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is this a reason to leave?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies
My husband and I separated for four months. In that time frame he met someone else. Now he has moved back bc he thought he wanted to work on things. He's been back a week and one day and misses this girl very much. He says he feels nothing when with me anymore. We did one session of marriage counseling and he went in there with the mindset of WHEN he ends things at least he can say he tried counseling. The next day he told me he didn't want to try anymore. We talked about it and I finally said ok fine. Then at 4am I decided that was bullshit and that he didn't even try at all this week to work on shit. He sat around missing this girl. I have told this girl to stay away from my husband and she continues to text him to "check on him" and its really starting to piss me off.

My husband is emotionally cut off from everyone and its a problem in our marriage. He didn't use to be that way when we were dating. I crave affection and attention and I know that isn't healthy and that it stems from my childhood and I should probably seek counseling for it. I told him yesterday whether he wants to admit it or not he too likes attention and affection and compliments and is proving this by liking this girl. She is clingy and totally into my husband. He finally text me this morning after he got to work and admitted that I was right that he liked her bc of the attention and affection she gave him but that he didn't like admitting it bc its not manly. Before anyone says anything, yes I gave my husband attention and affection for the last 9 yrs until this past yr. I wasnt getting anything in return and just couldn't do it anymore. I was being ignored and it hurt. So after he admitted this to me I asked "well is this the only reason you like her? And he said "no. We get along well. Not that you and I don't but we seem to have the same interests." Idk what he means by that bc we too have ablot of the same interests as well as alot of different interests.

So my question..is having the same interests with someone else grounds for leaving the marriage you're in?
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Idk--I wouldn't be fighting another girl for the rights to my own husband so really I would say that's a moot point, and it sounds like a cop out.
almondpigeon
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM
2 moms liked this

it sounds like your husband has already checked out of the marriage.  i'm so sorry -- but making him stay is only delaying the inevitable.  i think it's time to admit that your marriage is over. 

with that being said....early in our marriage, we hit a rocky patch and separated for 18 months. during that time, we both dated other people and both of us were convinced our marriage had failed.  we ended up getting back together and the marriage has been wonderful for the past 10 years.  a separation doesn't always have to be permanent.  good luck, mama

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I get that you want to work on things but your husband does not. Let him have her, it's not going to work but that's not your problem. Your problem is that you're allowing your spouse to cheat and mistreat you in your own home. His "I miss her" bullshit would get him a one way ticket out of my house. A separation is supposed to be time apart where a husband and wife work on fixing the marriage. He cheated instead and still wants her, you telling her to stay away means nothing. HE wants her. He's infatuated, let him go and you find someone who can remain faithful and committed to you. He will be alone, that woman and him won't last.

aidyns_mommy
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:54 AM
I'd leave him. Sounds like an ass.
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clearlyme
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:56 AM
I totally respect that you are trying to honor your marriage and vows and stick it out and trudge through this. However, it sounds like your husband has already given up and it truly breaks my heart for you. I hope things work out for you.
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CutieCrab
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:58 AM

 No its not. You shouldn't have gotten married if you thought yu didn't share interests. But it sounds like he just doesn't want to be married any more, and he really likes this girl. If he doesn't wanna try, don't make him try. YOu can't force him to do something he doesn't wanna do...

proudmommy690
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like hes made his choice. I wouldnt be with him any more.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM
If he is unahppy in his marriage it's not really a question of if his reasons are good enough. I'd tell him you gave him a chance to work it out together, and that if he thinks he is better off with her so be it. I wouldn't want to stay with someone who wanted to be with another woman anyway. Good luck with everything, sorry it worked out the way it did.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM

Seems like having different interests is just one of y'all's problems! If he can't make a definite effort to repair y'all's relationship then it's time to call it quits!

mamer12812
by Bronze Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:02 AM

you dont need him you need to move on i know its hard but theres alot of fish in the sea and the sooner you leave things alone and move on the better it seems like he has so do the same you dont want him no matter how much you feel for him it will take time but it just seems like its not working out so not worth fighting for him maybe if you do move on and stop fighting for him he will see what he lost and come back just let him go give it time and see what happens.

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