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Is it really important?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:41 PM
  • 31 Replies

My son is 9 years old. Me and fiancé got together when he was 2. His sperm doner has never been there for him. Well this past week my soon to be sister in law came over (he and his family are from California) I'm in Georgia. She comes down once a year. Well one night we were talking until 1 am and sha asked me, so when are you and Matt getting married. We're in no big hurry to get married, were saving for a wedding but don't have a date set. I said "oh we will get married one day". She paused and asked "are you going to have Jc's name changed to Chapman (made up name) when you do?" . I had already talked to my son about this and he said that he wanted to keep his last name because he likes it, and he doesn't care if he is a Chapman like the rest of us (we have 2 other children). I mean, the boy has had my last name for his whole life so I pretty much leave it up to him. It is HIS name after all. He thinks of Matt as his daddy and loves him. Matt is all he has ever known, but wants to keep my family name. Which I'm all for because my son is the last boy in out whole family WITH the West (also made up name) name. So, if he keeps it and has a boy, my family name can carry on. But if he wanted to change it, I'm cool with that too.

his sister got offended. She said that it was very important for all of us to have the same last name.

why? It hasn't been important for the last 7 years, why is it so important now?

i didn't say anything, I just shook my head and went to bed. It really annoyed me.


Please don't put hateful comments here, because you think I should be married by now. We will eventually get married, when we can have the wedding we want to have.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
raye-chan
by Raye on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:43 PM

If your son wants your last name and he's old enough to understand that, then I'd let him make the choice. You guys are doing just fine with his name like it is now. Maybe eventually your little guy will want the same, who knows. Try to not let her get to you hon. <3

lucydiamond
by LD on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:43 PM

None of her business and I don't see why she cares. It's up to the kiddo.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:45 PM

It's not her choice, not her life, not her child. Let your son do what he wants.

NiCo86
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:45 PM

 in the end, i believe it should be your kids choice. if that's what he chooses, I would respect that.

Superlaura328
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it is important. As long as he feels as if he is a part of the family (which I am sure he does!), it shouldn't matter. Just like when a woman doesn't take a man's last name when they get married. Doesn't mean she doesn't love him.

I think you're right on this one.

jojo_star
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this

Leave it up to him. DH and I asked my son, who had my last name, if he wanted his name changed when Dh and I married. My son was 5 at the time, and he said yes right away, he wanted DH's last name. 

soy_latte
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:47 PM
My kids would probably never want to, but if they did, they could choose when they were 13+ if they wanted my last name or their dad's.
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ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:48 PM

 i think he should make his own decision as long as you are fine with that and it sounds like you are. I would just ignore the conversation if it were to come up again. It's not up to her and she can get over it.

CuriousArentYa
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:49 PM

I think you are making the right decision. If your son is happy with the name he has and he feels like he is apart of the family (which he is) then why fix what isn't broken?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:49 PM

She can have her opinion, but the ultimate decision is that of you, your son, and your husband.  

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