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I'm done acting like I feel bad for getting pregnant

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am pregnant with our 3ird child. Me and DH are planning on telling MIL and FIL tonight. I am concerned because with the first 2 pregnancies, MIL and FIL acted like it was some horrible thing. Instead of being happy for us, she said things like "oh, your poor sister", "why don't "we" keep this under our hats for a while" yes she wanted me to HIDE my pregnancy. There is always an air of dread. Throughout my pregnancy, anytime anything about the pregnancy is mentioned around SIL, MIL will quickly change the subject and give me this nasty look like "how dare you talk about that" even if someone else was the one who brought it up. She even told me not to have invitations sent out to DH's side of thee family for my baby showers (in our family, we have one for each baby).

This is all because SIL has been trying to get pregnant for about 8 years, since just before me and DH got married. They have spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, she has gotten pregnant a few times but it has always ended in an early miscarriage. For some reason that no one wants to explain, adoption isn't an option.

SIL sometimes acts like I have personally taken her babies or something. If I parent in a way she doesn't like (for example, I don't use cloth diapers, she thinks they are the only way to go) she will say something like "why can you have kids, you don't know what you are doing". She storms off in a huff when she thinks people are giving my pregnancy too much attention and it's even worse when the new baby comes.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it must be horrible for SIL to not be able to have a baby and I am sure that the fact that in the time that they have been trying, I have had 2 healthy babies, no miscarriages and now I am pregnant again has only added to that. On the other hand, I am sick of feeling bad or acting like I feel bad for being pregnant. I want to be excited about my pregnancies, I want to be able to share about what's going on, not all the time but sometimes. I don't think it's any more fair to try to make me feel guilty for having babies then it is to make SIL feel guilty because she can't.

I talked to DH about my concerns and he agrees with me. We are going to tell MIL and FIl about the pregnancy but we are also going to explain to them that we are very excited and we hope that they will be too and that it was very hurtful the past two pregnancies when mostly upset about us being pregnant.

I hope everything goes ok, if not we may just have to distance ourselves for a while.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Replies (11-20):
jbirdsladie27
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:50 AM
Yes, she will. Have they considered adoption?

The world can't walk eggshells around women who can't conceive or carry to full term.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, I know it is sad but at some point, SIL is going to have to realize that she may never have a child and other women around her are going to get pregnant and she is going to have to accept that. BIL (DH's brother) is getting married next month and they want to start trying for kids soon.




Quoting jbirdsladie27:

I wouldn't feel bad, I'd feel sad for SIL, but I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant myself.




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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:52 AM

No, for some reason (I have no idea why and no one will explian it but it seems to have to do with SIL's DH because DH doesn't know why either) adoption isn't an option for them



Quoting jbirdsladie27:

Yes, she will. Have they considered adoption?

The world can't walk eggshells around women who can't conceive or carry to full term.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, I know it is sad but at some point, SIL is going to have to realize that she may never have a child and other women around her are going to get pregnant and she is going to have to accept that. BIL (DH's brother) is getting married next month and they want to start trying for kids soon.




Quoting jbirdsladie27:

I wouldn't feel bad, I'd feel sad for SIL, but I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant myself.






Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:53 AM

Yeah, your whole family has handled everything very poorly.  While it's entirely understandable to sympathize with your SIL there is NO reason why everyone, including said SIL, shouldn't be happy for the newest additions to the family. 

I would have already distanced myself from them.  You are much more forgiving than I.

jbirdsladie27
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:53 AM
That's sad

Quoting Anonymous:

No, for some reason (I have no idea why and no one will explian it but it seems to have to do with SIL's DH because DH doesn't know why either) adoption isn't an option for them




Quoting jbirdsladie27:

Yes, she will. Have they considered adoption?



The world can't walk eggshells around women who can't conceive or carry to full term.




Quoting Anonymous:

Yeah, I know it is sad but at some point, SIL is going to have to realize that she may never have a child and other women around her are going to get pregnant and she is going to have to accept that. BIL (DH's brother) is getting married next month and they want to start trying for kids soon.





Quoting jbirdsladie27:

I wouldn't feel bad, I'd feel sad for SIL, but I wouldn't feel bad for being pregnant myself.








Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:55 AM

Debbie downers always want things to be about them. i have had 4 miscarriages including twins in 2008. I would get sad when everyone else would be having babies but never did i take their moment an make it about me. your in laws need to stfu and let you live. everyone's lives goes on, your in laws fail to notice the world doesn't revolve around them.

CjEmmemommy
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I would not go around one people anymore!

 Oh and congratulations 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:55 AM
I wouldnt feel bad. Sorry you have to deal with that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:55 AM
You deserve to be happy. Your SIL is being ridiculous. I can understand her being envious but Imo if she was really as eager to have a child as she says, she would try adoption. Sounds like maybe she enjoys being a martyr a little bit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Just be glad they havent asked you to hgive them a kid...my il say I have plenty I can be generius and give my sil 1.uh no why is it my fault and I know she is jelly and calls me.a bad parent
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:58 AM
Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.
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