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did i approach this wrong? im confused. (kinda long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 68 Replies
Ok, so my sons father and I haven't spoken to eachother in almost a month (expect a short convo last week) until today. Of course we would fight. Can someone tell me how I could have approached this differertly so I didn't get this negativity.

This is the conversation:

Me: Did u get my text a few mins ago?

Him: What text? Why are you starting shit?

Me: DS is really sick.

Him: Well I've been calling.

Me: He has a doctors appointment at 345pm, ill let you know what happens.

Him: Can I tall to him?

Me: He's sleeping right now.

Him: Well let me know.

Me: You need to decide what you want. Not talk to him and tell him ur coming then not show or call. Why did u tell him u were coming last week and didn't?

Him: U say I got to hang out there. Im not hangin out there. He safe with me hes my son I would never put him in any danger. U kno that so let me have him here and ill even pick him up.

Me: Well I'm sick of you saying your coming and then just not showing. That doesn't make me trust you. I even told you that I wouldn't be here. I told you my conditions and you can't meet me half way. And to be honest, idk you enough to trust you anymore. After everything you have done. Idk whether he's safe or not.

Him: Fuck it. Fuck you, fuck everyone.

So I call him and he just proceeds to call me names and say I'm holding DS against him. I have my reasons why I don't trust him to take DS on his own. Drugs, new gfs every week, keeping him up until like midnight. Our DS is 2. And I wouldn't care but he does it the whole time he has him and then he's off the schedule, I've worked so hard to get him on.

I asked him if he would come to counseling with me. Not for us, but to learn how to get along for our son. We seriously cannot talk without fighting. It lasts 5 seconds before a fight starts. I don't get it. Well he said he hates counselors and he hates me so he's not sene Then hangs up. I call back and he asks when and where the counseling session is. I tell him tomorrow at 1pm and its here in my town. (We live 1.5 hours away from eachother.) Well why would I make it by his town? I can't trust him to show up. I'm not going to waste my gas for nothing. So he gets mad that its all the way here. And hangs up. I haven't talked to him since.

Did I say something to provoke that reaction? I don't get it.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 4, 2013 at 12:55 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:05 PM
Bump
thenameshailie
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:08 PM
11 moms liked this

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:22 PM
Yeah. Probably.. but what I said needed to be said. And Its truth. Idk. Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and let him do and act whatever way he wants.

Quoting thenameshailie:

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness

thenameshailie
by Ruby Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:23 PM

It is probably a conversation that needs to be had but I dont think that was the right time or place for it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah. Probably.. but what I said needed to be said. And Its truth. Idk. Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and let him do and act whatever way he wants.

Quoting thenameshailie:

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:27 PM
1 mom liked this

you started with him right after he said "well let me know" 

I understand your frustration. But if you want your son to have a relationship with his father than you need to stop riding him so hard. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:28 PM

he knows it is the truth. 

but u have to look at his point of view as well. He does not want to hang out at your house so that he can see his son. 

Why won't you let him take his son out of your house?


Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah. Probably.. but what I said needed to be said. And Its truth. Idk. Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and let him do and act whatever way he wants.

Quoting thenameshailie:

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I said in my op. Drugs, different gfs (his choice. Just don't want my son to be introduced to millions of girls), and I don't even know where he lives! And he refuses to tell me.



Quoting Anonymous:

he knows it is the truth. 

but u have to look at his point of view as well. He does not want to hang out at your house so that he can see his son. 

Why won't you let him take his son out of your house?



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah. Probably.. but what I said needed to be said. And Its truth. Idk. Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and let him do and act whatever way he wants.



Quoting thenameshailie:

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness




Monsita
by Silver Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:31 PM

hugsI do not think you did approach this wrong!!!  I think that no matter how you would have handled it HE WOULD HAVE USED THE SAME KIND OF REACTION AND LANGUAGE!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:32 PM
Ok so what's to hard? Or not enough? Or to little?

Quoting Anonymous:

you started with him right after he said "well let me know" 

I understand your frustration. But if you want your son to have a relationship with his father than you need to stop riding him so hard. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:32 PM


do you have a court ordered that states he must tell you where he lives?

Quoting Anonymous:

I said in my op. Drugs, different gfs (his choice. Just don't want my son to be introduced to millions of girls), and I don't even know where he lives! And he refuses to tell me.



Quoting Anonymous:

he knows it is the truth. 

but u have to look at his point of view as well. He does not want to hang out at your house so that he can see his son. 

Why won't you let him take his son out of your house?



Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah. Probably.. but what I said needed to be said. And Its truth. Idk. Maybe I just need to shut my mouth and let him do and act whatever way he wants.



Quoting thenameshailie:

Well when he said "okay let me know" you should have just said "okay, I will" and left it at that instead of bring up his flakiness






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