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question about talking bad about the other parent

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:18 PM
  • 7 Replies

in high school i had a friend who was adopted. it was a closed adoption but when she was 16 she wanted to meet her BM so her parents found out who she was and how to get ahold of her.

She met her mom and loved her instantly so she started asking the normal questions "how old were you?, who's my dad?, why did you give me up?"

her BM was 16 when she got pregnant, she knows who the father is but she hasn't seen him since she got pregnant, she gave her up because she was raped.

after meeting her BM she asked if there was anyway to get ahold of her BD even though he had raped her mother she still wanted to know who he was. She did meet her BD about a year later and he told her this "if your mother had kept you i would have tried for at least part custody" he served time in jail for the rape so he would have had to try for custody after getting out.

here's my question. if you had been raped and kept your child how would you explain them coming into the world? would it be possible for you to speak kindly about them? what if they tried to get custody of said child? I know you arent suppose to talk badly about the other parent in front of the kid but is it really possible in this situation?

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:18 PM
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Replies (1-7):
autodidact
by Snarknado on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:22 PM
1 mom liked this

rapists don't deserve custody, that's sick. 

and speaking badly of a rapist is perfectly reasonable. it's quite a bit different than bad mouthing a parent to whom a kid has bonded. 

honeyrder
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:23 PM

Who cares if you are "supposed to" or not? If the other parent doesn't want bad things spoken of them, the other parent won't do bad things. I'll be damned if I don't tell my kids the TRUTH about their father. I'm trying to raise them to be decent people. I won't have them think I approve of certain behaviors when they are obviously wrong.

FL2AK
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:27 PM
I do not understand why she wanted to meet a rapist.
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mommy_me
by ~The Three B's~ on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:29 PM
I don't understand how she could want to meat her bio moms rapist. I find that very strange
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waffa
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:30 PM

I can't even begin to answer a question that I have no experience with or ever even thought of other than if I got pg from a rape that baby would be aborted.

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:32 PM

I actually agree with this.  If the parent did something illegal or was just plain a bad person, telling the child about those things isn't bad talking, they're just getting the truth.  I think the hard part honestly is trying to remain neutral when discussing it.

Quoting honeyrder:

Who cares if you are "supposed to" or not? If the other parent doesn't want bad things spoken of them, the other parent won't do bad things. I'll be damned if I don't tell my kids the TRUTH about their father. I'm trying to raise them to be decent people. I won't have them think I approve of certain behaviors when they are obviously wrong.


elarsen4eva
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:34 PM

from what she told me her BM said they were friends and he got super drunk one night and it happened


Quoting FL2AK:

I do not understand why she wanted to meet a rapist.



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