Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No, your children DON'T need to go everyfreakingwhere! ETA

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post


ETA at bottom


I honestly don't understand moms that can't stand to be away from their children.  At all.  Ever.  

I understand if you have a newborn or an older child who has disabilities.  That's different and totally understandable if you don't feel comfortable getting a sitter for your child.  

I'm talking about the moms who, oh, I don't know, RSVP their toddlers or young children (elementary school age) to adults-only events, or take their children everywhere they go, even to the OB/GYN.  "OH look Timmy, that's called a speculum!  The doctor uses it to see inside mommy and make sure she's doing ok!" 





The world doesn't revolve around your precious snowflakes, and they need to learn that.  That's one of the reasons we have such entitled brats everywhere we look, because mommy took them everywhere no matter what, even if they weren't invited. 

Some events are adult-only because adults need time to themselves and to spend time in social groups without their kids or someone else's kids running around.  I know I'm not the only one here who wouldn't take their children to a wedding and reception even if children were invited.  I want to go and enjoy the ceremony without having to wipe noses, get up to take them to the bathroom, or generally entertain them at an adult event they most likely will be bored with.  

I love my kids, I love spending time with them, taking them places, and creating lots of memories; but I know not all places are kid-friendly and not all adults like kids.  I have a life, interests, and hobbies outside of my kids.  I love being a mom but I like being me, too.  

I guess what I'm saying is it's ok for you to go out with your husband every once in a while.  If you have toddlers or elementary-school kids, ask around for a reliable baby-sitter.  Someone is bound to know one and give you their number.  If you have a few friends or acquaintances you know, offer to start a baby-sitting  circle where one couple watches another couple's kids for the night while they go out to dinner, and they reciprocate the next night or the next weekend.  

Go.  Have fun.  Make a monthly thing.  Find yourself again and reclaim who you were before you had kids.  You can still be a great mom while being an individual.  Find yourself before it's too late!  


ETA:

OMG my post made the featured post of the day!  That's AWESOME!!!

I haven't had time to read all the replies yet, and I really didn't mean to offend anyone.  I've been at my breaking point before where I didn't have anyone to watch my kids and I really needed a break.  And honestly, if I could, I would help all of you out.  Everyone deserves a break now and then, even if you're just taking a little nap or taking that shower you really want to take.  I truly hope you find someone trustworthy to help you out soon.  

Also, I just wanted to clear something up:  I understand if you're a single mom and kind of HAVE to take your children everywhere because of course you can't leave them at home alone.  

I was referring to the mom's who don't ever want to do anything without their kids, even if they can get a reliable and trustworthy babysitter for the evening.

You need freedom for a night.  Your kids need to be free to do things without you sometimes and learn how to be themselves without mommy constantly there.  That's how they grow, develop, and learn how to be an individual.  

I'm sure all of you are great moms and we are all trying our best.  

blowing kisses

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 12, 2013 at 4:31 AM
Replies (581-590):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 13, 2013 at 1:57 AM
My life has always been about kids. At 8 I started raising my three brothers while my mom was at the bar "finding herself" and having "kid free time" because (in her words) "all mommies need to go ourt once In a while" her once in a while was 5 nights a week. She'd come stumbling in after 3am drunk and high then sleep till 5 the next day.

I never had a fun exciting life as a teen or young adult. Between taking care of my brothers and having kids early everything has been about them. I don't know what its like to go out without kids. I never want my children to raise eachother and what better way to make sure they don't other than me takibg 100% care of them?
noahscott
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 1:57 AM

I'm guessing someone ruined your night??

britt6
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:00 AM

I cannot believe all the excuses I am hearing. While I may not be the norm I can say that I have 4 children, 3 with disabilities (one of which is classic Autism) and I still manage to have date night with my hubby once a week. This is with only two people who "may or may not" babysit my kids. I think that being a mother is very important but so is the unity between you and your SO.

Momma.x3
by Bronze Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:03 AM

 Sadly, I agree. I am a younger mother I am only twenty and have two childrenand another due in July. So I know a ton of young mothers. One I know goes to a bar every Thursday, no joke. She has two children, one that she gets to see every once in a while because she isn't a good mother and the father also young got custody. Anyways she had her second baby a month go at 35 weeks because the baby has problems and is considered special need and was at the bar like a week later and she had a c-section. She was punched in the stomach and face while pregnant with her second there. She is nineteen. I have never even been to a bar, just don't seem like a good place to be. But who knows I guess. But I do know a younger mother who is eighteen with two little ones and she is an amazing mother, much like me. I am blessed to know her. 

Quoting Sharkgirl7:

I agree. It irks me when moms (typically younger but I'm NOT saying ALL young mom's do this, just the majority of who *I* see do this are young) say "I deserve a night off every week to go out" And of those, at least half party. Grow up, kwim??

Quoting Momma.x3:

Your opinion isn't everyone's. My husband and I feel a baby sitter is pointless they didn't create our children. Our children are our responsibility end of story. We have a right to feel that way just because you don't. Have fun going out and what not, its not for everyone. Honestly I find it horrifying when moms are going out every weekend and leaving their children at home with a sitter. Just my opinion.


