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So upset I feel nauseous. I'm incredibly sad. wow. **EDIT** IMPORTANT EDIT IN RED!

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:17 PM
  • 124 Replies

Today, idk if my MIL is just in a bad mood and mad at everyone, or if she truly feels this was a justified thing to say to me, or what.
I'll start from the beginning.

This morning My daughter was just....BLAH. burned up for a little while and laid around, refused to eat and told me she felt "nasty". I assume most moms on here know how toddlers can get when they don't feel good- sometimes even the smallest thing can make them cry and overreact. It happens. I forget exactly what it was, but Lucy started crying hysterically and reached out for me, saying "MAMA!!! Mama!!!"
Right behind me I hear MIL say "Of COURSE. Scream for MAMA." (she said "mama" so sarcastically and sounded disgusted.) I shrugged it off and picked her up, laid her on the couch to relax.

A little while ago Lucy started crying and yelling over seemingly nothing and I tried calming her down. (Forgive me for trying to calm her down as a first option and going from there.)
MIL pops up out of nowhere and snaps at me, "DID SHE HAVE A NAP TODAY?"
I said no. As a lot of toddlers do, my daughter is growing out of taking naps. more often than not she stays awake all day, no naps at all. so MIL goes "YOU NEED TO MAKE HER LIE DOWN. Force her to sleep."
...??.....force her?! I was completely calm and said "Nobody can force anyone else to go to sleep. She just will not do it. Even if I make her lie down, she stays awake."
MIL said that's not good enough. I suppose I ought to give her a dose of nyquil in the afternoon to force her to sleep, then. for fuck's sake.

MIL snapped at me. "I raised FIVE children. You need to listen to everything I say when it comes to kids, because I know what to do."
Then she said something that offended me to the core. "I already raised 5 kids, apparently I need to raise one more."

Fuck. You.

Again I was calm but said "NOBODY raises MY child but me and hubby."
Then she just started throwing random nonsense my way. "Yeah??? well.....YOU LIVE HERE. SO THERE." You think I am not painfully aware of this? what does that even have to do with this?? NOBODY raises my child but me. and for her to pretty much threaten to take over the role of mommy to MY child? Ugh.
then she said "I wasn't aware you were doing laundry today. I WANTED to do some of MINE." she always gives me a heads up if she plans on doing laundry, even has told me if she doesn't tell me she plans on washing clothes, the washer and dryer are up for grabs for us.
Guess next time Lucy has an accident and soaks through her clothes, I should let it fester in the hallway hamper instead of washing it right away. *sigh*.

 She kept saying random, angry things at me because it was like she had nothing to say, and tried thinking of ways to "burn" me. 
Then she stomped away and keeps sighing all dramatically when I walk near her. she immediately went to her husband and started spouting off on him (I just heard the tone of her voice, didn't care to hear what she was telling him.)

I honestly cannot even look at her. I'm so incredibly depressed at the moment. I went in the bedroom and had a good cry for about 5 minutes. Now I'm just numb. Such disrespect. and now I am learning that my FIL tells MIL not to give me info to tell my husband, since apparently I forget everything and am not capable. I am also being told both in laws believe I let Lucy rule my life, am a push over and do jack shit to discipline her. not true. so...they think  I am too stupid to pass along even simple information, and I am not capable of parenting, apparently. Awesome.

I am waiting for an apology, but at the same time I am not holding my breath. From MIL's reaction it was expected I was not to say anything back and stand my ground, and now I'm being punished for it. I feel like a nothing. I physically hurt. 

ETA:::
I find it insulting she has no issues telling me I am a doormat when it comes to my child, but she will NEVER tell that to her own daughters, who let all their kids walk all over them like it is nothing. Seriously. One of my nephews pushed and bruised my SIL when she was pregnant, but MIL saved this lecture for ME? Wow. Guess her bio kids are immune. 


LAST UPDATE-
Last night I went to have a talk with DH about how I felt, and it turned into an argument. (Our daughter was not in the room with us.) FIL wandered over to our side of the house and heard us arguing, went and told mom. DH said since there are intense feelings on both sides, a mediator is needed. I knew he was going back and forth from me to MIL, and I was fine with it. After a long while he was understanding what I was saying.
He came to me and said "Mom has an idea that she said something wrong now, and she feels terrible. Talk to her when you're ready, babe."

I went over after I explained my anger to DH, and told her the exact same thing. I have no issues with her giving me advice, I will always take it. It's HOW she gave the advice. Angry tone, sounding disgusted and accusing me of not knowing how to be a mother. She broke down and agreed, said she has no right to say it that way. Honestly, I felt betrayed by the only mom I'd ever known and it tore me apart. She had no idea it would affect me so badly.

