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when will my black daughter realize both her parents are white?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
Do I wait for her to bring it up? Or do I bring it up to her? I'm worried children at school may ask her questions before we talk about her birth parents
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Sarafinn2012
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:03 PM

How old is she? Maybe there are books on adoption (I am assuming she is adopted) that would help you and/or her to understand and cope with it. As long as she knows she is loved, that is what really matters.

mstkn.identity
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:04 PM
Good luck.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:05 PM



Quoting Sarafinn2012:

How old is she? Maybe there are books on adoption (I am assuming she is adopted) that would help you and/or her to understand and cope with it. As long as she knows she is loved, that is what really matters.


FoodIsLife
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:06 PM

DH is "brown" and BM is also "brown/black"...basically she is not white at all.

She told DH the other day... "You are brown and I am white"...he froze. "No, you are brown like me"...I don't thinks she gets it? I think to her it's still literally black and white. I don't know if she even grasps "brown"? We talk about those things when it arises. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM
My other daughter calls her brown. She thinks she's special because she looks so different than us. She has prettier skin and hair (in her mind... I can't say that or it would hurt my other dds feelings but she really is right). I want to keep her thinking positively like that. I don't want her to feel ugly because she is different. I just worried her attitude about herself would change when she realizes we are not her biological parents. I worry she will feel left out and lied to. I also wonder if she already knows and hasn't said anything


Quoting FoodIsLife:

DH is "brown" and BM is also "brown/black"...basically she is not white at all.

She told DH the other day... "You are brown and I am white"...he froze. "No, you are brown like me"...I don't thinks she gets it? I think to her it's still literally black and white. I don't know if she even grasps "brown"? We talk about those things when it arises. 


FoodIsLife
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:17 PM


How old is she? SD is 5 and she's been on what color we are since maybe 3. She knows I'm white. She *knows* these things but she doesn't really know....you know? lol

I don't have much help for you. I would just say to love her a lot and that's what will shine through. Be honest about everything (why you *chose* her specially)... Depending on her age, she probably already knows but doesn't really *see* it yet...you aren't different to her, you're just mom.

Quoting Anonymous:

My other daughter calls her brown. She thinks she's special because she looks so different than us. She has prettier skin and hair (in her mind... I can't say that or it would hurt my other dds feelings but she really is right). I want to keep her thinking positively like that. I don't want her to feel ugly because she is different. I just worried her attitude about herself would change when she realizes we are not her biological parents. I worry she will feel left out and lied to. I also wonder if she already knows and hasn't said anything


Quoting FoodIsLife:

DH is "brown" and BM is also "brown/black"...basically she is not white at all.

She told DH the other day... "You are brown and I am white"...he froze. "No, you are brown like me"...I don't thinks she gets it? I think to her it's still literally black and white. I don't know if she even grasps "brown"? We talk about those things when it arises. 




romalove
by SakePrincess on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:17 PM

Huh???

romalove
by SakePrincess on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:18 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Anonymous:

My other daughter calls her brown. She thinks she's special because she looks so different than us. She has prettier skin and hair (in her mind... I can't say that or it would hurt my other dds feelings but she really is right). I want to keep her thinking positively like that. I don't want her to feel ugly because she is different. I just worried her attitude about herself would change when she realizes we are not her biological parents. I worry she will feel left out and lied to. I also wonder if she already knows and hasn't said anything


Quoting FoodIsLife:

DH is "brown" and BM is also "brown/black"...basically she is not white at all.

She told DH the other day... "You are brown and I am white"...he froze. "No, you are brown like me"...I don't thinks she gets it? I think to her it's still literally black and white. I don't know if she even grasps "brown"? We talk about those things when it arises. 


She shouldn't have to realize.

She should be told all along.  She should know that she IS special and loved and part of your family and that families come together in many different ways and how she came to be part of yours.


paganmommy4
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:21 PM

Maybe its not an issue to her. Kids give zero fucks over what their parents look like ( its the ignorant fucks that point it out to make her feel bad about she looks different) or that they have two moms/two dads or one parent or being raised by grandparents.. Society needs to chill the eff out and stop making kids feel bad because their family isnt traditional.. She might have questions about it but its not big deal

bleumonster
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:22 PM
Ok you need to talk about her adoption and her birth parents in very general terms now. I didn't read all the posts so I don't k ow if you said how old she is but most kids realize different colors and how they compare to their parents about age 5-6. A few start earlier, some later. There are a lot of good books out there that deal with interracial adoption.
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