Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I just found out DD13 *Update 5* SHE CONFESSED!

Posted by Anonymous
  • 298 Replies
8 moms liked this
could be dating a 16 yo at her school. Her 2 best friends wanted to talk to me in private and told me they were concerned about her. This guy touches her in inappropriate spots during school and gets angry if she doesn't text him during classes. The only time she's in any position to be alone with him is during sporting events and her friends said they go off together somewhere until the event is over and she's picked up. They told me about this because they think he could be mentally abusive toward her.

I don't know where to start. I'm thinking of checking through her phone for one to see if this is true and then what? 3 years may not seem like a big deal to some people but a 10th grader that can drive dating a 7th grade girl? Wtf? Not to mention if he is abusive.

ETA: Thank you ladies for the support and helpful advice. I'll be talking to my daughter and telling her an employee at school contacted me with worry about her being close to an older male student and if there's anything she needs to tell me. If she denies, I'll ask for her passwords and check there. I'll update later.

I confronted my daughter. I said somebody from her school had worried about her and another boy and I wanted to know what was going on. She told me "Nothing" then I asked her for her phone, and her facebook/yahoo messenger passwords. She said she wasn't giving me anything because there was nothing going on. I told her "Well, I guess just to make sure I'll go up to the school tomorrow and talk to everybody just to make sure." She busted out crying and admitted to having a boyfriend. That she didn't want me or DH to know about it. I asked her about the inappropriate touching and the texting thing and she told me he would get mad if she couldn't text him back during class and he'd get mad and say mean things to her. I asked her what he said and she wouldn't tell me. Okay I'd gotten something out of that. Then I asked what about the inappropriate touching and she said "It didn't matter to me, we'd already had sex." As much as I tried not to flip out on her I told her tomorrow this guy's parents would be called and I will talk to the principal and guidance counselor about having them watched. She won't have any freedom without me or DH for a long time. She begged me not to go down there tomorrow but it did nothing. I took her phone and her computer from her. All she has left is her iPod Touch and I will be taking that away when she stops hiding it from me. My next step is going to the school tomorrow and getting them and the guy's parents involved.

Update 2:
I was able to change the wifi password. When DH just got off work 15 minutes ago and I've had to keep him up to date. I hope he can stay calm and try to talk to her too. He's extremely angry about this and is happy how I've handled this so far. Wish him luck!

Update 3:
DH talked to her. He reassured her what we're doing is for her own good and out of love for her. He got her iPod from her. We're still going to the school tomorrow and hopefully will meet with his parents. As for pressing charges, I'm not sure. I'm so tempted to if he's done anything illegal. Before I was able to change the wifi password, she texted the guy on an app. His texts just reassured me of what her friends told me and it just really pissed me off. I'm not sure if it would be appropriate of me to post the screenshots on here, but these were not good. I showed it to DH and he said nobody is going to talk to his daughter like that and he's pissed.

Update 4:
Me and DH went to the school this morning. The principal and counselor talked with us and had noticed they were spending time together during school hours. They never saw them do anything inappropriate (from what I've been told, the principal, vice principal, and counselor only stand at one specific spot during in between classes, so who knows), so they never notified us. The principal called the guy's father and he came up to the school. He was angry at what he heard and told us if we're so concerned about his son, we can keep our daughter away from him ourselves. This was after showing them the screenshots of the messages. The principal said he'd tell their teachers to keep a close eye on both of them and that was it. Whether or not they'll do it, who knows. I left out anything about them having sex because I'm still not sure about pressing charges. DD hasn't exactly said more about that but I'm hoping after I talk to her more when she wakes up from her nap and make sure she realizes we're not being mean to her, that we honestly just care about her and love her, she'll open up. From now on, she won't be going anywhere alone. The only time she'll use a phone or computer is in front of me or my DH and we will be seeing everything she does.