She apologized for every specific thing I told her bothered me (and a few I didn't tell her about), and was terribly sorry. She said she heard why we were arguing and felt awful.
She admitted that yes, I discipline my daughter when need be. She sees it all the time and said that stuff out of anger. I am a lot better than I was. I said honestly, I'm not a perfect mom. Far from it. But I discipline her and take care of her. I admit, *sometimes* I go out of my way to reassure my child, and that will never stop. I do it because I never, ever want her to feel like I don't love her. That is my biggest fear in life. But I don't coddle her after she gets herself in trouble. Never.

MIL asked more about it and basically I told her I want to be the opposite of my own mom and show my daughter I actually love her and am always there for her, something I never had. MIL started tearing up, she had no clue.

She said I had guts for standing up for myself, and she admired that. She admitted I was not rude to her before and was upset over how she talked back to me. She also said she knows I make my child lie down for a nap and she chooses not sleep. she said that was a petty thing to bring up on her part.

we made up and are back to giggling together again. hubby also apologized for what he needed to. very happy here. 

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:17 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ACDC_fan
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:22 PM
1 mom liked this

also, since there was such a shit storm, I just had Lucy lie down and for once she is napping- at 8 fuckin 30 at night. I don't want to hear it later when she is awake at 1 AM. I'm not the one who demanded she lie down for a nap when it's just nearly her bedtime. Not my problem when she wakes up. 

lovinglife0682
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:25 PM
4 moms liked this
At 8:30 isn't that bedtime? Do you live with your in laws?


Quoting ACDC_fan:

also, since there was such a shit storm, I just had Lucy lie down and for once she is napping- at 8 fuckin 30 at night. I don't want to hear it later when she is awake at 1 AM. I'm not the one who demanded she lie down for a nap when it's just nearly her bedtime. Not my problem when she wakes up. 


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AnastasiaKorsh
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:27 PM
why are you living with your mil? what does your hubby say?
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ACDC_fan
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:28 PM

yes it is, I was literally JUST about to get her in pajamas and ready for bed. I aim for 8:30 or 9.
thing is my hubby went in the room with her cause he's exhausted and he wants to nap. whatever, he's an adult and stays up anyway. so when he wakes up and makes all that noise, she is going to wake up ad stay up.

 yes at the moment we are staying here to save money for our own place (which we are doing lol)

Quoting lovinglife0682:

At 8:30 isn't that bedtime? Do you live with your in laws?


Quoting ACDC_fan:

also, since there was such a shit storm, I just had Lucy lie down and for once she is napping- at 8 fuckin 30 at night. I don't want to hear it later when she is awake at 1 AM. I'm not the one who demanded she lie down for a nap when it's just nearly her bedtime. Not my problem when she wakes up. 




Elyce225
by Emerald Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 PM

You are living in her house, her rules, don't like then move out.  She can say anything she wants.  Maybe your daughter is a brat when she is tired and that is why she is telling you she needs a nap, as most toddlers do.

Don't worry about what her other kids do and what she says to them.  If they are not living there that is none of your business.  

SRUsarahSC
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this

yup, time to move out.

Litlmama87
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 PM
If she's not taking naps, 8:30 shouldn't be nap time. It should be her bedtime.

Nobody loves or will deal with your kids like you do, & when you live in someone else's home, relaxed parenting habits can be very irritating.

Even if she refuses to go to sleep, try making her rest. A period of the day where she lays down to recharge, even if she stays awake.
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lovinglife0682
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 PM
I could not live with my in laws. I would tell your husband if he wakes her up then he stays up with her.


Quoting ACDC_fan:

yes it is, I was literally JUST about to get her in pajamas and ready for bed. I aim for 8:30 or 9.
thing is my hubby went in the room with her cause he's exhausted and he wants to nap. whatever, he's an adult and stays up anyway. so when he wakes up and makes all that noise, she is going to wake up ad stay up.

 yes at the moment we are staying here to save money for our own place (which we are doing lol)


Quoting lovinglife0682:

At 8:30 isn't that bedtime? Do you live with your in laws?





Quoting ACDC_fan:

also, since there was such a shit storm, I just had Lucy lie down and for once she is napping- at 8 fuckin 30 at night. I don't want to hear it later when she is awake at 1 AM. I'm not the one who demanded she lie down for a nap when it's just nearly her bedtime. Not my problem when she wakes up. 







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ACDC_fan
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:30 PM


she insisted we stay here to save up money for our own place after we went thru hard times. at first my hubby actually agreed with her, but once he did I just broke. I sat there not even answering when he'd say something to me, and eventually got teary eyed again. I walked away for a long time.
when I came back he was sorry and tried his best to cheer me up, but no go. 

Quoting AnastasiaKorsh:

why are you living with your mil? what does your hubby say?



LAXmom21
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:31 PM
What did your DH say? Is she ways like this with you?
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