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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Etiquette: children at weddings (update)

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:19 PM
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My sister is getting married at the end of may. I am her maid of honor. Her god-daughter, my 6 month old baby girl, is not invited to the wedding or reception as it is adults only." This has really hurt both mine and my husbands feelings as she has invited cousins that she absolutely can't stand but won't invite her "favorite" (and only) niece because she is underage. We have no one to leave her with besides my husbands sister and we don't want to do that because she is crazy and won't pay attention to her own horribly misbehaved children let alone anyone else's. My husband is the usher at the wedding but has stated he would rather leave and go pick up our dd after the ceremony rather than stay for the reception. I haven't told my sister this yet though she does know it put us in an awkward situation not having her there. It makes me second guess my decision to make her godmother even considering she doesn't want her at such an important event. Idk what to do. Obviously it is my duty to my sister to be there for her on her wedding day as maid of honor but it really saddens me she doesn't want my daughter in any of the pictures or anything. Should I just tell her not to expect my husband at the reception because he will be home taking care of our daughter?


Etu: She was maid of honor at my wedding so I have to be there for her. I told her my husband was likely going to sneak off after dinner to go get the baby from his sister's house and take her home and she flipped out at me. She said "um he's an usher, he HAS to be there for the ENTIRE day, that includes getting ready and taking pictures, that means he cannot drop the baby off at 5 then come straight to the wedding, no way, he has to be there from at least 3 to 11" and when I said that we weren't comfortable both being away from the baby that long and he would likely be leaving by 8:30 she freaked at me and hung up (presumably to call our mom)



*The only people that have ever been left alone with my baby are my husband and my mother. Both of whom would be at the wedding so they cannot watch her obviously. I do not feel comfortable with my mil watching her because she is a hoarder. Everyone else I know and trust will be at the wedding. I will not use a sitter service or random babysitter as she is too young to tell me what is going on when I leave



ETU 2:
She texted me after she hung up:

Sister: If you and (your husband) need to stay home the day of the wedding please let me know so I can make other arrangements for who is going to be in the wedding

Me: I would suggest finding another person to be your usher then. She is too little to be left alone that long with someone we do not trust so (my husband) will have to leave early to take care of her.



She hasn't responded yet but I am sure she is pissed.




Add: As a young child I was abused by a "trusted sitter." My parents had all her info, references, etc. and she still abused me. My 6 month old is not even old enough to tell me if something were to go wrong. It's just not happening.



ETU 3 : She never responded to my text but instead called my mom and freaked out at her then when mom didn't 100% take her side my sister went to mom's, picked up the wedding dress from her and told her not to worry about going to the dress fitting tomorrow because she didn't want her there. I didn't even know there was a dress fitting but that's besides the point. She is in full on bridezilla mode and even tried to get my dad in the middle of it so I have had both parents calling bitching me out for trying to ruin my sisters wedding. It's ridiculous. I haven't tried to say anything else to her because she just needs to calm the hell down. Seriously I think she cares more about the picture perfect image she presents than about the actual marriage itself.
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by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
April620
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:22 PM
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Mommy2b2many
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:27 PM
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What is the age limit? If it's over 18 only; it's probably because she doesn't feel the reception is going to be age appropriate. Why can't you hire another babysitter?

Your daughter is only 6m/o she isn't going to remember. I don't think that you should make a big deal about it. Don't bring up that DH won't be at the reception. It isn't a diss to you(or your DD); she just doesn't want a bunch of kids at her wedding; and honestly; having had a bunch of kids running amuck at my wedding and reception; I really don't blame her. 

Sorry your feelings are hurt though... But it is HER special day; she deserves to have her dream wedding. And not to have to worry about offending others.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:28 PM
31 moms liked this

It's not about you. It's not about her loving her niece or not so stop making it about that.

It's about her, her future husband, and how she envisions her one special day (apparently, child free). Suck it up, get a babysitter, or if your husband has to watch her a few hours apart won't do any lasting damage.


Bethsunshine
by Emerald Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:30 PM
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Quoting Anonymous:

It's not about you. It's not about her loving her niece or not so stop making it about that.

It's about her, her future husband, and how she envisions her one special day (apparently, child free). Suck it up, get a babysitter, or if your husband has to watch her a few hours apart won't do any lasting damage.


This. It's her wedding, not yours and she has the right to choose who is invited and who isn't.


Elle.tea.22
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:31 PM
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She does t want babies, any babies , at her wedding. Her wedding her rules.
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audreesmama
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:31 PM
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It's not your wedding, and you have no right to try to bring your child, or want to.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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This is her day not yours.  At the same time she needs to understand that you have a child so she has no right to be upset if you or hubby leaves early.  I think my husband would probably just back out of ushering and everything if we didn't have a sitter we were comfortable with and just stay home.

Birdseed
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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Surely you can find a sitter?  

At that age, how likely is it that DD will at some point, start crying?  Do you really want to have to leave else interrupt everything because of that?

I don't think that your sister is being unreasonable.  She wants you involved in her wedding. How can you do that if you're on mommy duty? 

I think were I in your shoes, I'd reframe this as a "child free night" for you and your DH.  Find a sitter and get out and have some fun.


bchic24
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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I was so happy I had a ton of children at our wedding! They made it entertaining lol! All 5 of my flower girls were suppose to go sit down after they walked te aisle but instead they ALL stayed on stage with us lol which made for a couple of pretty cute pics! And our one year old son left my parents and came to the stage and just stood at the bottom trying to chew on the edge of it while just watching! And at our reception the kids ALL hit the dance floor and got all the adults into it right away! Loved having them there, but everyone is different.

Maybe they plan on having alcohol and inappropriate music.
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LadyF86
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:33 PM
7 moms liked this

 Get. Over. It.

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