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Update on dd: may 11th . I just found out my 14 year old is pregnant. UPDATE PAGE 24 UPDATE2

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Last year my middle dd started acting out. she was failing her classes, acting up at school an at home. i thought it had something to do with the fact that her dad and mines divorce was official (we parted on good terms, we still remain friends, we just no longer loved each other the way we use to and didnt comminucate well as husband and wife) and she hadnt seen him alot since he had moved one town over for work (they spent weekends with him).

we did family counseling.

and dd did therapy since she seemed so troubled.

well the problem seemed to be her friends.

she was caught smoking in school with a friend.

and every time she was in trouble at school it seemed to lead to her friends.

her therapist recomended switching her to a new school to see if that helped.

we decided that maybe it would be best for her to stay with father during the week and with me on weekends, that way she had a new school and a fresh start with friends.

the other kids and i visited frequently.

her grades were great. she had nice friends. and seemed so much happier.

over spring break we spent alot of time there seeing her and the kids spending time with their dad.

dd spoke up over dinner one night and was dead set on moving back in with me.

so her dad and i talked to her and told her that that was perfectly fine but if being around her old friends caused problems again then she.d have to go to a different school.

she was happy, and said that it wouldnt be a problem at all because she was much happier now.

so we were back to all 3 kids with me during the week, and with their dad on weekends.

well a few days ago (she had been back exactly 2 weeks) she asked if id take her to the doctor. when i asked why she said 'i think im pregnant'.

i bought a test, which was positive and scheduled her an appointment which was at 4:00 today.


and she is pregnant. they estimated about 8-9 weeks.

i called her dad, he'll be here soon so we can both have a long talk with her to figure things out and explain to her all of the options she has.

i just have no clue what to think right now.




eta, she wont talk to us at all

we asked who her boyfriend was, she said 'i dont have one'

asked who the father was, 'there isnt one/

asked who she had sex with , 'no one'

i told her that we cant help her if she wont talk to us.

she started crying and said 'i dont want to talk/


i tried to hug her and she pushed me away and ran up to her room.


her dad tried to get her to come out& she wont, she wont us.

she asked for katie (her older sister) and shes in there with her.

exdh is going to stay the night and camp out down stairs.

maybe she will confide in katie..


if not we.ll let her have some time and try again tomorrow..


eta- we ended up at the police station instead of therapy.

she told me that her dad worked late one night so she went to her friends for a bit after school.

she said her friend had to do chores and that her 23 yr old brother invited her to sit in his room.

i wont add details, clearly you see where this shit i7 going.

she also said he took pictures.

right now shes in the living room eating pizza and talking to katie.


later tonite after we.ve all calmed down we.ll talk to her about option7


Update 3: we talked to her. Right now all she knows is that she doesn't want to have an abortion.

We Covered the option of keeping the Baby and my friend who has given a child up for adoption and who also works for an adoption agency is coming over later to explain adoption to her (because we don't know much about it).



Update 4/ he's been arrested.
They found not only photos, but videos on his lap top. And not just of dd.

From what dd said and what I saw, non of it seemed ~ consensual ~ .


That is enough to put him in jail and get and get his DNA for a paternity test.



Eta/ a majority of the other girls have been identified and located.

We've met them and their parents.






eta5- the last two girls were fnund.
al5 are going to testify



Update 6/

shes attending alternative school 3 hours a day for now. she hasnt decided betweeo adoption and keeping the baby but either way shes staying pregnant and her obgyn and therapist both dont want her at school full time. and her dad i didnt think itd be a good idea to send her back to her old school anyway.

shes been having nightmares. ones that are bad enough that she ends up coming into my bed or her sisters and laying with one of us.

during the day shes ok. she talks. jokes around. she goes to therapy and has counseling with the other girls.

but at night the nightmares hit.. shes currently keeping a journal describing them for therapy...

She has been learning a lot about adoption.

I know a lot of you women say that adoption would be best.

Honestly I don't know what would be best. I'm not going to push her in either direction. I am going to educate her and support her decision. Some of you said that she shouldn't keep the baby because she can't financially support it because she can't get a job. she can't get a job, but not supporting financially on her own doesn't mean she can't provide the Love and care her baby would need. If she decides to keep the baby then I still haven kids old baby furniture, and we would help however we could, I am not going to deny her the right to keep her baby if that's what she wants to do.

Some of you said that as her mother I need to make a choice for her. I can't do that. I would love go wrap her up, tell her it's over and going to be ok. But I can't. It's not over. She's pregnant. And I can't make this choice for her. I'm not going to force her one way or the other and risk having her regret it for the rest of her life because it wasnt what she wanted.

You women may not agree with me, but I don't care. Yes she is young, and some don't think she can make this choice. But I know my daughter and I know she will choose what she feels is best.

Update may 11: I was able to get on a PC to update since my phone won't let me edit my post.

Dd is doing better. So are the rest of the girls.

As I explained in the replies I won't be going into a lot of details about the legal aspect if things until court is all said and done.


Dd and Katie have become Become even closer.

