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You expect a 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral?

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My fiance died unexpectedly several months ago.  He had a back injury and had to have surgery. 9 hours after the surgery ( while still in the hospital) he had a heart attack and died. We have a 4 yr. old child together. Obviously we are devastated and it has been a real struggle in every way. His wish was to be cremated, we had talked about this several times in the past. When he died and arrangements were being discussed his grandmother called me a liar when I expressed his desire of cremation. She said it was not going to happen and he would have never wanted that. I told her I didn't have the money for a burial and this was what he wanted. She said she would pay for it herself before that happened, she's not rich per say but she's well off.  A few hours later she called me and said she made an appt at the funeral home. She made all the arrangements. I asked to be included and was allowed to be there but I had no say so in any of it. Now she's complaining about the money she spent. She's asked me for money a coupe of times. Her daughter has called and asked me for money. Most recently her granddaughter asked me for money. I have 3 children that I am solely responsible for. I don't make alot of money and like most people, I have a mortgage, car payment, utilities, insurance etc etc...Our daughter received a small settlement because his injury was work related and they all feel like I need to give that to the grandmother.  He doesn't even have a grave marker (headstone) and I am trying to get one b/c it bothers me that his grave is unmarked. That is a couple of thousand dollars that I will pay on my own. The aunt said that should not be my priority, my priority should be paying her mom back. Essentially they are asking my 4 yr old to pay for her dad's funeral and I dont think thats right. I want our daughter to have a relationship with his family so I am trying really hard to be nice but they are stressing me out!! Do you think they are right?? And thank you for listening, I have no one to talk to about this.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:54 PM
Replies (41-50):
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM
2 moms liked this

Funerals bring out the worst in people.   first off  she having buyer remorse Tell her she got  her way now she can pay for it  tell her to PISS OFF! They our trying to treat your Daughter like open bank account.

She got her way now she is not happy about it.    Save the money for your  daughter  tell  his family to piss off.

 Do not give in to them.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

they went against his wishes, ignored your requests, and posted for something neither you our your df wanted and now expect you to pay them for it out of money that should be for your child's future? no way in hell!!!! no no no no no! 

they are wrong, end of story!

by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this
They're asshats
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by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

ooooo boy I wish you had been married.. then YOU would have had the final say...................

BUT do NOT let them guilt you into this... HE did say to you he wanted cremation.   STICK to your guns...

You tell them, NO this is YOUR decision, not HIS not mine- then YOU are responsible for what YOU decide.

You stand your ground.  Gosh I hate people who use guilt trips on you.

by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

If they wanted money they should have respected your wishes.

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:22 PM

Thats what I said, I said IF she made the funeral arrangements herself then she would have to pay out of the estate. 

Quoting Anonymous:

They was only engaged, so she should not have to pay a dime. Specially since she got no say in his funeral that he NEVER wanted to begin with.

Quoting angie_de_3:

ok heres the should not have to take it out of your daughter's money because she offered to pay for something that you were against from the begining becuase it was not your husbands wishes buuuuut....had you made the decision to have a funeral, that money would go towards the funeral. My moither passed away when I was 17. I got a nice amount from her LI, it was my responsibity to pay for the funeral because it is part of the estate. 

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I would say, wait till the daughter is an adult and then if she feels the obligation to pay back family members for her fathers funeral she can make that choice on her own. At 4 there is no way she can make that choice. The money should be spent to raise the child which should be the highest priority. 

by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:23 PM
I am so sorry for your loss. They are not entitled to your money, and especially not your daughter's. That is horrible how they treated you. They disregarded his wishes, and now they are paying for it, literally.
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by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:24 PM

The money should not be touched but be prepared for them to sue you for it because they are being assholes :(

by Anonymous 9 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:25 PM

I wouldn't pay them. If they wanted you to pay they should have respected his wishes and had him cremated. Don't let them guilt you into this out that money away for her college. They have no business asking for money. They said they'd pay and they did. Tough shit. I'm sorry for your loss:(

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