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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

i dont know what to do, please help.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
1 mom liked this
I'm having a hard time figuring out what the best thing for my son is when it comes to visitations with his father.

We have court on Monday, so I know in reality it is all up to the judge, but I'm sure he is going to ask each of our opinions on what we think is fair regaurding custody.

My ex has had his fair share of screw ups with his own life. Although some of his actions COULD hurt my son (emotionally) he has never done anything to our son. He's always been good when he is around him. We've raised him together for 1.5 years and after our split up he moved a few hours away.

My ex and I barely talk. When we do, we fight. Everyone keeps telling me I need to just forget he exists, but how? He's the father of my child. I want to find the good in him. I know I can't change him, but I want to get along. Its just so hard because he lies or says things to piss me off on purpose.

I don't know anymore, guys. I'm at my wits end. I'm sure this makes no sense, but whatever.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:57 AM

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:10 AM
I know. We go weeks without talking and then one of us will text the other and say 'we need to talk. don't wanna fight. Just talk.' But it always ends up in a fight. Honestly, I don't even know why half the time.

And last time we talked.. I started getting angry so I asked if we could talk later cause I knew if I stayed on the phone, I would end up freaking out on him.. and that just pissed him off so we fought anyway.

Quoting Anonymous:

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 

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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:50 AM
It's easy to get stuck in that pattern, because that's just what you 2 do. It takes a conscious effort to break that pattern. He knows how to push your buttons and you react. Throw him for a loop and take the high road by not reacting the way he thinks you are going to. If you stay calm and reasonable, how can he fight with you? You can learn to communicate without it escalating to an argument. It just takes time and effort. It takes 2 to argue, and if one doesn't then the other one can't!
Quoting Anonymous:

I know. We go weeks without talking and then one of us will text the other and say 'we need to talk. don't wanna fight. Just talk.' But it always ends up in a fight. Honestly, I don't even know why half the time.

And last time we talked.. I started getting angry so I asked if we could talk later cause I knew if I stayed on the phone, I would end up freaking out on him.. and that just pissed him off so we fought anyway.

Quoting Anonymous:

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 


bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:56 AM

if asked explain your concerns to the judge. depending on the age of your child you may be able to limit unsupervised contact until your child is old enough. be prepared to offer what you would be most comfortable with and make sure that it is in your ds's best interests while still promoting a relationship with his father.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:56 AM
That's very true but so very hard. Lol. He knows every way to make me snap. And I feel like he don't deserve the nice side of me. Lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's easy to get stuck in that pattern, because that's just what you 2 do. It takes a conscious effort to break that pattern. He knows how to push your buttons and you react. Throw him for a loop and take the high road by not reacting the way he thinks you are going to. If you stay calm and reasonable, how can he fight with you? You can learn to communicate without it escalating to an argument. It just takes time and effort. It takes 2 to argue, and if one doesn't then the other one can't!



Quoting Anonymous:

I know. We go weeks without talking and then one of us will text the other and say 'we need to talk. don't wanna fight. Just talk.' But it always ends up in a fight. Honestly, I don't even know why half the time.



And last time we talked.. I started getting angry so I asked if we could talk later cause I knew if I stayed on the phone, I would end up freaking out on him.. and that just pissed him off so we fought anyway.



Quoting Anonymous:

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:57 AM
In the summons, me and my lawyer put that we wanted supervised visits. So we shall see wat happens.

Quoting bustybee:

if asked explain your concerns to the judge. depending on the age of your child you may be able to limit unsupervised contact until your child is old enough. be prepared to offer what you would be most comfortable with and make sure that it is in your ds's best interests while still promoting a relationship with his father.

bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:01 AM

just try to be "flexible" like have a minimum and maximum amount of supervised visitation that you would like to offer to show that you are willing to compromise. I wish you luck.

Quoting Anonymous:

In the summons, me and my lawyer put that we wanted supervised visits. So we shall see wat happens.

Quoting bustybee:

if asked explain your concerns to the judge. depending on the age of your child you may be able to limit unsupervised contact until your child is old enough. be prepared to offer what you would be most comfortable with and make sure that it is in your ds's best interests while still promoting a relationship with his father.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:03 AM
I can't set a limit though. Cause it all depends on when HE gets his shit together.

Quoting bustybee:

just try to be "flexible" like have a minimum and maximum amount of supervised visitation that you would like to offer to show that you are willing to compromise. I wish you luck.


Quoting Anonymous:

In the summons, me and my lawyer put that we wanted supervised visits. So we shall see wat happens.


Quoting bustybee:


if asked explain your concerns to the judge. depending on the age of your child you may be able to limit unsupervised contact until your child is old enough. be prepared to offer what you would be most comfortable with and make sure that it is in your ds's best interests while still promoting a relationship with his father.




 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:07 AM
He probably doesn't deserve the nice side. Unless you can have him out of your life for good, you will be dealing with him for a long time. Find a good support system with family or friends that can be there when you have to deal with him and that might help you keep it calm. There is no simple answer. Sorry
Quoting Anonymous:

That's very true but so very hard. Lol. He knows every way to make me snap. And I feel like he don't deserve the nice side of me. Lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

It's easy to get stuck in that pattern, because that's just what you 2 do. It takes a conscious effort to break that pattern. He knows how to push your buttons and you react. Throw him for a loop and take the high road by not reacting the way he thinks you are going to. If you stay calm and reasonable, how can he fight with you? You can learn to communicate without it escalating to an argument. It just takes time and effort. It takes 2 to argue, and if one doesn't then the other one can't!



Quoting Anonymous:

I know. We go weeks without talking and then one of us will text the other and say 'we need to talk. don't wanna fight. Just talk.' But it always ends up in a fight. Honestly, I don't even know why half the time.



And last time we talked.. I started getting angry so I asked if we could talk later cause I knew if I stayed on the phone, I would end up freaking out on him.. and that just pissed him off so we fought anyway.



Quoting Anonymous:

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:09 AM
I think all my friends and family, hate him worse than I do. Lol. But thanks. I know its not going to be easy and will most likely have to deal with him forever. Just wish he would grow up.

Quoting Anonymous:

He probably doesn't deserve the nice side. Unless you can have him out of your life for good, you will be dealing with him for a long time. Find a good support system with family or friends that can be there when you have to deal with him and that might help you keep it calm. There is no simple answer. Sorry



Quoting Anonymous:

That's very true but so very hard. Lol. He knows every way to make me snap. And I feel like he don't deserve the nice side of me. Lol.



Quoting Anonymous:

It's easy to get stuck in that pattern, because that's just what you 2 do. It takes a conscious effort to break that pattern. He knows how to push your buttons and you react. Throw him for a loop and take the high road by not reacting the way he thinks you are going to. If you stay calm and reasonable, how can he fight with you? You can learn to communicate without it escalating to an argument. It just takes time and effort. It takes 2 to argue, and if one doesn't then the other one can't!






Quoting Anonymous:

I know. We go weeks without talking and then one of us will text the other and say 'we need to talk. don't wanna fight. Just talk.' But it always ends up in a fight. Honestly, I don't even know why half the time.





And last time we talked.. I started getting angry so I asked if we could talk later cause I knew if I stayed on the phone, I would end up freaking out on him.. and that just pissed him off so we fought anyway.





Quoting Anonymous:

When you know a fight is about to start, stop and think of what's best for your child.  You 2 fighting isn't good at all. 






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