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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My husband has no sympathy

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ever since Monday my husband has been making jokes about the bombing. "Eh, at least they bombed the losers, not the winners", "The Boston accent must have literally driven them to insanity", etc. He made fun of me for crying when I found out about it. Tonight when I was watching the coverage he said "aren't you sick of this crap yet?".

I just don't understand how someone can not feel an ounce of sympathy for these people. If you don't want to watch the news coverage, fine, but making fun of the victims is taking it WAY too far.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 19, 2013 at 11:51 PM
Replies (41-50):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:16 AM
Is he a redditor by any chance? Or 4chan?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:17 AM
People were killed. Not to point out your reply directly but i always wonder why it makes it more tragic because its a child. And I always see people say this when children die. Would it be less tragic if the lives lost were all teens or adults?

Quoting nelliesmommy:

Your husband is sick. A child was killed.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:18 AM
Actually, his sense of humor has changed in the past few years. He was injured while training with the USMC and he's been a different person ever since.

Quoting AliKatAK47:

He has a morbid sense of humor. You married him knowing that. Its not that he has no sympathy. He just doesn't show it like you do.



Quoting Anonymous:

I get that. They interrupted my general hospital too :-/ If he's annoyed by the news coverage I understand, but the jokes are unnecessary.





Quoting AliKatAK47:

I am sorry but I am quite tired of the coverage being on every channel all the time as well. I actually did want to watch Jeopardy today. I wanted to get my 70 year old lady on but the coverage cancelled it. It was sad but playing it over and over again isn't making it less sad.
MicheleJM
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:18 AM

Sounds like my sons...although being kids it's different perhaps.  They are not upset by the news.  Idk what ds9 knows but ds12 knows about the bombing.  He isn't joking about it though.  Maybe the others are right and it is your dh's  way of coping.  Ds12 is very matter of fact...he was like that when we had gun threats after Sandy Hook and he'd tell me about the drills they did.  I don't think that means he isn't afraid.  I think he acts silly, boasts, and plays video games to deal with his fear is all.  Idk ds9 knows about Boston much although he knew about Sandy Hook.  I told him...but he says even less than his brother about what bothers him. I have to pry things out of him.  I don't have the news on for them to see so I think in part they aren't upset because they aren't watching.

I'd probably say something "Dude don't make those  jokes around me...they really bother me...or something.


Quoting Anonymous:

Upsetting news never bothers him. If it doesn't directly affect him, he doesn't care.
If someone close to him dies, he can't cope. He's literally inconsolable.

Quoting Anonymous:

How does he normally handle upseting news? How does he handle deaths in the family? How does he expres other emotions?



My husband handles this by being alone fixing something.



Quoting Anonymous:

I guess it's possible. It just really upsets me to hear him talking like that.





Quoting Anonymous:

Is it possible that jokes are his way of coping with his emtions? Men are not always good with expressing themselves the way we think they should.



nelliesmommy
by prettyandpierced on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:

People were killed. Not to point out your reply directly but i always wonder why it makes it more tragic because its a child. And I always see people say this when children die. Would it be less tragic if the lives lost were all teens or adults?

Quoting nelliesmommy:

Your husband is sick. A child was killed.

I agree. it's sad regardless. A young women died too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 12:22 AM
No? I don't know what that means.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is he a redditor by any chance? Or 4chan?
BrighteyedAsh
by Ashley on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:36 AM
I'm very emotional, so I try to avoid or joke on subjects and make light of them to keep from getting to emotionally involved.

Not in this case though.

I'm not unsympathetic but I'm not all over it either. I stay to my own things, feel some sympathy for the victims, disgust at the perpetrators, and grief for those emotionally involved...but it's all in passing.

If I got attached to every moving scenario, I'd be a habitual basket case.

I can't even make it through most Disney movies without tearing up. Wreck It Ralph...The Odd Life of Timothy Green...my SO always glances at me when there's a moment he knows I'm tearing up and tells me "I knew it!" and pokes me.

Now...with Sandy Hook...I was furious. Like 'kick some shit around and let's go ruthlessly torture that sorry sack of sh** in a twisted drawn out way' kind of furious.

With this...it's like...:sigh: "Wtf is going on anymore?" with only a mild awareness of the victims or desire to focus on it.

Basically, it gets so overwhelming and it doesn't feel like fixating on it solves anything for anyone...it just makes you sad...and angry. With no way to really reasonably act on it. So you shut it out.

Some of us are just wired this way.

Idk if he's the same, but for me, I'm not unsympathetic in general...just on things I feel helpless about.

Usually I'm very sympathetic, emotional, loving and concerned.

But this, I know enough are worried and upset by it, one less distraught person causes no harm and saves me wasted tears.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 3:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I've seen jokes all over the internet and even on here about the whole thing. Everyone copes differently. I, personally, find it odd that you would cry. I don't think it is wrong, I just can't imagine crying. I feel awful for the families and the victims and the whole city, but it doesn't make me cry.

Of course, if someone close to him dies and he doesn't care and makes a joke, then I might worry. Still, it just might be how he copes.

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting LiesLiesLies:

Some people separate themselves from tragedy so they DON'T feel. Because when they do its too overwhelming.

I understand people do that, and that's okay, but I don't see the point in adding to it and making jokes.

BrittsJade
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:54 PM
Some ppl deal w/ tragedy differently. There was a double murder suicide a few yrs back on my street on xmas & my sister joked about it the min. we found out, up to when they were getting the bodies out. She isn't heartless, but she just made light of it. I for one don't watch or read the news, I don't like reading sad stories.
Mrs.Kubalabuku
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 2:57 PM

People react in different ways.  Perhaps his indifference and cruel jokes are his way of trying to process it?

Men in our society struggle to display such complex emotions as grief, shock, vulnerability, etc.  They are supposed to be strong, they are supposed to fix the problems.

Maybe next time he makes a joke or says something cruel or insensitive, you should try a different route:

Tell him "It's OK."  And then just walk away.  Don't get baited into more.  IF this is his problem, you have acknowledged him gracefully without emasculating him.

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