. I feel like our bio children our missing out. My DH already works long hours and they rarely see him as it is, and then when he is home it seems like he only wants to hold and pay attention to his grandson. My other kids are very jealous.

But DH justifies it say that he is "special." And if his bio mom gets custody of him back he's going to have a shitty life so he needs all the extra attention he can get. Even if she doesn't get him back fully her back and forth involvement complicates his life. No shit Sherlock. I can noticbly tell the difference in him when she comes around and then disappears again. His temper tantrums become worse and so does his attitude.

Now lets get to that.

Not only does my DH pay more attention to him taking away from our other kids. I have no choice but to do the same becuase he is somewhat special needs. We aren't clear on what his diagnosis is, but he definitely has some sort of behavioral if not learning disability. His doctor wants to hold off diagnosing becuase he thinks It might be "just terrible twos." We can't start him in any therapy until he is diagnosed.

And no I don't think it is just terrible twos. I've seen some bad two year old tantrums but never to the point that a child hurts themself so bad they leave marks. Right now the kid looks like a poster child for child abuse becuase he smashed his head on the bathtub wall so much. He didnt want to get out of the tub, but it was past time so I pulled the plug. I let it drain and he started banging his head on the wall. He did it so hard his mouth started bleeding. He woke up the next morning with bruises on his face.

He also refuses to talk. He knows how becuase I've heard him say simple things but refuses to use his words. I know he knows how to say "cup" and "please" becuase I've heard him say it but instead of saying either of those he will throw his cup at me and stomp his feet. Trying to make him talk by saying "do you want something to drink? Say please" he will throw himself down on the ground and start banging his face on the floor. Everyone tells me to ignore the tantrums, but when I do that he hurts himself. Like the last time I walked away from him as he was banging his face on the floor, I came back and he had a bloody nose.

On top of all that, I find myself distancing from him becuase a my DH has pointed out, his BM will probably get him back at some point in our state she has to be a hooker or a meth addict to not get him back. And she is neither.

I know none if this is his fault. He didn't ask to be this way. But it's not mine either. I didn't make him this way, his BM did.

It is just not fair that I have to make all the sacrifices and take care of and deal with her difficult child just for her to get him back. My kids are going to get attached to him just to have her take him away.


Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:11 PM
And before anyone says "you shouldn't have married a man with kids" DH didn't have any kids living at home when we got married
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:34 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like a very tough situation. I'm sorry, honestly I have some of the issues of not liking other peoples kids as well, and honestly when I was married my now ex husband used to give all the attention to our daughter, I felt jealous of her because he completely ignored me in every way, seriously my ex husband would never show me affection and I felt horrible and pathetic feeling jealous, at least you feel that your kids need more attention, I was jealous of the attention my daughter got. Granted after awhile he started ignoring her too...any way that is a whole other issue.

I'm sorry for your situation, I don't know what to suggest or anything. I in general have a hard time dealing with other peoples kids. I now have 2 kids and love them to bits and wouldn't want life without them, but other people's kids I just am not real comfortable with and most I don't like, I don't know why. I can't imagine your situation, I know it must be tough.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:01 PM
I love my husband and I know he loves our kids. But OUR kids deserve his attention too. They didn't ask us to take on a special needs child.

And I can't just tell him his grandson has to go?

KWIM?

I just feel stuck until she gets him back. An I feel bad for wishing she the courts would let her have him sooner rather than later


Quoting Anonymous:

Sounds like a very tough situation. I'm sorry, honestly I have some of the issues of not liking other peoples kids as well, and honestly when I was married my now ex husband used to give all the attention to our daughter, I felt jealous of her because he completely ignored me in every way, seriously my ex husband would never show me affection and I felt horrible and pathetic feeling jealous, at least you feel that your kids need more attention, I was jealous of the attention my daughter got. Granted after awhile he started ignoring her too...any way that is a whole other issue.


