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I need advice....please help

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies
I feel like a failure. My oldest doesn't listen to me. I have tried everything. She just laughs at me. She runs away from me in public places. I've tried spanking, time outs, losing toys. I'm at wits end.

Her 2 year old brother is starting the same thing. I don't know what to do anymore. I wanna give up. She doesn't even listen to her father. I need help. She always yells at me.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:08 PM

How old is your oldest?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:08 PM
4


Quoting Birdseed:

How old is your oldest?


Destiny907
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:17 PM

Just grab her little wrist and hang on- look into her eye and tell her YOU STOP THIS NOW.  They squirm, they "scream bloody murder" and act like you hurt them! This is ON  PURPOSE to manipulate you into feeling guilty. and to stop hanging onto them.

It is embarrassing for them to do this in public and they KNOW IT.   They might not be adults but kids ARE canny in their own way!!!!!!

You have to keep at it, you have to be sure they know you are serious.   You also have to really let them know you love them or no discipline will work at all.   NO name calling- NO saying "oh Im SO SICK OF YOU" or that sort of stuff....

Plus, NEVER just yell across a room.... they only just keep going. You have to do the get up and go over to them and do that hold onto them and look them in the eye.  When their fit is over- then you hug them and say okay now that is better.. love you, dear....

Just Hold their wrist- make them look at you and say firmly- I SAID STOP THAT. You will now STAY right here, kiddo.... oh man ya- the first time you do this in public, she is gonna act like she is being murdered and you will have to leave the store and go talk to her in the car.   Go home if you have to. 

Don't raise your voice, don't make threats, just leave the store.   You tell them well, next time you are not going with me.  Then you do what you said.

PRAISE anything good they do.  Give them attention when they are good.  Without that knowing they are deeply loved, the disciplining won't work at all.

Good luck. kids are hard.  Use a tether on the little one if you have to, to avoid a frantic scare of him disappearing in a store!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:18 PM

Take everything she has, except her bed. Make her earn it back and reward her when she behaves. My dd was the same way when she was little. I use to go to the dollar store and buy a few little toys. I never told her I had them, but when she did behave I rewarded her. Not bribing, there is a huge difference.

mama2alex2008
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM
read any dr. Kevin leman book u can find...a miracle difference in my then-4 year old son!
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Birdseed
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM

I would suggest a parenting class or if you can't do that, a therapist who specializes in family, and if you can't do that, I'd start looking at parenting books.

There is no good reason that you should be out of control with a 2 and 4 YO.  

What would I do if I was babysitting your kids?

1) If they misbehave in public I would remove them immediately, they'd go home and they'd get a time out.  I don't care if I have to leave a full shopping cart at the grocery store.  Start misbehaving?  Done.  And no attention, just quiet time.

2) I would review the expectations in the car or at home BEFORE we go somewhere AND let them know what the reprecussions will be if they can't follow the rules.  Main reprecussion for me would be that they go straight home and get a time out.

3) Not listening to the parents?  They must be getting something out of it.  Do you ask a million times?  If so, that's interaction.  Withdraw the interaction. If they don't do as they're supposed to, time out.  No stimuli.  They get to be ALONE with no ATTENTION.

These kids are so young...please get them under control now or you'll REALLY be in trouble later.

Best wishes.

bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

this.

destiny907 you saved me from 5 min of typing :)

Quoting Destiny907:

Just grab her little wrist and hang on- look into her eye and tell her YOU STOP THIS NOW.  They squirm, they "scream bloody murder" and act like you hurt them! This is ON  PURPOSE to manipulate you into feeling guilty. and to stop hanging onto them.

It is embarrassing for them to do this in public and they KNOW IT.   They might not be adults but kids ARE canny in their own way!!!!!!

You have to keep at it, you have to be sure they know you are serious.   You also have to really let them know you love them or no discipline will work at all.   NO name calling- NO saying "oh Im SO SICK OF YOU" or that sort of stuff....

Plus, NEVER just yell across a room.... they only just keep going. You have to do the get up and go over to them and do that hold onto them and look them in the eye.  When their fit is over- then you hug them and say okay now that is better.. love you, dear....

Just Hold their wrist- make them look at you and say firmly- I SAID STOP THAT. You will now STAY right here, kiddo.... oh man ya- the first time you do this in public, she is gonna act like she is being murdered and you will have to leave the store and go talk to her in the car.   Go home if you have to. 

Don't raise your voice, don't make threats, just leave the store.   You tell them well, next time you are not going with me.  Then you do what you said.

PRAISE anything good they do.  Give them attention when they are good.  Without that knowing they are deeply loved, the disciplining won't work at all.

Good luck. kids are hard.  Use a tether on the little one if you have to, to avoid a frantic scare of him disappearing in a store!

 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM
I look at her and I feel so disappointed in myself. We had her potty trained and now she is having 4 + accidents a day and I don't understand why. Some told me die could have autism or ADHD


Quoting Destiny907:

Just grab her little wrist and hang on- look into her eye and tell her YOU STOP THIS NOW.  They squirm, they "scream bloody murder" and act like you hurt them! This is ON  PURPOSE to manipulate you into feeling guilty. and to stop hanging onto them.

It is embarrassing for them to do this in public and they KNOW IT.   They might not be adults but kids ARE canny in their own way!!!!!!

You have to keep at it, you have to be sure they know you are serious.   You also have to really let them know you love them or no discipline will work at all.   NO name calling- NO saying "oh Im SO SICK OF YOU" or that sort of stuff....

Plus, NEVER just yell across a room.... they only just keep going. You have to do the get up and go over to them and do that hold onto them and look them in the eye.  When their fit is over- then you hug them and say okay now that is better.. love you, dear....

Just Hold their wrist- make them look at you and say firmly- I SAID STOP THAT. You will now STAY right here, kiddo.... oh man ya- the first time you do this in public, she is gonna act like she is being murdered and you will have to leave the store and go talk to her in the car.   Go home if you have to. 

Don't raise your voice, don't make threats, just leave the store.   You tell them well, next time you are not going with me.  Then you do what you said.

PRAISE anything good they do.  Give them attention when they are good.  Without that knowing they are deeply loved, the disciplining won't work at all.

Good luck. kids are hard.  Use a tether on the little one if you have to, to avoid a frantic scare of him disappearing in a store!



mamacough
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

 Start getting down to eye level with her, and tell her exactly what she needs to do. use a soft almost wisper voice but be stern. once she does what you say thank her for listning to you. It's positive parenting. do it over and over even with your 2 year old. if she does not listen do it again. You need to take control of the situation now.

Aprilaaw85
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 1:21 PM

A.d.o.p.t.i.o.n, lol. They will grow out of it. Stand your ground and get dad involved frequently. Sometimes I look at dh and say... We should have dropped them off at the fire station. We could been Scott free! Lol

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