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I Don't Know How To Go About This... Sry it's long need help/advice!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies
I'm 25. My friend is 23 and her DH is 29.
I've known both of them for about 12-13 years. She (We'll call her Beth) and I were practically inseparable from the time we met. We started growing apart when I was 17 and she was 15. She was very quiet and I was loud and all over the place.
Well one night when we were 17 & 15 she calls and tells me about this guy she met. I knew him. He wasn't exactly a nice person and was constantly getting into fights with other people at the drop of a hat for no reason other than he was pissed off at them all of a sudden. I told her he wasn't the kind of guy that was a good idea to get with and he was 21. So we hang out a few times after and she tells me she wants to go over to his house but wants me to go with her. Fine. We go. Next night she calls me and says she needs me to cover for her and tell her grandmother she's staying the night with me. *Her grandmother used to call and check on me as much as she did Beth and she always called to make sure we weren't getting in any trouble.* So I tell her no way and that this guy hangs out around my dad and his friends. So she says "Just cover for me. I'll be home in the morning." And then hangs up.
I baby sit and worry the whole time and her grandmother calls me and I lie and say I ran to the store to get something or that Beth is taking a shower. So my dad gets home with my step mom around 5am and I'm still up because her grandmother keeps calling and saying she's had enough of this and wants to know where Beth is and she wants me to answer the phone. My dad asks what's wrong and I tell him and he told me to call her grandmother and tell her the truth because she shouldn't be hanging out with that guy. So I do. Needless to say it wrecked our friendship. Her grandmother went and got her and made this huge stink.
So fast forward a couple years and they get married and pop out 3 kids and I hear from her once or twice a year.
3weeks ago I run into her DH. Tells me that Beth lost my number when she dropped her phone in the pool a year back and that her grandmother died last October and she's never really had any friend except me and since we both have kids maybe we could make some play dates and I could let her unload a little because she's been a little depressed. Ok sure.
He seems like an ok dad except that he's taught his oldest to fight and given him the mind set that if someone pisses you off and you put your hands on them then you better win. My household is straight up "Don't put your hands on ANYONE!" I have boys and sometimes they do get into it but after I see it I grab both of them and make them hug then we talk about why they made those choices and then I remind them that its not right to fight anyone let alone their brother. We've gone over for 2 play dates and she's talked my ear off and her DH keeps saying how I should let my boys stay the night with them and I should let him take my boys and his oldest out to play miniature golf. We haven't been around each other for years until 3 weeks ago. I keep telling him maybe when my kids are older. I told my ex (my kids dad) and he said Hell no. He remembers that guy and no way will he be responsible for our kids. I feel the same. Beth has said how he's not that person and so has he but I'm just not comfortable with it and I tell them no. Maybe when they're older but now her DH is asking my kids. And Monday when we were over there I had to pull my son out of a chokehold because her son wanted to play with the toy that my son was playing with. Her oldest has no manners and is horrible to her younger son and other kids and tells her "No!" and "You're wrong, mom!" All the damn time and she does nothing.
I don't really want to go over there anymore but I don't want to leave her like that when all she has left are her husband and kids now. She keeps saying how she feels so blessed that we've are hanging out again and that she's really needed my friendship.
Sorry this is long. I just am so torn about all of this and she wants to get together again on Saturday -with the kids.
Oh and idk if its because of her DH or she just doesn't want to but she refuses to step out of the mommy role and go out for coffee, beer, groceries... Anything without her kids or DH.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:44 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Bump!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:49 PM
I'm sorry its so long I just needed to explain!! Someone help meh!
csxt99
by Jennifer on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:54 PM

It sounds like Beth is in serious need of friends, but I don't think I would hang around her, either.  It sounds like she is a doormat to her husband and the kids.  I would probably not want to be around her and just would not go.  You're in a tough spot!

SNA
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:57 PM
This


Quoting csxt99:

It sounds like Beth is in serious need of friends, but I don't think I would hang around her, either.  It sounds like she is a doormat to her husband and the kids.  I would probably not want to be around her and just would not go.  You're in a tough spot!


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:16 PM
It definitely is a tough spot! Her oldest son just rules the roost. Yells and tells everyone what to do and calls them liars. Even Beth!! I'm not ever going to tell her how she needs to parent but I almost did. She asked if my boys clean their rooms when asked and I said "For the most part yes but then they try to be stubborn every once and awhile and not do it. Then they lose electronics until its done. They went up to 3 days one time and then they realized I wasn't going to give and now it never takes more than a couple hours!" And she said she couldn't imagine taking the computer away! What? It's a punishment. He will walk over to his 3 year old brother and shove him on the ground and start kicking him and gets no punishment. All she says is "G, don't do that to your brother!" Then her DH will say "He's just a little asshole sometimes." O_O what? It's aggravating and I don't want my kids learning this behavior and I don't want to just drop Beth like that but I don't really want to be around her kids or DH.


Quoting csxt99:

It sounds like Beth is in serious need of friends, but I don't think I would hang around her, either.  It sounds like she is a doormat to her husband and the kids.  I would probably not want to be around her and just would not go.  You're in a tough spot!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Bump
csxt99
by Jennifer on Apr. 3, 2013 at 10:30 PM

It sounds like the best course of action is to drop Beth.  It stinks, but it sounds like your best option.

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