Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

You expect a 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral?

Posted by   + Show Post

My fiance died unexpectedly several months ago.  He had a back injury and had to have surgery. 9 hours after the surgery ( while still in the hospital) he had a heart attack and died. We have a 4 yr. old child together. Obviously we are devastated and it has been a real struggle in every way. His wish was to be cremated, we had talked about this several times in the past. When he died and arrangements were being discussed his grandmother called me a liar when I expressed his desire of cremation. She said it was not going to happen and he would have never wanted that. I told her I didn't have the money for a burial and this was what he wanted. She said she would pay for it herself before that happened, she's not rich per say but she's well off.  A few hours later she called me and said she made an appt at the funeral home. She made all the arrangements. I asked to be included and was allowed to be there but I had no say so in any of it. Now she's complaining about the money she spent. She's asked me for money a coupe of times. Her daughter has called and asked me for money. Most recently her granddaughter asked me for money. I have 3 children that I am solely responsible for. I don't make alot of money and like most people, I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance etc etc...Our daughter received a small settlement because his injury was work related and they all feel like I need to give that to the grandmother.  He doesn't even have a grave marker (headstone) and I am trying to get one b/c it bothers me that his grave is unmarked. That is a couple of thousand dollars that I will pay on my own. The aunt said that should not be my priority, my priority should be paying her mom back. Essentially they are asking my 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral and I dont think thats right. I want our daughter to have a relationship with his family so I am trying really hard to be nice but they are stressing me out!! Do you think they are right?? And thank you for listening, I have no one to talk to about this.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:09 PM

You are right.  

Isn't it sad how a family can become divided by money after a death?  I'm very sorry for your loss.  

by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

No, they made all of the decisions without your input, and when they did that they took on the financial burden as well.  I'm sorry for your loss.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM

and by the way, I am terribly sorry for you loss 

Quoting angie_de_3:

ok heres the should not have to take it out of your daughter's money because she offered to pay for something that you were against from the begining becuase it was not your husbands wishes buuuuut....had you made the decision to have a funeral, that money would go towards the funeral. My moither passed away when I was 17. I got a nice amount from her LI, it was my responsibity to pay for the funeral because it is part of the estate. 

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Since grandma wouldn't hear of her grandson getting cremated and made all of the arrangements WITHOUT you, I wouldn't give her a dime. I would pay for the headstone, and call it even. Under no circumstance would I touch my daughter's money from that settlement, let alone give it to someone else. 

by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:10 PM

I would not let my child have a relationship with those people if they were acting that way. That's just deplorable. They CHOSE to have the funeral, they CHOSE to pay for it. It's their responsibility and I wouldn't want them going directly to your DD when she's older and trying to solicit money from her.

by ~The Three B's~ on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:11 PM
the family is the most disgusting people I've ever heard of my life.
I am so sorry you are going through that.
please from the bottom of my heart for the sake of your daughter do not give those money hungry bastards a penny
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:11 PM

I'm sorry for your loss,  I would cut all ties with those people also.  On another note you should call and talk to Social Security.  You should be able to get survivor benefits for your 4 year old so you should check it out! 

by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:11 PM
1 mom liked this
He didn't have any life insurance to help cover costs? The settlement is for your daughter, not the funeral costs; that expense is for the family to hatch out. Since you weren't married yet that falls on them.

Don't let them pressure you into it those were expenses they created and agreed to not you or your kid. For Christ sakes she's four and already lost enough
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
♥Breaking Benjamin♥
Yesterday at 4:10 PM
by Mrs. Annie Proffitt on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this
They shut you out of everything and now they want you kid's money? Eff that! Tell them to shove it.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:13 PM
Nope. But I would have cremated him. I'd ignore them it sounds like misplaced anger.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN