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I'm done acting like I feel bad for getting pregnant

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I am pregnant with our 3ird child. Me and DH are planning on telling MIL and FIL tonight. I am concerned because with the first 2 pregnancies, MIL and FIL acted like it was some horrible thing. Instead of being happy for us, she said things like "oh, your poor sister", "why don't "we" keep this under our hats for a while" yes she wanted me to HIDE my pregnancy. There is always an air of dread. Throughout my pregnancy, anytime anything about the pregnancy is mentioned around SIL, MIL will quickly change the subject and give me this nasty look like "how dare you talk about that" even if someone else was the one who brought it up. She even told me not to have invitations sent out to DH's side of thee family for my baby showers (in our family, we have one for each baby).

This is all because SIL has been trying to get pregnant for about 8 years, since just before me and DH got married. They have spent a ton of money on fertility treatments, she has gotten pregnant a few times but it has always ended in an early miscarriage. For some reason that no one wants to explain, adoption isn't an option.

SIL sometimes acts like I have personally taken her babies or something. If I parent in a way she doesn't like (for example, I don't use cloth diapers, she thinks they are the only way to go) she will say something like "why can you have kids, you don't know what you are doing". She storms off in a huff when she thinks people are giving my pregnancy too much attention and it's even worse when the new baby comes.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it must be horrible for SIL to not be able to have a baby and I am sure that the fact that in the time that they have been trying, I have had 2 healthy babies, no miscarriages and now I am pregnant again has only added to that. On the other hand, I am sick of feeling bad or acting like I feel bad for being pregnant. I want to be excited about my pregnancies, I want to be able to share about what's going on, not all the time but sometimes. I don't think it's any more fair to try to make me feel guilty for having babies then it is to make SIL feel guilty because she can't.

I talked to DH about my concerns and he agrees with me. We are going to tell MIL and FIl about the pregnancy but we are also going to explain to them that we are very excited and we hope that they will be too and that it was very hurtful the past two pregnancies when mostly upset about us being pregnant.

I hope everything goes ok, if not we may just have to distance ourselves for a while.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2013 at 9:43 AM
Replies (71-79):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Omg you're imbalanced. Go play with yourself.


I have no problems conceiving children. I understand that you're using that to try and dig at me, personally. However all you're managing to do is most likely hurt women who actually have that issue. Useless trash. Lol. Almost to crazy to hold against you, almost.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, yes. And you carry on spreading misery everywhere you go. No wonder you cant conceive. Your womb contains rat poison.




Quoting Anonymous:

Now that you got that out, carry on little idiot..






Quoting Anonymous:

I must interject. Shut the fuck up you bitter fruitless cunt! That is all.








Quoting Anonymous:

Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.














Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.










Quoting Anonymous:

I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.

SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people.

BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent







Quoting Anonymous:

Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?

















Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.

















I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e

















Quoting Anonymous:

Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.









Quoting Anonymous:

Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.



























Leissaintexas
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:13 AM

I miscarried about a week before my cousin had her baby. At a family gathering a week later, she was so apologetic and kept feeling bad about having the baby there right in front of me.  I told her she had no reason to apologize, that I had plenty of room in my heart to love her baby and to grieve mine at the same time. I wished her all happiness and tried to be congratulatory even though my heart was breaking. That is how a grown up handles it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Oh yeah, cause 3 kids is keeping up the species population, right.



Quoting Anonymous:

I don't feel that the world is overpopulated. I just don't mind sharing the responsibility of keeping up the species with the rest of humanity.


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, once again, an education would be your friend. If you feel so strongly about not "overpopulating the world" why did you have a child?




Quoting Anonymous:

"Only" your third? Matters well be your hundredth





Quoting Anonymous:

LOL too bad you don't have say over what I do. My mission is not to populate the earth (I am only pregnant with my 3ird BTW). I am raising good kids and me and DH will have as many as we see fit to have.





Quoting Anonymous:

I said shut up.











But to answer your question, I have no problem getting pregnant or having kids. I just don't make it my absolute mission in life to try and single handedly populate the planet like you. My one is enough.








Quoting Anonymous:Wow, it seems to me that you have some serious issues with women who can have babies, jealous maybe? Once again, I don't shit them out. It really might be a better use of your time to educate yourself rather then to be on cafemom showing what an idiot  you are. I am a wonderful mother, I have 2 GREAT kids who are 6 and 2 years old.


