He knows I have "feelings" for him, brought up some life questions
I have been (off and on) "messing around" with a guy I have known since 14, for the last 3 years+
I am 21 now, will be 22 he is about to be 24
I really do care for him but I am unsure if it is romantic, like I'd want to be with him or if it's just that I care for my friend.
I know I am not in any position to commit to anyone, I want to do other things before I put myself back in the position of a relationship
My friend asked me some questions to help me evaluate these feelings like
Would you be upset if he stopped seeing you and wanted to be with someone else? I said I think I'd be a little thrown off but I would be happy for him, hold no hard feelings and back off.
The other question regarded me moving in December/January, I am going to move FOR SURE to San Francisco to finish my degrees because they have a great research team I could join and how do I think this will play out with that.
HERES WHERE I QUESTION MY LIFE POSITIONING
I guess I am seeing my overly ambitious goals also getting in the way. I go to SF for Spring next year, in summer I want to do a 5week study abroad, and after that I plan to get on a few research projects to build my professional resume. No man, even one I care for, fits into that.
Who wants to date a woman who has to travel for weeks at a time to do a research project, or leave the country to gain more knowledge in a specific outside field. Who, especially him, wants to try and keep track of me?
I have a hard enough time with my son planning these trips to other countries for school, and later it will be for business reasons (thats just part of the territory unless I want to work for the gov, which I don't) and going to other states staying in a hotel room with other students for weeks at a time just to crunch data and do work 24/7. I already willingly lose time with my child let alone trying to fit another person into my life.
Even this summer there is a "data summit" all paid, and a great experience, but I have to get to LA, by myself, share a hotel with another researcher and go to seminars about pharmaceuticals, insurance algorithms, environmental data, earth quake statistics, petroleum measures, just all this STUFF really and my brain can only take so much. I was drained last time I did this, it sounds like a sweet deal, but I guess I set myself up for my dreams and didn't think of a regular life outside of those dreams.
Even in a conference my mentor told my group....This is the best career to take, but you dedicate your entire life to it. Some of you want to get married and will want to have kids, you have to really take a step back and see if you can hold off such things because there is simply not enough time. And if you choose to hold off family affairs for this profession, just think, you can only be young once. A great time to do all of the sleepless nights, but everything else, sort of, gets neglected. Really think about your life, and if you can commit, welcome.
I already feel what she is saying. Do I let him go? He has already talked of a future with me, or hinted, and loves my son, but I know my next 5 years of life is going to involve trying to stretch time for my kid, can I really do this too? idk
touch on any subject you want, ask whatever, I am just really evaluating my life right now and need some help or questions to make me think