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I'm done acting like I feel bad for getting pregnant

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am pregnant with our 3ird child. Me and DH are planning on telling MIL and FIL tonight. I am concerned because with the first 2 pregnancies, MIL and FIL acted like it was some horrible thing. Instead of being happy for us, she said things like "oh, your poor sister", "why don't "we" keep this under our hats for a while" yes she wanted me to HIDE my pregnancy. There is always an air of dread. Throughout my pregnancy, anytime anything about the pregnancy is mentioned around SIL, MIL will quickly change the subject and give me this nasty look like "how dare you talk about that" even if someone else was the one who brought it up. She even told me not to have invitations sent out to DH's side of thee family for my baby showers (in our family, we have one for each baby).

This is all because SIL has been trying to get pregnant for about 8 years, since just before me and DH got married. They have spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, she has gotten pregnant a few times but it has always ended in an early miscarriage. For some reason that no one wants to explain, adoption isn't an option.

SIL sometimes acts like I have personally taken her babies or something. If I parent in a way she doesn't like (for example, I don't use cloth diapers, she thinks they are the only way to go) she will say something like "why can you have kids, you don't know what you are doing". She storms off in a huff when she thinks people are giving my pregnancy too much attention and it's even worse when the new baby comes.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it must be horrible for SIL to not be able to have a baby and I am sure that the fact that in the time that they have been trying, I have had 2 healthy babies, no miscarriages and now I am pregnant again has only added to that. On the other hand, I am sick of feeling bad or acting like I feel bad for being pregnant. I want to be excited about my pregnancies, I want to be able to share about what's going on, not all the time but sometimes. I don't think it's any more fair to try to make me feel guilty for having babies then it is to make SIL feel guilty because she can't.

I talked to DH about my concerns and he agrees with me. We are going to tell MIL and FIl about the pregnancy but we are also going to explain to them that we are very excited and we hope that they will be too and that it was very hurtful the past two pregnancies when mostly upset about us being pregnant.

I hope everything goes ok, if not we may just have to distance ourselves for a while.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Replies (31-40):
kdloves.
by Gold Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:10 AM
Congrats!!! Hope all goes well when y'all talk.
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Pnukey
by Jenn on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:10 AM

Distance sounds like a good idea. Congrats on the pregnancy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you and I am sorry for your situation too



Quoting ms.sophsmom:

Wow.... First. Congrats! Ypu and DH are right. Babies are meant to ne celebrated. SIL needs to put on her grown up britches and understand that her life may just remain childless and it is NOT your fault. There is no vlame to be had. On the other hand I was not received well when I told my mother I was pregnant. I got "Oh God. Please say you didn't plan this." We had lost a pregnancy appx 6 mons before so yeah I was excited... That was crushed. My mother still tries to shame me for becoming a parent at 20. I can understand how sad that is to feel 'ashamed' of being pregnant.



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:13 AM
They didnt ask for me to be a surrogate se actually asked for 1 of my kids.i had a baby she wanted him.and she was being serious


Quoting Anonymous:

SIL actually has asked me to surrogate, when I said no, it was a BIG thing and we didn't talk to her or MIL for months after that. SIL has also already asked her brother's fiance' who gave a big HELL NO.




Quoting Anonymous:

Just be glad they havent asked you to hgive them a kid...my il say I have plenty I can be generius and give my sil 1.uh no why is it my fault and I know she is jelly and calls me.a bad parent





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Congrats in the pregnancy! And you shouldn't feel bad. This is a happy thing. And if the in laws can't see that then maybe a little distence would help.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:14 AM

She has asked me to surrogate but there is no way I could do it. I couldn't carry a baby for 9 months just to hand it over unless it was my only option (like if I got pregnant and we couldn't take care of the baby). She was really upset, as was MIL when I said no. She has also asked her brother's fiance' if she would be willing to do it one day and she said no too and she doesn't have any sisters.



Quoting Anonymous:

That's sad. I have the same issue going on with my twin sisters, one is pregnant and the other has been trying for over a year, and just had a very early mc. If it was me, and i had healthy pregnancies, i would offer to surrogate so that she could have a baby.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:16 AM

wow, I thought it was crazy when SIL asked me to surrogate, but that is really crazy



Quoting Anonymous:

They didnt ask for me to be a surrogate se actually asked for 1 of my kids.i had a baby she wanted him.and she was being serious


Quoting Anonymous:

SIL actually has asked me to surrogate, when I said no, it was a BIG thing and we didn't talk to her or MIL for months after that. SIL has also already asked her brother's fiance' who gave a big HELL NO.




Quoting Anonymous:

Just be glad they havent asked you to hgive them a kid...my il say I have plenty I can be generius and give my sil 1.uh no why is it my fault and I know she is jelly and calls me.a bad parent







Jessie3398
by Bronze Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:17 AM
I'm sure it doesn't really help but I'm happy for you congrats momma!!!
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ms.sophsmom
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:17 AM
Thank you.. And sorry for the typos.. Yikes! Lol

Quoting Anonymous:

Thank you and I am sorry for your situation too




Quoting ms.sophsmom:

Wow.... First. Congrats! Ypu and DH are right. Babies are meant to ne celebrated. SIL needs to put on her grown up britches and understand that her life may just remain childless and it is NOT your fault. There is no vlame to be had. On the other hand I was not received well when I told my mother I was pregnant. I got "Oh God. Please say you didn't plan this." We had lost a pregnancy appx 6 mons before so yeah I was excited... That was crushed. My mother still tries to shame me for becoming a parent at 20. I can understand how sad that is to feel 'ashamed' of being pregnant.




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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?


Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.


I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e


Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.




Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.





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