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Can ugly women have high self esteem?

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:55 PM
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1 mom liked this
I'm a pretty average looking woman. I'd say I'm a 3-4 on a scale of 10 right now. I could maybe move up to a 5-6 if I lost about 25 lbs and maybe even a 7-8 if I had the moles on my face removed. Removing the moles will happen in time...I want to wait for colder months so that I'm not out in the sun while the sores are healing, and I do hope to get my act together to lose weight for my own personal health reasons.

But if I tell anyone that I honestly don't see a 10 when I look in the mirror, I get this shocked and concerned response. People feel so compelled to assure me that I am beautiful. Why?

I don't understand. I'm not crying or whining about my looks, I don't really value them so much. I have a fabulous personality and I've made some pretty significant contributions to my profession. I'm also very happy in my marriage and I have a superstar daughter. Why is it so important for me to think I'm physically attractive? Why can't I have a realistic perception of my appearance and make peace with it?
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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:55 PM
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MaMa.Lu
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:56 PM
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"ugly" women who are confident in themselves are more attractive. Though physical appearance plays a part, I think they way one carries themselves plays a big part as well. 



IandLoveandYou
by Penny Lane on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:00 PM
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You can..our society puts too much emphasis on looks, being pretty.

Pretty is nice but pretty awesome, pretty intelligent, pretty funny, pretty wonderful, pretty amazing are all more important in my opinion.

Lots of people don't think that way.. But eh, kudos to you for having feeling wonderful about yourself, you sound awesome!
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Sagely
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:02 PM
I do agree!

Quoting MaMa.Lu:

"ugly" women who are confident in themselves are more attractive. Though physical appearance plays a part, I think they way one carries themselves plays a big part as well. 



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marihla
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:04 PM

Agreed. AND others see you as the whole picture, while we tend to focus on a few bad things about our appearances. 

Quoting MaMa.Lu:

"ugly" women who are confident in themselves are more attractive. Though physical appearance plays a part, I think they way one carries themselves plays a big part as well. 




CV3
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:04 PM

I dunno. When I say that I am fat, everyone tells me I have Body Dysmorphia. I'm always like...I dont think that word means what you think it means.

Megzboys
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:05 PM

  Not if people keep calling them ugly.   I am average looking also so I get where you are coming from and beautiful people really don't understand us because to them, if you aren't beautiful, why are you even alive.    I totally agree about the moles too which means I have to wait till October to do mine.   I usually just say to people " If you say so, cool."  when they think I should want beauty.    I don't really wear make up , just some lip gloss but for the most part, I think that it is more important to be productive and useful in this life then to be beautiful.  I am already married, have been for 16 years and my husband loves me and thinks I am pretty so why should I need to be anything else?    Cheers to us average and content women!

rebeccab1966
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:05 PM

My best friend has a sister that is not "good looking" (NOT to be mean!).  But this woman has the most amazing self-confidence, and men literally fall at her feet.  I think men really like women who are sure of themselves, without acting cocky.  I think all of us could learn a lesson from her--she knows she's smart and funny and charming, and she believes in herself.

Sagely
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:06 PM
3 moms liked this
It's just so frustrating! Like so what if I think I'm unattractive? At least I don't think I'm stupid, right? :-P

Quoting IandLoveandYou:

You can..our society puts too much emphasis on looks, being pretty.



Pretty is nice but pretty awesome, pretty intelligent, pretty funny, pretty wonderful, pretty amazing are all more important in my opinion.



Lots of people don't think that way.. But eh, kudos to you for having feeling wonderful about yourself, you sound awesome!

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Sagely
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:08 PM
Yes! And actually, I've had male friends tell me they prefer to be with average women because they tend to have more to offer, personality-wise.

Quoting Megzboys:

  Not if people keep calling them ugly.   I am average looking also so I get where you are coming from and beautiful people really don't understand us because to them, if you aren't beautiful, why are you even alive.    I totally agree about the moles too which means I have to wait till October to do mine.   I usually just say to people " If you say so, cool."  when they think I should want beauty.    I don't really wear make up , just some lip gloss but for the most part, I think that it is more important to be productive and useful in this life then to be beautiful.  I am already married, have been for 16 years and my husband loves me and thinks I am pretty so why should I need to be anything else?    Cheers to us average and content women!

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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:10 PM

I agree with you.

I think all of the rate me posts on here are really sad - people who are very obviously not-pretty get so many compliments and I wonder if it boosts those women's self esteem? I think it's sad when people actually think more of themselves because others compliment them, because it still doesn't change their physical appearance. They are still not attractive, no matter how many people lie to them.

I am the same as you- I have a realistic perception of myself. I know that I 'rate' around a 5. I get really uncomfortable when people randomly compliment me or tell me I'm beautiful. I never asked for the compliment, so why are you feeding me lies?


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