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I'm done acting like I feel bad for getting pregnant

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am pregnant with our 3ird child. Me and DH are planning on telling MIL and FIL tonight. I am concerned because with the first 2 pregnancies, MIL and FIL acted like it was some horrible thing. Instead of being happy for us, she said things like "oh, your poor sister", "why don't "we" keep this under our hats for a while" yes she wanted me to HIDE my pregnancy. There is always an air of dread. Throughout my pregnancy, anytime anything about the pregnancy is mentioned around SIL, MIL will quickly change the subject and give me this nasty look like "how dare you talk about that" even if someone else was the one who brought it up. She even told me not to have invitations sent out to DH's side of thee family for my baby showers (in our family, we have one for each baby).

This is all because SIL has been trying to get pregnant for about 8 years, since just before me and DH got married. They have spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, she has gotten pregnant a few times but it has always ended in an early miscarriage. For some reason that no one wants to explain, adoption isn't an option.

SIL sometimes acts like I have personally taken her babies or something. If I parent in a way she doesn't like (for example, I don't use cloth diapers, she thinks they are the only way to go) she will say something like "why can you have kids, you don't know what you are doing". She storms off in a huff when she thinks people are giving my pregnancy too much attention and it's even worse when the new baby comes.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it must be horrible for SIL to not be able to have a baby and I am sure that the fact that in the time that they have been trying, I have had 2 healthy babies, no miscarriages and now I am pregnant again has only added to that. On the other hand, I am sick of feeling bad or acting like I feel bad for being pregnant. I want to be excited about my pregnancies, I want to be able to share about what's going on, not all the time but sometimes. I don't think it's any more fair to try to make me feel guilty for having babies then it is to make SIL feel guilty because she can't.

I talked to DH about my concerns and he agrees with me. We are going to tell MIL and FIl about the pregnancy but we are also going to explain to them that we are very excited and we hope that they will be too and that it was very hurtful the past two pregnancies when mostly upset about us being pregnant.

I hope everything goes ok, if not we may just have to distance ourselves for a while.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Replies (41-50):
ilovemykids323
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:24 AM

 GOod Luck! I kept my current pregnant a secret until i found out the gender. than we sent out a copy of one of the pics and said It's a boy!!! I ddidnt want to hear the comments  but couldn't really hide it much longer. I would just involve your in laws as little as possibnle and if they can't be happy about it than they should stay away.

HistoryNutty
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:25 AM
I'd just not tell them. I probably wouldn't want to be around them.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:30 AM
I can understand that she need to calm down and start looking into some programs that have women willing to be surrogates.Its sad there are so many women out there whose body's betray them over and over again.
Quoting Anonymous:

She has asked me to surrogate but there is no way I could do it. I couldn't carry a baby for 9 months just to hand it over unless it was my only option (like if I got pregnant and we couldn't take care of the baby). She was really upset, as was MIL when I said no. She has also asked her brother's fiance' if she would be willing to do it one day and she said no too and she doesn't have any sisters.



Quoting Anonymous:

That's sad. I have the same issue going on with my twin sisters, one is pregnant and the other has been trying for over a year, and just had a very early mc. If it was me, and i had healthy pregnancies, i would offer to surrogate so that she could have a baby.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.

SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people.

BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?


Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.


I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e


Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.




Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.







Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:34 AM
Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.


Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.

SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people.

BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent



Quoting Anonymous:

Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?





Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.





I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e





Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.





Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.











N_maricle
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:36 AM
It's not fair of them to put that on you. If they can't get over it, I would seriously distance myself too. And the comment of ,"why can you have kids when you don't know what you are doing," is crossing the line. That disrespectful bs has to stop.
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_AshlynNicole
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:38 AM
Wow your dh's family sound like jerks. I'm sorry, but just because a woman cannot get pregnant means you make the woman who can get pregnant feel guilty. I hope everything goes all right when you tell them and if not, just ignore them and be happy about YOUR pregnancy and YOUR family.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:40 AM

Wow, it seems to me that you have some serious issues with women who can have babies, jealous maybe? Once again, I don't shit them out. It really might be a better use of your time to educate yourself rather then to be on cafemom showing what an idiot  you are. I am a wonderful mother, I have 2 GREAT kids who are 6 and 2 years old.



Quoting Anonymous:

Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.


Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.


Quoting Anonymous:

I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.

SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people.

BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent



Quoting Anonymous:

Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?





Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.





I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e





Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.





Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.













Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:41 AM

Thanks



Quoting _AshlynNicole:

Wow your dh's family sound like jerks. I'm sorry, but just because a woman cannot get pregnant means you make the woman who can get pregnant feel guilty. I hope everything goes all right when you tell them and if not, just ignore them and be happy about YOUR pregnancy and YOUR family.



N_maricle
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:42 AM
Wow that was uncalled for... :( loose factory? Why are barren women so bitter towards those who can conceive? Has this lady ever heard of kegels? It boggles the mind!


Quoting Anonymous:

I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.

SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people.

BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent



Quoting Anonymous:

Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?





Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.





I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e





Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.





Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.











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