I'm sorry for your situation, I don't know what to suggest or anything. I in general have a hard time dealing with other peoples kids. I now have 2 kids and love them to bits and wouldn't want life without them, but other people's kids I just am not real comfortable with and most I don't like, I don't know why. I can't imagine your situation, I know it must be tough.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:04 PM
If you really wanted to get him into therapy. Do it
My son was in therapy at 1and a half and he didn't have a diagnoses.
illinoismommy83
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I feel your pain. I would make a horrid step-mom because its like a constant uphill battle to break the awful bad habits out of a child. I couldn't live with a child who didn't follow my rules. Don't feel bad for venting. I see no harm in being a loving mother who adores her own kids and dislikes every other kid on the planet.

I don't like kids. I don't need to go anon. If I am not in charge and the kid is not listening then I honestly want nothing to do with the kid. I love my kids and MY KIDS LISTEN. My kids don't climb furniture or jump around like idiots. My kids don't run in the house or jump on the bed. My kids clean up their room every night. My kids eat what they ask for. My kids know how to behave in public. I guess I run a tight ship, but it works because everyone is happy and healthy and CALM.

So no, your snowflake cannot come burn my house down have a playdate. No, I will not babysit unless its an emergency. I don't like kids. I don't like snot. I don't like poop jokes. I like calm. DD has yet to find a friend who is calm with a parent who parents to my standards. I have no desire to have a monkey who just escaped from the asylum running around my house.

Sigh. How can you help the demon child's mom get custody back sooner? Help her in any way you can. 


SageAdvice
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:15 PM

 Selective mutism is generally defense mechanism that is caused by severe psychological abuse or truama. So is self harm.

You need to take this child to a psyhcologist.  ASAP

I do understand how you feel. I myself love my children but can't stand other peoples. That being said, this child needs love and positive attention. If you are unable to give him such, it is best you be truthful with your DH and let someone who can, be the one who spend the majority of time with him. 

It hurts to love something and lose it,  but if you go through life refusing to care and love because you might  lose that person you are cheating yourself and them. It's sad and unfair to all involved.

Do what's best for that child.

Some times you just have to punt the ball.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:49 PM
There is no one else.

My DH has no to their family that can take him on. My DH works 18+ hours a day


Quoting SageAdvice:

 Selective mutism is generally defense mechanism that is caused by severe psychological abuse or truama. So is self harm.


You need to take this child to a psyhcologist.  ASAP


I do understand how you feel. I myself love my children but can't stand other peoples. That being said, this child needs love and positive attention. If you are unable to give him such, it is best you be truthful with your DH and let someone who can, be the one who spend the majority of time with him. 


It hurts to love something and lose it,  but if you go through life refusing to care and love because you might  lose that person you are cheating yourself and them. It's sad and unfair to all involved.


Do what's best for that child.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:50 PM
My DH technically has custody. I don't because I'm technically of no relation, just his grandfathers wife.

I can't do anything unless DH agrees and he wants to wait with the doctor


Quoting Anonymous:

If you really wanted to get him into therapy. Do it

My son was in therapy at 1and a half and he didn't have a diagnoses.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 3:51 PM
Sounds like you went on your own little soap box. And trust me, I'm trying. But you can't make someone be a mom.


Quoting illinoismommy83:

I feel your pain. I would make a horrid step-mom because its like a constant uphill battle to break the awful bad habits out of a child. I couldn't live with a child who didn't follow my rules. Don't feel bad for venting. I see no harm in being a loving mother who adores her own kids and dislikes every other kid on the planet.

I don't like kids. I don't need to go anon. If I am not in charge and the kid is not listening then I honestly want nothing to do with the kid. I love my kids and MY KIDS LISTEN. My kids don't climb furniture or jump around like idiots. My kids don't run in the house or jump on the bed. My kids clean up their room every night. My kids eat what they ask for. My kids know how to behave in public. I guess I run a tight ship, but it works because everyone is happy and healthy and CALM.

So no, your snowflake cannot come burn my house down have a playdate. No, I will not babysit unless its an emergency. I don't like kids. I don't like snot. I don't like poop jokes. I like calm. DD has yet to find a friend who is calm with a parent who parents to my standards. I have no desire to have a monkey who just escaped from the asylum running around my house.

Sigh. How can you help the demon child's mom get custody back sooner? Help her in any way you can. 



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