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My ex expects me to move with him just because he is in the military

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies

My divorce was final 3 months ago, me and my ex have a 1 year old DD and a 3 year old son together. He just got his orders and will be moving across the country. I have primary custody of the kids with him having daytime visits (currently he lives in the barracks so he can't have them over night). But he does spend quite a lot of time with them, he probably sees them 2-3 times a week.

He told me that he feels that I should move me and the kids with him when he moves because I knew when I married him that he was in the military and we would have to move around a lot. This is true but at that time, we were married so the plan was for us to be together as a family, not me moving around every few years with only my kids, no husband as a support system. My plan is actually to move back to my home town, which is 4 hours away from where we live  (we are in GA now, I will be moving to FL and he is going to CA.) Yes it is a bit further but with that much distance, he would have to fly anyway so it really doesn't make that much of a difference.

I understands he wants to be close to the kids but this is part of military when you don't have full custody of your kids. I want to be able to move on with my life and I can't do that following him around the country.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:37 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:37 AM

BUMP!

evolove
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:37 AM
You're divorced so you can do whatever you want. I am in the Army and I don't expect my ex to follow me at all. I agree it would be beneficial for the children but I don't feel it HAS to happen. If our divorce says nothing about how far you have to be (geo location something or other) then it doesn't matter. My divorce says I am not restricted to where I have to live, city or state so that's how it's going to stay.
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skittlebeans88
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:38 AM
Bump
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BeAmour
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:38 AM

 How is the custody agreement stated in your decree? You may need to make an adjustment.

CatFishMom
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:42 AM

I wouldnt. Like you said, it's expected and understood when youre a family, married etc., but divorcing means youre under no obligations to pick up and move because he got relocated. Moving from GA to FL makes NO difference when hes being sent to CA. The extra handful of miles doesnt even matter for that kind of distance. It sucks, royally, that he won't be able to see them and I do give him points for wanting to continue a relationship with his children, but to expect you to pick up your entire life and move when you are no longer together is absurd.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:45 AM

 He is out of his mind. He cannot make you follow him around the country his whole military career. Move to FL and be happy.

mommy_me
by Emerald Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:48 AM
Idk i would put pride aside and do what's best for the kids one way or another
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:49 AM

It says that I need permission from my ex or the judge to move out of state UNLESS  he moves out of state first. Once he moves out of state, I can as well providing that the distance I move doesn't exceed the distance he moves (like if he moved only 100 miles away, I could not move more then 100 miles away) but since he is moving clear across the country, I very well can move one state over.



Quoting BeAmour:

 How is the custody agreement stated in your decree? You may need to make an adjustment.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Who is to say what is best for them. Is is best to move across the country when their dad could end up getting deployed and then continue to move around their whole childhood or is it better to be about 4 hours further (which doesn't matter anyway because either way, if he visited, he would have to fly) and stay in one place, have their mother's whole family around them as a support system? It's not about pride though, it's about me needing my own life, I can't spend the next 17 years following my ex around



Quoting mommy_me:

Idk i would put pride aside and do what's best for the kids one way or another



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