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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Denied: Accepting My Identity

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Upon coming out to my family after my son was born, I reached out to various mom groups that were mostly composed of other LGBT families. This worked out great for play dates and such. I have a gay uncle who said," if you don't make it wired to them (children), they won't ever think its weird. " So our son has socialized in the same groups since he was born. For a majority of his life, he has been raised in a lesbian household. I haven't seen a problem with this.

For the last year I have been in a very stable relationship. One that I have proclaimed to be the best one I've ever been in. If seen in public, you'd probably say we are the straightest gay couple you've ever seen. My partner has fit into my lifestyle very well with family and friends. However, since my partner has come out to friends as transgender, I am getting mixed reviews. I no longer am welcome at the lesbian parent groups. This is frustrating. I've tried talking to a few friends in this group. I have explained that just because my partner has changed identities, it doesn't mean that I have. I guess I have been blessed this far to think that the LGBT community as a family. I don't understand the need to segregate myself.

What would you do?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:16 PM
Replies (71-80):
apollothor
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:51 PM

I tried replying before and was fixing a typo and accidentally hit post anonymously and I don't even know if the messed up response has popped up anywhere. Anyway, what I meant to say was that it's a shame that your group was narrow-minded instead of as open-minded as they should be. Anyone who dropped you was never a real friend to begin with, so you haven't lost friends. They ought to know better. In any case, you could join a transgender group. You could also join the kids' PTA at school and just give other people a chance to meet you and know you. You might meet other couples like yourselves or straight people who are nice and would welcome you and your kids. Just be yourselves. You seem like concerned parents and nice people.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 12 on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:54 PM
1 mom liked this

BUMP for later, genuinely curious, read through 3 pages but need to head out for now!

lady-J-Rock
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Really all the lesbian and gay people I know have been with their S/O for longer than dh and I have been together. My brother and Bil have been married longer than my other brother and ex sil. They were married less than a year. My brother and his husband have been together nearly 15 years. married for two years.


Quoting laurenryan:

True story. We do have our 'party friends'. They only seem to come around for holidays and birthday parties. The LGBT community definitely isn't known for long term relationships.




Quoting randomosityblog:

We have a hard time making friends in the LGBT community because we have kids and lead a very boring life, while all the LGBT folks we know are all worried about partying and fucking each other. :(

Quoting laurenryan:

Thank you. That was very nice of you to say.





Unfortunately as much as the community seems to be more accepting, many still are not.








Quoting xLilBit22:

Let me start off if thats the both of u in ur avitar pic very cute couple (: but oh man i am sorry this is going on. I wouldve figured they'd be accepting. Im not sure what u could do in this case bc any female i was with was transgender or wanted to be. But much good luck to u and hope u find understanding friends love. Im here if ur in need of a good vent.






Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
RiotPixie
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Pansexuals can love people of any gender identity. To them, it doesn't matter what a person is, only what is on the inside.


Quoting Anonymous:

I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?



Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:06 AM
Interesting! If you don't mind my asking, do you commit to any one person? Or do you just love who you love when you love them type thing? I don't mean to imply you're promiscuous, I don't mean that at all, just wondering if it means you don't commit long term? Or does it have nothing to do with commitment? I guess what I am missing is what makes people different? There are boys and there are girls even if a male identified as female, she would be considered female so where does pansexual differ from bisexual?

Quoting RiotPixie:

Pansexuals can love people of any gender identity. To them, it doesn't matter what a person is, only what is on the inside.




Quoting Anonymous:

I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?





Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!

laurenryan
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:04 AM
Bi sexual vs Pan sexual

There is some overlap when defining bisexual and pansexual orientation; however, there are important differences between the two identities.

Bisexual people are attracted sexually and romantically to both males and females, and are capable of engaging in sensual relationships with either sex. Despite being able to form meaningful, lasting relationships with both sexes, bisexual individuals may, to a small or large degree, have a preference for one sex over the other.

Similarly, pansexual people may be sexually attracted to individuals who identify as male or female; however, they may also be attracted to those who identify as intersex, third-gender, androgynous, transsexual, or the many other sexual and gender identities. The latter distinction is what draws the line between pansexuality and bisexuality. People who self-identify as pansexual do so with purpose, to express that they are able to be attracted to various gender and sexual identities, whether they fall within the gender binary or not. Recognition of the existence of different genders and sexualities is a major aspect of pansexual identity. Pansexual people are bisexual, in-fact; however, bisexuality does not place the same emphasis on sexual and gender identity awareness, but more simply indicates attraction to the two (generally accepted) biological sexes.



