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You expect a 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral?

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My fiance died unexpectedly several months ago.  He had a back injury and had to have surgery. 9 hours after the surgery ( while still in the hospital) he had a heart attack and died. We have a 4 yr. old child together. Obviously we are devastated and it has been a real struggle in every way. His wish was to be cremated, we had talked about this several times in the past. When he died and arrangements were being discussed his grandmother called me a liar when I expressed his desire of cremation. She said it was not going to happen and he would have never wanted that. I told her I didn't have the money for a burial and this was what he wanted. She said she would pay for it herself before that happened, she's not rich per say but she's well off.  A few hours later she called me and said she made an appt at the funeral home. She made all the arrangements. I asked to be included and was allowed to be there but I had no say so in any of it. Now she's complaining about the money she spent. She's asked me for money a coupe of times. Her daughter has called and asked me for money. Most recently her granddaughter asked me for money. I have 3 children that I am solely responsible for. I don't make alot of money and like most people, I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance etc etc...Our daughter received a small settlement because his injury was work related and they all feel like I need to give that to the grandmother.  He doesn't even have a grave marker (headstone) and I am trying to get one b/c it bothers me that his grave is unmarked. That is a couple of thousand dollars that I will pay on my own. The aunt said that should not be my priority, my priority should be paying her mom back. Essentially they are asking my 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral and I dont think thats right. I want our daughter to have a relationship with his family so I am trying really hard to be nice but they are stressing me out!! Do you think they are right?? And thank you for listening, I have no one to talk to about this.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (101-108):
Toonkasmommy
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Grandma should not have been a stubborn bitch. That's your baby's money.
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NotAMuggle
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:24 PM



Quoting Anonymous:

You do not owe the grandmother anything.  If she wouldn't let you make any choices, you don't have any payments to make.  



OneToughMami
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:25 PM

Wow...so they didn't let you have a say in any of it...now they want to take your daughter's money? Gross

AmaliaD
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:25 PM

thats terrible.   next time stick to your guns.    dont allow anyone to take control and if someone wants to pay for something for it to be changed - tell them you need it in writing.   whatever happened to the gma being well off.     

PinkButterfly66
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:27 PM

Ignore ALL of them and don't back down.  Your child was the beneficary to the insurance money, not them. Put that money in a college fund.  Tell them that they went against his wishes for burial and agreed to foot the bill and that now they just must deal with the consequences of their actions and to leave you alone.

NotAMuggle
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this

the momey is for the OP's DAUGHTER, you ignorant, illiterate fool. The OP has no desire to spend her daughter's money.

the GRANDMA went against the dead person's wishes when the OP was willing to pay for the cremation. now the grandma expects the OP's DD's money to pay for something SHE chose.

if you need it broken down any simpler than that, then I don't know what to tell you. Her DD's monmey should not be touched.


Quoting Anonymous:

More than likely the settlement was for the estate not his DD specifically....were I the Grandmother and really needed the money I would sue the estate...although that would never happen in our family because family means more to us than money so like I said there would never be a question as to who would pay for the funeral op sounds selfish and money hungry.

Quoting nickysdestiny:





Quoting Anonymous:

A headstone only costs a few hundred dollars and yes since the settlement was essentially your DF's I think you should have paid for the funeral...yeah I know not popular opnion. But your DD can get survivors benefits....I could not imagine saying no I won't pay for my DH's funeral....there wouldn't even be a question as to who would pay especially if I received a settlement for his death.

the settlement went to HIS DAUGHTER not her it was a death benefit and he didnt want a funeral he wanted to be cremated.  why on earth shoud the child pay for something her daddy didnt even want?!?!?! her grandma and great grandma pushed what they wanted let them pay for it





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:28 PM
She made her choice. They just sound greedy
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Even if he had life insuranceif the OP or child is the beneficiary it should not go to expenses the OP didn't agree to.

Quoting buttercup627:

He didn't have any life insurance to help cover costs? The settlement is for your daughter, not the funeral costs; that expense is for the family to hatch out. Since you weren't married yet that falls on them.

Don't let them pressure you into it those were expenses they created and agreed to not you or your kid. For Christ sakes she's four and already lost enough


 

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