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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

So, if a kid has a meltdown in a restaurant

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Do they have just as much of a right to be there as everyone else? Someone in a post said if their kid is in a meltdown and others don't like their autistic child having a meltdown, it's the quiet people who need to leave. Do you agree?

"your not going to stop a strong willed mother from taking her beautiful child out to dinner if she sees fit. Meltdown or not.. and I would LOVE to see a restaurant try to kick us out because my child has a medical issue. Bring it on.. Because you can believe this momma wouldn't go down without a fight in a matter of speaking"
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:18 AM
Replies (561-570):
raegansmom
by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:03 AM

 I must have some superchild?  I don't recall her ever throwing a tantrum while we were out?  She knew how to behave in public from a very early age.  Even now, at 6 if she hears a kid crying or screaming, she covers her ears because it annoys her.

blsdbyangel07
by Evil Food Lady on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:05 AM

When Naeem has a temper tantrum I remove him from the situation....  The stares are God awful.  And I know and understand both sides but I do try to remove him until he calms down.  If he never calms down we return long enough to request take out for our food and leave.  Oh and there are far & inbetween now that he's 6.  But he does have behavioral issues so it can happen and that is protocol for us.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 107 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:07 AM
I agree completely. The world isn't perfect and neither is everyone in it. I love how people without autistic kids want to force you to stay at home because your son throws an occasional tantrum. Why don't we just ban alll disabled people from all public places and be done with it! I haven't seem an ounce of sympathy or understanding here. If people only knew the courage and patience it takes to be the parent of an autistic child. The grief and daily pain. Perhaps their comments wouldn't be so ignorant and insensitive. I feel for you.


Quoting ValRiggs:

Lol.. I love how you keep hididng behind 'annonymous'.. In any event.. I was mainly referring to the times when we are out of town and have no choice but to take the children out to dinner.. YES my son throwns tantrums sometimes (not all the time) but yes.. He is autistic.. Simply giving him crayons and paper to color does not work. In most cases when I try to redirect his attention, he lashes out even more, so the best thing for me to do is ignore it.. and he will eventually stop. It might take 5 minutes it might take 10. But that's my decision. Like I said in the other post.. We do have a right to be out in public as well. I get so sick and tired of ppl always being so judemental. We are all adults here for crying out loud.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 107 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:10 AM
Really nolanzo? Not that difficult? What if that parent is alone and with another child in the middle of winter? Should she pack up all her gear and go outside to save you 10 minutes of annoyance? Grow up.


Quoting Nolanzo:

Expecting everyone else within earshot of your child to put up with 10 or even 5 minutes of screaming, whining, wailing, flailing, whatever it is he does is RUDE. Plain and simple.



Take.Him.Outside. Its not that difficult.



You have conditioned yourself to be able to tune him out. The rest of the world has not. Nor should they be forced to try.






Quoting ValRiggs:

Lol.. I love how you keep hididng behind 'annonymous'.. In any event.. I was mainly referring to the times when we are out of town and have no choice but to take the children out to dinner.. YES my son throwns tantrums sometimes (not all the time) but yes.. He is autistic.. Simply giving him crayons and paper to color does not work. In most cases when I try to redirect his attention, he lashes out even more, so the best thing for me to do is ignore it.. and he will eventually stop. It might take 5 minutes it might take 10. But that's my decision. Like I said in the other post.. We do have a right to be out in public as well. I get so sick and tired of ppl always being so judemental. We are all adults here for crying out loud.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 108 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:12 AM

I agree.  Take the child out to recollect.  It could be the bathroom if outside is too cold.  Medical condition or not, there is some method of control that can keep the disruption from happening.  The purpose for exposing children to situations like that is to teach them how to behave in those places, if you let the disruption continue, you've taught them nothing.  This answer comes from talking with how the parent of my autistic stusent has helped to decelop social skills.  she told me this is how it should be done, and I ahev to say, her kid is better behaved in many situations than some "normal" kids.  i think the rule applies to all, not just those with challenged children.  Plus, I wouldn't "enjoy" myself while my kid was screaming anyways.