Quoting Anonymous:

Interesting! If you don't mind my asking, do you commit to any one person? Or do you just love who you love when you love them type thing? I don't mean to imply you're promiscuous, I don't mean that at all, just wondering if it means you don't commit long term? Or does it have nothing to do with commitment? I guess what I am missing is what makes people different? There are boys and there are girls even if a male identified as female, she would be considered female so where does pansexual differ from bisexual?



Quoting RiotPixie:

Pansexuals can love people of any gender identity. To them, it doesn't matter what a person is, only what is on the inside.






Quoting Anonymous:

I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?







Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
RiotPixie
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Because of being Pansexual, I have had problems committing I the past. I have 3 kids, another due in November. 4 different fathers. My longest relationship was a marriage that lasted 3 years 8 months. In learning now how to love myself more than someone else other than My children. I've been in a committed relationship since September, we took a break for a few weeks last month but are back together.


Quoting Anonymous:

Interesting! If you don't mind my asking, do you commit to any one person? Or do you just love who you love when you love them type thing? I don't mean to imply you're promiscuous, I don't mean that at all, just wondering if it means you don't commit long term? Or does it have nothing to do with commitment? I guess what I am missing is what makes people different? There are boys and there are girls even if a male identified as female, she would be considered female so where does pansexual differ from bisexual?



Quoting RiotPixie:

Pansexuals can love people of any gender identity. To them, it doesn't matter what a person is, only what is on the inside.






Quoting Anonymous:

I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?







Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
vegaswife2011
by LMAO on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry they are so judgmental, it's sad so many people are like that. Good luck to both of you!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:36 AM
Thank you! I didn't want to seem insensitive or judgey, I was curious! Thanks!

Quoting laurenryan:

Bi sexual vs Pan sexual



There is some overlap when defining bisexual and pansexual orientation; however, there are important differences between the two identities.



Bisexual people are attracted sexually and romantically to both males and females, and are capable of engaging in sensual relationships with either sex. Despite being able to form meaningful, lasting relationships with both sexes, bisexual individuals may, to a small or large degree, have a preference for one sex over the other.



Similarly, pansexual people may be sexually attracted to individuals who identify as male or female; however, they may also be attracted to those who identify as intersex, third-gender, androgynous, transsexual, or the many other sexual and gender identities. The latter distinction is what draws the line between pansexuality and bisexuality. People who self-identify as pansexual do so with purpose, to express that they are able to be attracted to various gender and sexual identities, whether they fall within the gender binary or not. Recognition of the existence of different genders and sexualities is a major aspect of pansexual identity. Pansexual people are bisexual, in-fact; however, bisexuality does not place the same emphasis on sexual and gender identity awareness, but more simply indicates attraction to the two (generally accepted) biological sexes.






Quoting Anonymous:

Interesting! If you don't mind my asking, do you commit to any one person? Or do you just love who you love when you love them type thing? I don't mean to imply you're promiscuous, I don't mean that at all, just wondering if it means you don't commit long term? Or does it have nothing to do with commitment? I guess what I am missing is what makes people different? There are boys and there are girls even if a male identified as female, she would be considered female so where does pansexual differ from bisexual?





Quoting RiotPixie:

Pansexuals can love people of any gender identity. To them, it doesn't matter what a person is, only what is on the inside.








Quoting Anonymous:

I've never heard the term pansexual, what does it mean? Is it that you're attracted to both genders? That's what I got from looking it up but I though bisexual is was the correct term? Or does it mean you do not committ?









Quoting RiotPixie:

I hate that you're going through this. I'm a Pansexual mother of 3 (number 4 on the way). I mostly date guys but that is solely because it's more socially acceptable. And I live in Chicago. Here's hoping you find your niche. Congrats to your SO for accepting who he is. Good luck mama!


sheymann
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:28 PM

I find it very sad that a Lesbian Gay Bisexual TRANSGENDER group is shutting you out because your partner is transgender. 

I also find it odd that you know so many LGBTs that party. All the ones I know are married and trying or have started families. lol

Good luck to you and your family!

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