I'm just gong to take a minute or two to whine for a little while. I'm going anon because I'm not popular but I'm known, sorta. I'd just rather not. If you know who I am, please keep it on the DL, if you don't mind. This is far out from my "character" so whatever. Here goes nothing:
I'm the type who has always hid how I feel and still do but it doesn't negate how I feel. I try my best to be a good person, to be a person anyone can turn to. I enjoy making people happy and laugh. The problem? I'm really sick of being taken advantage of or used and played. I've been used and played twice and once very recently, which is where I think this is all stemming from. I'm so sick of being the second option and back up plan. First time, I gave an open mind and an open heart even after going through something bad and have an extremely difficult time trusting anyone or letting my guard down. Turns out, I'm easily dropped even when I need them the most, only for emotional support at that. I dished out over $300, devoted endless amount of time helping get their state paperwork correct so they wouldn't fail a class. I stayed up for 30 hours straight to help study with them before tests. Watched their dog, helped them emotionally....and physically. When I was going through some things back in February....I hadn't heard from them in a week or so. I asked for a little help emotionally, someone to talk to........dropped. Funny thing, when they needed something, guess who was the first one to be called? Yeah. I believe in second chances...whatever. I don't have any friends, LITERALLY so I figured, whatever. Things were back to normal for 2 weeks and BAM....been dropped AGAIN! I'm sure when they need a fill in, I'll be the first they call. :/
Second time was recent. I don't even know what I did wrong. I enjoyed having someone to text. All of a sudden.......dropped. I hadn't even spent any fun time with this person and thought of him like a little brother type of deal. Guess what happened a little while ago? I got a text asking me how to register for something really important and how to go through it step-by-step. Are you kidding me? YOU TOO? I explain it because it really is extremely important but very short and to the point. I had nothing more to say. I think I'm at that point where I'm just done getting hurt. If you want to hurt me once, fuck you....I have nothing more to say.
I have so much worth than this, why can't anyone see that? I don't expect anything from anyone....maybe that's my problem. I don't allow myself to be a doormat because I don't realize I'm getting played. I'm too nice of a person but I'm there. I've reached my breaking point. I'm not the most easiest person in the world to be friends with, I'll admit that. I'm a very blunt and straight forward person and can go 0-100 in .2 seconds but it doesn't take away the fact that I have a genuine heart.
I'm just so done with this shit. I find two people who I really felt were my friend, wanted something to do with me, who knew my caution about letting people in my life and I STILL get fucked over. I literally do NOT have one single friend. Not one. My phone hasn't gotten a text in over 3 weeks. I have a glorified iPod...that's what my phone is. It's getting to the point where I'm extremely lonely and becoming really depressed. Ya, know...........I just fucking give up.