Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

ex wants to go 6 weeks without visitation then get every weekend for 6 weeks after that

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 57 Replies
1 mom liked this

My ex's SO is about to have a baby, her first, his 2nd (we have one together, DS he is 6). He gets every other weekend from Friday afternoon till Saturday evening.

His SO doesn't want DS over until the baby is 6 weeks old. She is concerned with DS getting the baby sick  because he goes to school. IMO, that is something she should have thought about before getting with a man who already has a child. The child doesn't just go away because you have one. I have 2 other children, one was born 5 months ago, and I never even considered the idea of sending DS to live with his dad for 6 weeks.

I asked him if he would like to take DS during the day on his weekend, maybe out somewhere, and he said that he feels that since he works during the week 12 hour shifts, he should stay home and help his SO take care of the baby on the weekends.

I told my ex that while I can't force him to take visitation if he chooses not to, he isn't going to get to make up the time later. I told him that he should be ashamed for being willing to put his son on the back burner for his SO's wishes. This was what I was afraid of when I found out that she was pregnant, DS would be pushed to the side. I am just thankful that DS is very close to my DH and that he has him as a father figure too.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:03 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
baquick
by Ruby Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:06 AM
Eh. It's your child's sibling. I would do it. Sd didn't meet ds until he was 5 weeks old. Then again, sd was recovering from a nasty big when ds was born. Bm didn't have an issue keeping sd during that time. She was 6 at the time as well.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ksueditz
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:09 AM
2 moms liked this

someday your ds will realize who was truly there for him, and who was not. til then, just make sure you make him feel more loved, and be there for him. my ex pulls crap like this all the time, and my boys are now 16&14, and they tend to have less time for their dad now. hopefully, your ex realizes sooner rather than later, that he's making a big mistake. 

jujubear1
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:12 AM
2 moms liked this

 SS was 6 when dd was born.  There was a special trip made to pick him up from his mom's so he could meet his new little sis.  I have a pic of him holding her for the first time.  Really cute now because they are now 14 and 8. I never considered asking to keep ss away for the first few weeks.  I did find out that ss's mom was worried about dd replacing ss. Honestly, as a sm, that never crossed my mind.  Idk what advice to tell you, really between you and your ex and his so.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this

The kid has nothing to do with it. This is ex's SO (not even wife, just SO) making unreasonable demands, him going along with it and expecting me to be ok with it. When one of the parents have other children, that child will be around the newborn when they are to be with the parents. If she didn't want my son, who is not sick, around her baby, she shouldn't have had a baby with a man who already had a child.

When I had my other 2, DS was there the whole time around them. So what, his baby is more important then my 2, nope. I can't force him to take visitation but I am not going to let him make up the time when he CHOOSES not to take his time



Quoting baquick:

Eh. It's your child's sibling. I would do it. Sd didn't meet ds until he was 5 weeks old. Then again, sd was recovering from a nasty big when ds was born. Bm didn't have an issue keeping sd during that time. She was 6 at the time as well.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:14 AM

That's so cute!!! I couldn't imagine saying keep a sibling away from the baby.



Quoting jujubear1:

 SS was 6 when dd was born.  There was a special trip made to pick him up from his mom's so he could meet his new little sis.  I have a pic of him holding her for the first time.  Really cute now because they are now 14 and 8. I never considered asking to keep ss away for the first few weeks.  I did find out that ss's mom was worried about dd replacing ss. Honestly, as a sm, that never crossed my mind.  Idk what advice to tell you, really between you and your ex and his so.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Thanks



Quoting ksueditz:

someday your ds will realize who was truly there for him, and who was not. til then, just make sure you make him feel more loved, and be there for him. my ex pulls crap like this all the time, and my boys are now 16&14, and they tend to have less time for their dad now. hopefully, your ex realizes sooner rather than later, that he's making a big mistake. 



lilmama2be
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:15 AM

If it were me I would say he can skip the visitation, but HE can explain it to his son as to why he won't be seeing him for a month and a half. And I would not let him make up the time later.

My opinion...I can see skipping the first weekend of visitation. Newborns can be tiring but after that every effort should be made to make sure his son does not feel replaced by the baby. The excuse about getting sick is ridiculous. Unless she plans to put the baby in a bubble for a month and a half, it will be exposed to illness--Daddy is working right? That's exposure. Mommy wll eventually go out in public right? That's exposure. Ridiculous.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this

Your ex and his SO sound like lovely people!  I wouldn't let him make up the time later either,  with his actions he is showing your son the new baby is more important than him and that is awful!

momma_sam
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM
1 mom liked this
That wouldnt go over well with me. The ex shouldnt get to pick and choose a new visitation set up that drastic because of a new baby.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
baquick
by Ruby Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:19 AM
IMO your just looking for a reason to dislike her. Your making a mountain out of a molehill. I get what your saying, but your sons interactions with your younger two were a daily thing. Not EOW.

Just glad my bm didn't throw a fit when we discussed this.


Quoting Anonymous:

The kid has nothing to do with it. This is ex's SO (not even wife, just SO) making unreasonable demands, him going along with it and expecting me to be ok with it. When one of the parents have other children, that child will be around the newborn when they are to be with the parents. If she didn't want my son, who is not sick, around her baby, she shouldn't have had a baby with a man who already had a child.

When I had my other 2, DS was there the whole time around them. So what, his baby is more important then my 2, nope. I can't force him to take visitation but I am not going to let him make up the time when he CHOOSES not to take his time




Quoting baquick:

Eh. It's your child's sibling. I would do it. Sd didn't meet ds until he was 5 weeks old. Then again, sd was recovering from a nasty big when ds was born. Bm didn't have an issue keeping sd during that time. She was 6 at the time as well.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)