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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

It's Been Twenty Years.. Wwyd?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
It has been 20 years since I last spoke to my father. He was put in prison when I was young for breaking and entering as well as aggravated rape.

I have both good and bad memories of my dad. I remember him beating my mom. He was very physically and mentally abusive to her and she reminded us everyday. I remember standing on his feet while we danced in the kitchen. I remember the visits we used to have at the prison and how loving he was toward me and my sibling.

I am in my mid twenties now. For the past year I hve held onto a letter I wrote to him. Everyday I wonder if I should send it or not. It is basically ten pages about me; who I was, who I have been, and who I am. My family would disapprove, my friends have mixed feelings, and I have questions about the other part of who I am.

I'm looking for advice here. Should I send it or just leave things where they are?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LiliM
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:20 AM
2 moms liked this
MPO is that we cannot change who our parents are although Lord knows some parents need to be shocked into change.

So you accept it. Your dad may or may not be a bad person. I don't know. He may have been a shit husband but not a shit father. I've seen that.

I think you do what YOU needed. Do you need to send it? Do you have realistic expectations of what happens if you do so you're not crushed by not getting what tout want or need?

He may not have been good to your mom which is terrible. But your relationship with him is not hers. You are not required to carry that unless you want to. Your relationship with him is yours and yours alone. Do what feels best y to you.

Good luck! I hope you update.
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sthflachk
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:21 AM
If you send it don't use your address.

If you are sending the letter for your benefit....I say do it. It might give you closure. Maybe just focus in you in the letter and not your family. They may not want him to know their details.

But what do you want in the end? Do you want him to write back? He might not. Do you want him to apologize? Again, he might not.

However...prison changes a man so he might do what you hope. Even though you know why he is there and how he treated your mom...there are always two sides to every story if not three...his...hers..and the truth.

Again...if it is to benefit you I day go for it. Just be careful and have low expectations of his reaction.

Good luck.
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SissyAnn141
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:25 AM

 

                YES ........

       Mail it, and see if, He mails you back .

   There are 3 sides to every story, HIS, HERS & The truth in the middle.

   Do not let this weigh on your heart. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

CLICKABLE TO GROUP




Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:25 AM

That's tough, if you don't send it you may always wonder. However, what if you do and he's not changed. Is he still in prison? Do you know anything about what he's been doing for 20 years? Why hasn't he contacted you? If you do send, are you ready for the outcome, which ever way it may go?

MissJessicaAnn
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:25 AM
Send... I think you'd regret it if you didn't. Just be cautious and realistic.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:29 AM

its the rape thing that gets me, if he is capable of rape.... I wouldn't be having anything to do with him in any way - I'd try find closure in another way like burning the letter or something and letting go of the father I wished I had.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:29 AM

Only you can answer this. If you are curious about your father, send the letter.  I wouldn't even bother letting my family know that I sent the letter.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:34 AM
Good luck
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:31 AM
This may sound odd but I have no expectations of a possible return letter. I'm sure he will try to talk to me about his "innocence". Although I don't believe it is, I do believe we all make mistakes and he did not have the most sound of mind back then.

If anything, I feel like sending this is a step into gaining insight on why I am the way I am.

Quoting LiliM:

MPO is that we cannot change who our parents are although Lord knows some parents need to be shocked into change.



So you accept it. Your dad may or may not be a bad person. I don't know. He may have been a shit husband but not a shit father. I've seen that.



I think you do what YOU needed. Do you need to send it? Do you have realistic expectations of what happens if you do so you're not crushed by not getting what tout want or need?



He may not have been good to your mom which is terrible. But your relationship with him is not hers. You are not required to carry that unless you want to. Your relationship with him is yours and yours alone. Do what feels best y to you.



Good luck! I hope you update.
ninjakids
by Christina on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:35 AM
Dont listen to other peoples opinions, do what feels right to you.


Try thinking ahead...
Will you regret listening to everyone else and NOT sending it?
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