Update 5:
My DD opened up and finally broke down. She told me what happened from the beginning. She started talking to him in December, a month before she even turned 13. He bought her small things here and there like candy, he walked her to her classes everyday and made her laugh. They started having sex in January and have been using the pull out method. She told him to use a condom but he wouldn't. I asked her if she really thought she was ready for sex, and she told me she got tired of him asking her almost everyday and gave in. I then asked her where this happened and she said they'd leave the gym when she was dropped off and they'd either go to his truck or a friend's house nearby. I asked her about abuse going on and she said he'd call her names and lose his temper easily. He hit her twice, once on the face and the other on her chest, but she doesn't bruise easily and it wasn't enough to actually show up even though it hurt.

It's official. I've cried it out and we're going to the police with whatever evidence we can get. I'm calling Sprint tomorrow and pulling her texts from her iPhone along with getting DD tested ASAP. For everybody that's been saying that if he gets a criminal record that'll follow him forever, so be it. Punkasses who go after a 12 year old and will hit a 13 year old need to be taught a lesson.

Again, thank you all. Cafemom is really the only place I can let anything out and get advice from without worrying my mother or other family members who would go overboard if I came to them with a problem like this. I feel very lucky to have gotten the support I have. I'm headed to bed, and I'll check back tomorrow whenever I can find the moment to. It's going to be a long day for us all. Goodnight.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:13 PM
2 moms liked this
Check her phone. Get password to facebook. E-mail, twitter, tumbler. What ever she uses
by Evil Food Lady on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Oh wow idk mama :(  I'd look at her phone, fb, etc.  Then if it's true i'd start with getting with the school and possibly his parents?  Goood luck to you!  Please keep us updated!

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:14 PM

I don't really know what to tell you but just be glad her friends came to you they usually stick together

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:16 PM

Yeah it may only be 3 years and well my ex is 14 years older than me at that age it is an issue. I mean really my ex was 27 when I was 13 it would be have been sick and wrong then.

I'm a tattooed,pagan,pro-choice,pro-legalizing marijuana,pro-gay marriage,anti-war,non-vaxing,tree hugging,animal loving,book reading,animal testing free,depression battling, trying to raise a free spirit and letting her be who she is but still teaching her important life lessons,fighting for equal rights at the same time,don't like it get over it.

by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:17 PM
Huh..I honestly don't know on that one. I actually met my now fiance at 13, he was 17. We fooled around but ended up not getting together because my parents wouldn't allow it. Now, I'm 20, he's 24, and we have been together for 3 years. We started dating at 17. I have loved him since 13, never slept with anyone till him at 17. I was depressed for literally years until we got together, I became a recluse and didn't want to do anything. I partied alot though, and thankfully he came back to me (: he is an amazing man, wonderful father, and I sometimes wish my parents hadn't pushed us apart BUT who knows if we would.have.made it through the "dramatic" years of adolescence. So do what you feel is right momma. I mean, my fiance is in no way abusive, or anything. So idk. But we also hung out every chance we got, and he was amazing, never pressured me. Until my parents stopped us, we had only ever kissed and over the clothes stuff. It was all harmless. But I have no doubt, I would have given him my virginity at 13 if we ever had the chance. I'd talk to hee, ans don't get mad. Otherwise she might close us.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:18 PM
I didn't think about facebook. I really need to get myself together so I can think clearer :(

Quoting Anonymous:

Check her phone. Get password to facebook. E-mail, twitter, tumbler. What ever she uses

by Jennifer on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Jump in with both feet!  Do not allow her to go to sporting events alone anymore.  Get the boy's name and information about him.  Get the shchool involved and try to keep them apart there.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM
I wonder if the school would know anything. We're in a small town, but I've honestly never heard his name before.

Quoting blsdbyangel07:

Oh wow idk mama :(  I'd look at her phone, fb, etc.  Then if it's true i'd start with getting with the school and possibly his parents?  Goood luck to you!  Please keep us updated!

by Emerald Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM
my first thought is talk to your daughter. then talk to the boys parents the boy a guidance counselor at school
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by ThePonds on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM

Wow! Good luck, and thankfully she has some amazing friends.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)