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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Denied: Accepting My Identity

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Upon coming out to my family after my son was born, I reached out to various mom groups that were mostly composed of other LGBT families. This worked out great for play dates and such. I have a gay uncle who said," if you don't make it wired to them (children), they won't ever think its weird. " So our son has socialized in the same groups since he was born. For a majority of his life, he has been raised in a lesbian household. I haven't seen a problem with this.

For the last year I have been in a very stable relationship. One that I have proclaimed to be the best one I've ever been in. If seen in public, you'd probably say we are the straightest gay couple you've ever seen. My partner has fit into my lifestyle very well with family and friends. However, since my partner has come out to friends as transgender, I am getting mixed reviews. I no longer am welcome at the lesbian parent groups. This is frustrating. I've tried talking to a few friends in this group. I have explained that just because my partner has changed identities, it doesn't mean that I have. I guess I have been blessed this far to think that the LGBT community as a family. I don't understand the need to segregate myself.

What would you do?
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by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (41-50):
laurenryan
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Well jello would be very disappointed in me lol. Consider me the discontinued model hahaha


Quoting ColleenF30:

I am so sorry this happened. It seems like you have to fit this perfect little mold in some groups to be accepted.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:57 PM

But, if your partner is a man, you're not a lesbian.

Quoting laurenryan:

It's just what I identify as. My partner always jokes and says he supports his lesbian wife. He also says he's a straight man in a lesbians body. We are pretty light hearted about it. Some would say I am pansexual, but I have not dated multiples. I chose to date someone who later came out as transgendered. Should I have to change my identity bc the person I'm dating did? No.. My partner doesn't define me.


Quoting xixCandyxix:

I'm sorry, if you are with someone that is living as a man, how are you still a lesbian? My brother was born female and dates females now that he's a man (only had the top surgery) but he is still considered straight. I am honestly confused here.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this

 Ok that's one I have never heard of. What is a pansexual?

Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:58 PM

So i'm confused,  doesn't that mean you won't be a lesbian if you stay with him after his change is done?

FoodIsLife
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:59 PM

stupid that the LGB*T* community is having problems with it.

laurenryan
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:59 PM
In the eyes of society it's a toss up. Legally , no. It's a huge process. A process that eventually landed my partner in the decision of not re enlisting to retire from the military. While DADT has been repealed the military does not allow you to serve openly as a transgendered person. In civilian life, one must complete so many hours of therapy and various surgeries to prove the 'switch'. Then you must appeal the gender marker on your birth certificate. Otherwise we are treated as a no rights gay couple.


Quoting MommynMonster:

Confused- so once your partner transitions into a male, does that make you and him a regular straight couple?


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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:00 PM
Lesbian couples, like all humans, tend to want to interact with those people who are like them and going through the same issues. once your partner has gender reassignment, you won't be 'like them' anymore. You'll just be a straight couple. People who see you on the street won't see you as lesbians, so you won't have the same issues they do.
Quoting laurenryan:

My partner is bio- female, but he carries on his life as male. He is still pre-op, but has started the psych process.


Quoting Anonymous:

Transgender as in what is your partner, male or female born?

laurenryan
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this
How is it nonsense? These are families that our children have grown up with. I didn't bring in a child molester or a drug addict.


Quoting csxt99:

Time to remind the Ls what the T stands for!  Isn't there enough crap from those outside the community? Do they really need to invite the nonsense from within, too?!?!?!?!?!?!  


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I hear ya there lol. I rarely fit in anywhere. I grin and laugh about it a lot.

Quoting laurenryan:

Well jello would be very disappointed in me lol. Consider me the discontinued model hahaha


Quoting ColleenF30:

I am so sorry this happened. It seems like you have to fit this perfect little mold in some groups to be accepted.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:02 PM
I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?

Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!
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