Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

she wants to take my dh to another state this weekend *FINAL UPDATE*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 426 Replies
10 moms liked this

DH is military and we just PCSed here a few months ago. There is a woman in his unit that has been friendly to him...gave him an extra unit patch until he could buy one, invited us over so our kids could play together, etc. Anyway, this woman is married. Her husband is the stay at home spouse. He's a gamer and when we went to her house, he was on the computer the whole time playing video games.

DH came home the other day and said that P this woman) asked him to help her this weekend picking up a car she wants to buy. He has a problem saying no to anyone, so he went along with it. I trust my husband (so please don't take this post in that direction), but she wants to go pick up this car in FL (we're in GA)...so that's about a 3hr drive each way. I find it really weird that she isn't having her husband help her and yes not going...

What do you guys think?


UPDATE: DH just came home. I talked to him and he agreed with me about it being strange. He is going to talk to her about it when he sees her at work. He also brought up that he wouldn't like it if the roles were reversed (me going with a guy). I'll update later if anything changes.

Edit: Sorry for not really responding too much or posting an update. I was on my phone most of the day yesterday and couldn't update (and there were A LOT of replies to this post that it was hard to keep up). I'll answer some of the things that were asked a few times. Her husband DOES drive. This is the reason for them getting another car. He doesn't work because he's a stay at home dad....they have 3 kids and that is a lot in daycare, so they choose for him to stay home (or that's what they told us). Yes, he was on the computer the WHOLE time we were there visiting. It was a birthday party for her youngest. When the food was done cooking, he got up really quick, made a HUGE plate of food, and then went back to the computer (didn't even let the kids make a plate first or any of the guests....which I find rude, but that's me). As far as my DH, he didn't see her yesterday, so he was unable to talk to her. I think that covers about everything. I'll keep you guys updated when I get more info or if anything happens :)

UPDATE #2: So, tomorrow was supposed to be the day that they go pick up the car. I asked DH tonight if he got a chance to talk to her to let her know he couldn't go. DH said he did bring it up to her and said that he couldn't go this weekend. She then said to him, "Oh, no...it's next Saturday." Which isn't true. When she asked, he specifically asked when and she said it was this weekend. Anyway, DH said to me, "I don't want to go, but I don't want to be an ass...what should I say to her?" I told him that since my parents are coming down for a visit the following week, tell her that we have guests coming and need to get the house ready, so that you were unable to go with her. He's going to let her know on Monday at work.
Anyway, just thought I would update you ladies since you were all wanting to know what happened.

Final Update: DH just came home. He told her he won't be going. He told her that he didn't feel it was appropriate when her husband could go with her. He did tell her that if taking her children was an issue, we could watch them. She didn't like that. She basically put the blame on me (but in a passive aggressive way). She said to him, "I guess your wife has trust issues, huh?" He told her it had nothing to do with me at all. Anyway, that's probably the last update I'll have.
For those saying my husband should "man up," well...I guess he did. The problem is that he has a hard time being rude to anyone and worries about hurting anyone's feelings. It has nothing to do with him not being a man, but more with him just being very compassionate. My husband tried to commit suicide months ago because he felt he had no one to turn to about issues he was having. THAT is part of the reason why it's so hard for him to not help someone when they ask for it.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:13 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Country_Momma89
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Maybe her husband is staying home with the kids?

Pink.Frosting
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:14 AM
25 moms liked this

Yes, it's weird and that's fine if dh wanted to help out, but I'd be going too.

LiliM
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:16 AM
52 moms liked this

No.

There are boundaries, and helping a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse when that person has a spouse...No.  Crosses a boundary for me.

Tell DH that you trust him, but feel perhaps she is not honoring the boundaries of her marriage or you all's.  I've run across people like this.  I don't get how they don't see it...but generally, they had less than honorable intentions.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:17 AM
That was my thought too, but they have really close friends that could watch them...we have even offered to babysit if they ever need it. I just think it's a bit weird she's always asking my husband to do stuff and not her own.

Quoting Country_Momma89:

Maybe her husband is staying home with the kids?

LovelyMommy24
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:18 AM
This.

Quoting Pink.Frosting:

Yes, it's weird and that's fine if dh wanted to help out, but I'd be going too.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:19 AM
He thinks it's weird too, but feels bad telling her no since she's been nice and helpful to us.

Quoting LiliM:

No.

There are boundaries, and helping a person of the opposite sex who is not your spouse when that person has a spouse...No.  Crosses a boundary for me.

Tell DH that you trust him, but feel perhaps she is not honoring the boundaries of her marriage or you all's.  I've run across people like this.  I don't get how they don't see it...but generally, they had less than honorable intentions.

bi-polarmommy
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:19 AM
30 moms liked this

 i think she's interested in your dh, cause hers sits and plays games all day

Fields456
by Ruby Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:19 AM
I have mixed feelings about it. My dh would volunteer to do that for a female friend he has known For years ones that I am also very good friends with but for someone he just recently met I think I would find it alittle odd I do agree with a pp maybe they don't have anyone to watch the kids or her dh maybe one of those that refuses to do anything other than watch the kids and play video games. Just asked my dh and he agrees with me
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LovelyMommy24
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:20 AM
4 moms liked this
That is and it's a red flag. There's no reason her dh can't go and you guys watch the kids. I'd put an end to that real quick.

Quoting Anonymous:

That was my thought too, but they have really close friends that could watch them...we have even offered to babysit if they ever need it. I just think it's a bit weird she's always asking my husband to do stuff and not her own.



Quoting Country_Momma89:

Maybe her husband is staying home with the kids?

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM
14 moms liked this

offer to babysit so that her DH can go with her. Otherwise, he  needs to tell her that he forgot about something on his schedule and it's not going to work out, and he's terribly sorry, and is there another family or friend that can help out this time? This is a boundary that is too over the line for me personally.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)