Yogamom08
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:13 AM
If my kid has a tantrum in a restaurant, one of us takes him to the car until he calms down. It's not for other people's comfort though. We just teach our son that if he has a tantrum, he isn't allowed to be there.
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romalove
by SakePrincess on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:14 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree completely. The world isn't perfect and neither is everyone in it. I love how people without autistic kids want to force you to stay at home because your son throws an occasional tantrum. Why don't we just ban alll disabled people from all public places and be done with it! I haven't seem an ounce of sympathy or understanding here. If people only knew the courage and patience it takes to be the parent of an autistic child. The grief and daily pain. Perhaps their comments wouldn't be so ignorant and insensitive. I feel for you.


Quoting ValRiggs:

Lol.. I love how you keep hididng behind 'annonymous'.. In any event.. I was mainly referring to the times when we are out of town and have no choice but to take the children out to dinner.. YES my son throwns tantrums sometimes (not all the time) but yes.. He is autistic.. Simply giving him crayons and paper to color does not work. In most cases when I try to redirect his attention, he lashes out even more, so the best thing for me to do is ignore it.. and he will eventually stop. It might take 5 minutes it might take 10. But that's my decision. Like I said in the other post.. We do have a right to be out in public as well. I get so sick and tired of ppl always being so judemental. We are all adults here for crying out loud.


A few comments.

First, most people cannot distinguish between an autistic child who is melting down and a neurotypical child having a temper tantrum.  Considerate adults know, in a situation where people are paying to eat in a restaurant, not to inflict their own child's behavior on others.

Second, there is nothing in that to say parents with autistic children who may melt down should stay at home and hide.  There has to be a balance; you take them out, you acclimate them as best you can to being in the world, and when they are not handling it because they cannot process properly, you remove them from the situation.

Being kind has to go both ways.  My nephews are both autistic.  My sister in law has certain "tricks" to help my nephew through when he is overwhelmed, including noise cancelling headphones, bringing his DS with him so he has something to focus on, foods in her purse that he is always willing to eat when other foods will not suffice, etc.

The idea that because your child is autistic you can bring them everywhere and if they are acting out everyone else around has to deal is absurd.  Compassion is important and so is common sense, from all sides.

randomosityblog
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:15 AM

If your child is having a meltdown in public you need to shut them up or leave until they can calm down. Period. Anything else is rude.

romalove
by SakePrincess on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:16 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

I agree.  Take the child out to recollect.  It could be the bathroom if outside is too cold.  Medical condition or not, there is some method of control that can keep the disruption from happening.  The purpose for exposing children to situations like that is to teach them how to behave in those places, if you let the disruption continue, you've taught them nothing.  Plus, I wouldn't "enjoy" myself while my kid was screaming anyways.

For clarification:

One of the hallmarks of autism is an inability to properly process multiples streams of information.  This means that in a crowded or noisy place an autistic child sometimes cannot handle the environmental stress around them.  It isn't something "taught", it is something they learn to deal with, given age, exposure, and sometimes tricks and tips they are taught in order to deal with their issues.  They get overwhelmed and melt down.

I am pointing this out because for autistics it's not necessarily a teaching issue but a behavior modification issue.  At any rate, a melting down child for any reason must be removed from a place where they are disrupting everyone around them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 107 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:17 AM
Wow wow wow. So much ignorance here. I don't think she's saying she lets the kid scream indefinitely. I reprimand my kid and do my best to calm her and if its out of control I leave but if I'm at a family resteraunts expect at least a little noise! If its a full blown tantrum I leave. I wouldn't take my toddler to a fancy restaurant and I go early like at 4 or 5. If you don't want to hear kids go to a more expensive restaurant! What a bunch of jerks on here!
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