She is doing well at the alternative school. She has already completed enough for an English credit and a math credit .she is how working on a science credit. At the alternative school you work on one credit at a time until you have 40 and can graduate.

Exdh has been staying here on weekends. With everything that's happened he's been wanting to be around all the kids as much as possible and as far away from that neighborhood where everything happened... He has actually been blaming himself and thinks that he should've been able to know that something happened and should have been able to protect her.. We are all in family counseling together, everyone has been hit pretty hard..

Dds therapy is going well. She's still having nightmares but not as bad.

She's even made a few friends at her alternative school.

She loves her school.

The teachers are great and are so amazing with her and the other kids. It just really seems like a place where the kids can continue their educations with out haven't to feel judged by the teachers and peers.
She's doing great there and I hope not continues to be so helpful to her.

She also wants to keep the baby.
She's keeping all the information she has in adoption, but she seems very certain that she wants to keep the baby. And as I said before, we will support her decision 100%.

We are going to work up a plan for how we will work things out for her to attend school, get thing for the baby etc after he/she is born. I'm thinking that since she isn't quite old enough for a job her father and will supply certain things since we would do that any way, and she can "work" for a pay check by doing certain other things. Kind of like how some teens do chores to earn an allowance (our kids haven't received an allowance for chores) but she will earn a "pay check" to be spent on her babies needs. I'm not sure at this point, but until she can get a job we are going to need a system and a plan to make things work.

That's where we are at at this point..
She's doing well.
The legal aspect is a little harder but everyone is managing.
And we are trying to work out a plan for how things can work with the baby since she is seeming certain that she wants to keep the baby..

I will update as things happen.

And would like to say thank you for all the prayers an support.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:52 PM
Replies (141-150):
PinkButterfly66
by Emerald Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:59 PM

Have you considered the possibility that she was raped?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this
My parents spanked and disciplined me. They knew (thought anyways) where i was at all times. I still got pregnant at 16.




Quoting Anonymous:

little smart mouth, out of line, fast little girl ...this is WHY kids NEED SPANKINGS....ugh... so free to do as they want with no fear.... My children will NOT come home pregnant because i know where they are at ALL TIMES and because they get spankings... they WOULDN'T DARE try to go outside of these boundaries ...... another teen given to much freedom and not enough discipline....smh


jeweldragons
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Maybe she was raped.
TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:01 PM
2 moms liked this

 

I always love it when those who haven't parented teens yet are the most judgmental because they can't imagine their cute 2 year olds EVER going against their will.

Ha ha ha ha ha

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting Anonymous:

I love it when people blame thier child's asshole behavior on "freinds". You failed as a parent, suck it up and pray your daughter does a better job than you.

and how many teenagers do you have?


 

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:02 PM

 I was wondering this too.  Who knows what happened, until she gets the facts. 


Quoting PinkButterfly66:

Have you considered the possibility that she was raped?


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:02 PM
....im praying not..

but we wont know anything until she talks to someone...

if she wont say anything by monday im going to get call her old therapist and see if maybe it would be a good idea to start here in again.


Quoting Anonymous:

Her words/reaction/wanting to move make me wonder if she was raped.

Mommy2beQua
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:02 PM
Same here!


Quoting Sunshine2plus2:

Good luck, it will all work out! My mom was pregnant with me at 14!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 38 on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 

anonymous or not ...My daughter is 17 and a senior in high school, My son is 12 and an athlete himself. BOTH of which still have curfews, get spanked,do not talk back, obey my house rules and for dam sure are not pregnantor anywhere on that path! My kids walk with not only respect for me but respect for themselves which means they know ,understand and fear the risk that they put on their bodies if they smoke ,drink or have sex at a young age. Not only that but i will SPANK THEIR ASS if they ever were to do half the shit some of you parents let you "children" who behave and talk like adults get away with!

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Said the coward anonymous, who likely has nothing but small children - not teens.

We were all perfect then and knew exactly how we were going to make everything go our way, and make our teens do exactly what we say when we say it.

Then we had teens, and it's a little more complicated that that...

 

Quoting Anonymous:

little smart mouth, out of line, fast little girl ...this is WHY kids NEED SPANKINGS....ugh... so free to do as they want with no fear.... My children will NOT come home pregnant because i know where they are at ALL TIMES and because they get spankings... they WOULDN'T DARE try to go outside of these boundaries ...... another teen given to much freedom and not enough discipline....smh

 

 


 

ans11950
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:07 PM
Please give her space and let her come to terms with everything herself before you guys are all on her case. I know 14 is very young but if she works hard and has support from you and her father things will be ok. Babies are a blessing, in every situation.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:07 PM
1 mom liked this
That's right I am a bitch because I think parents need to do their damn job. Its fucked up that parents today have no control what so ever other their kids.


Quoting .ChiMama.:

Straight up bitches




Quoting Anonymous:

This






Quoting Anonymous:

I love it when people blame thier child's asshole behavior on "freinds". You failed as a parent, suck it up and pray your daughter does a better job than you.




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