 

RandiBear
by Gold Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:06 AM
I've seen it going 3 ways: #1 It's okay to leave your baby #2 being almost hateful to moms who wont go places their kids can't go...like it's a personal offense (in another post this woman got hell because she wasn't willing to hire a perfect stranger to babysit her 2 month old for an entire day to attend a wedding) #3 Being hateful to women who DO leave their kids and calling them selfish and bad parents. It's stupid!
Quoting a5hl3yC:

I'm hoping the point of the post was to make it so woman know it's normal and to not feel guilty about having that moment alone. I rarely go without my daughter, she's only 2 but the point is I keep her with me always. So the few times just myself or myself and my husband go out shopping because she's not feeling well or my parents want to visit with her I'll get to a store and if I run into people it's always the "why isn't she with you? where is she? how long will she be alone?" she's not alone she's been taken care of. You see what I mean? I don't think other moms should feel bad about enjoying the time together but I do see where with doctors appointments and such it's probably easier for everyone if there is a person who can help out.

Quoting RandiBear:

Oh I totally agree. I like my me time. Once a week DH takes the munchkin so I can have a hot soak and read a book. He is even pushing me to take off a night at a spa to get a massage and spend time by myself because I have been really stressed. I'm just saying people get all up in arms because some women feel like if their kids can't be there...they don't want to be there. Like that's WRONG for them to feel that way. It's not wrong, just different. My DS is with me nearly 24/7 but that's because I am a SAHM and full time student (online classes the past 2 semesters). I take him everywhere I go only because I almost never need to go anywhere he can't go or isn't welcome to go. lol he even went with DH and I on our anniversary last year and we had a better time WITH him than we had the year before. Crazy, I know! Anyway, my point was I don't know why we have to judge eachother so much on choices that are not wrong, just different.
Quoting a5hl3yC:

The idea is some adults have interests that either don't apply to or aren't appropriate for children. In a sense I agree. Even if it's just a reading circle and all the kids play in the other room with another adult for an hour or so that's still considered alone time. It's about getting a break in every once in a while.

Quoting RandiBear:

.....and not everyone wants to go out...why do we all have be so negative toward people who SIMPLY live differently? You live your life and let them live theirs.





jeweldragons
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:08 AM
1 mom liked this

Quoting Anonymous:

Your marriage won't end well. Book it.


Quoting jeweldragons:

I don't like adults. I prefer the company of little kids which is partly why I plan on being a teacher. I have PCOD and we've been TTC for six years. Just because you take your kids everywhere doesn't mean you have lost your identity. I agree though that some places aren't child friendly. We do not do 'date nights'. We don't need them and they aren't our style. I have some hobbies (reading, gaming, astronomy, writing, even trying to learn sewing and want to start learning Ta'i Chi Chu'an). I can easily do the first five easily at home. Hell I could even buy a DVD about Ta'i Chi Chu'an and begin learning that at home as well if I wanted. You do what you want and I'll do what I want.


We don't believe in divorce unless battery or cheating is occuring-neither is happening because both situations will lead to a death sentence. We've been holding strong for six years so far and plan on continuing until Allah (SWT) kills both of us or one of us. How exactly is my marriage 'going to fail'? Just because we do things differently? Honestly I have NEVER liked being outside around people. I prefer the company of animals and little kids (up to 3rd grade) to most people. I've always been like that growing up and it hasn't changed now that I'm married and an adult. I cannot stand teenagers-they're immature, rude and disrespectful. I hate college kids-I find in my experience as a former colleg student-majority only care about fucking and drinking instead of their studies. Personally my studies have been very important to me since 11th grade. In fact one of my old classmates in 11th grade (he was a senior I was in a private K-12 school and there was always 2 grades together in one room) said I study too hard and I need to relax. Why is it so hard for the people on this website to believe that you don't need 'date nights' to be strong in a marriage?
BellaByrdie
by Gold Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:10 AM

I agree whole heartedly.  AND I saw someone say I'm a single mom.  I have to!.  NOOO you don't.  A single parent can get a babysitter just as easy as anynone else.  Stop teaching your children that the WORLD revolves around THEM.   It doesn't.  They will be in for one hell of a wake up call when they become adults.


jeweldragons
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:12 AM

Quoting Corina1987:

I love being around kids too. I used to be a preschool teacher and the hardest part was dealing with the parents lol!


Quoting jeweldragons:

I don't like adults. I prefer the company of little kids which is partly why I plan on being a teacher. I have PCOD and we've been TTC for six years. Just because you take your kids everywhere doesn't mean you have lost your identity. I agree though that some places aren't child friendly. We do not do 'date nights'. We don't need them and they aren't our style. I have some hobbies (reading, gaming, astronomy, writing, even trying to learn sewing and want to start learning Ta'i Chi Chu'an). I can easily do the first five easily at home. Hell I could even buy a DVD about Ta'i Chi Chu'an and begin learning that at home as well if I wanted. You do what you want and I'll do what I want.


I had to quit college twice so far for different reasons but I am still using what I learned in my first college to make weekly preschool-kindergarten lesson plans. I wish I could just teach without the degree. But you need an associate degree and experience to teach in daycares around here which sucks. I can't wait to go back to school and hopefully get my degree so I can begin teaching.
SareyF
by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:16 AM
1 mom liked this
My babysitters (my neighbors, a brother and sister) molested and raped me. I was forced to watch them do the same to my best childhood friend. This is NOT uncommon. The only people I've let watch my kids are a few family members and a couple I've been friends with for a decade. If I need to do something and my husband can't be with the kids and those trusted people are unavailable, my children come with me or I don't go. The world is too scary.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ballerossandra
by Silver Member on Apr. 13, 2013 at 2:22 AM

 same here


Quoting stickyfingers:

I don't have a choice. I have no family or friends to help me out. If you would like to watch my three kids so I could get a break or even a nap I would appreciate it...


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)