Quoting Anonymous:Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.








Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.








Quoting Anonymous:I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people. BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent


Quoting Anonymous:Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?








Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.








I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e








Quoting Anonymous:Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.


Quoting Anonymous:Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.





























Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:22 AM
Ahhhh op. I've just been messing with you. I wish you the best with this pregnancy and hope something works out for your SIL.


Sorry, and thanks for the fun. You're a spitfire.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, cause 3 kids is keeping up the species population, right.




Quoting Anonymous:

I don't feel that the world is overpopulated. I just don't mind sharing the responsibility of keeping up the species with the rest of humanity.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, once again, an education would be your friend. If you feel so strongly about not "overpopulating the world" why did you have a child?





Quoting Anonymous:

"Only" your third? Matters well be your hundredth








Quoting Anonymous:

LOL too bad you don't have say over what I do. My mission is not to populate the earth (I am only pregnant with my 3ird BTW). I am raising good kids and me and DH will have as many as we see fit to have.






Quoting Anonymous:

I said shut up.















But to answer your question, I have no problem getting pregnant or having kids. I just don't make it my absolute mission in life to try and single handedly populate the planet like you. My one is enough.











Quoting Anonymous:Wow, it seems to me that you have some serious issues with women who can have babies, jealous maybe? Once again, I don't shit them out. It really might be a better use of your time to educate yourself rather then to be on cafemom showing what an idiot  you are. I am a wonderful mother, I have 2 GREAT kids who are 6 and 2 years old.



Quoting Anonymous:Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.











Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.











Quoting Anonymous:I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people. BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent



Quoting Anonymous:Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?











Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.











I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e











Quoting Anonymous:Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.



Quoting Anonymous:Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.









































Anonymous
by Anonymous 13 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Congratulations!!! I think you're right to feel the way you do. Her infertility isn't your problem.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:28 AM

Lol, thanks


Quoting Anonymous:

Ahhhh op. I've just been messing with you. I wish you the best with this pregnancy and hope something works out for your SIL.


Sorry, and thanks for the fun. You're a spitfire.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh yeah, cause 3 kids is keeping up the species population, right.




Quoting Anonymous:

I don't feel that the world is overpopulated. I just don't mind sharing the responsibility of keeping up the species with the rest of humanity.





Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, once again, an education would be your friend. If you feel so strongly about not "overpopulating the world" why did you have a child?





Quoting Anonymous:

"Only" your third? Matters well be your hundredth








Quoting Anonymous:

LOL too bad you don't have say over what I do. My mission is not to populate the earth (I am only pregnant with my 3ird BTW). I am raising good kids and me and DH will have as many as we see fit to have.






Quoting Anonymous:

I said shut up.















But to answer your question, I have no problem getting pregnant or having kids. I just don't make it my absolute mission in life to try and single handedly populate the planet like you. My one is enough.











Quoting Anonymous:Wow, it seems to me that you have some serious issues with women who can have babies, jealous maybe? Once again, I don't shit them out. It really might be a better use of your time to educate yourself rather then to be on cafemom showing what an idiot  you are. I am a wonderful mother, I have 2 GREAT kids who are 6 and 2 years old.



Quoting Anonymous:Shut up and stick to what you know, shitting out a bunch of kids.











Note... I said making them is what you know, not caring for them.











Quoting Anonymous:I am talking about me, I was called a loose baby factory, which I am not. I am on the thinner side, healthy and yes, I am  fertile and have babies. That is what women are supposed to be able to do, therefore I am not sure why my ability to do so is, in this comment, being used against me. It's not anyone's fault if they can't have babies and I never said that, did I? But if you really want to know, my vagina isn't loose and if you knew anything about vaginas you would know that they will go back to the way they were before pregnancy in a healthy woman.SIL and MIL's problem with me is that I can have kids and SIL can't and I won't surrogate for her. No one else in DH's family has a problem with me, at all. It seems to me that MIL and SIL are the ones who need to work on being better people. BTW I don't poop my children out. You seem very unintelligent



Quoting Anonymous:Oh so now women who have problems with fertility are fat asses that aren't real women? And the infertility is their fault...hm. Does that go for the women in this thread who have shared their issues but supported your side too?











Loose-meant vagina lol. But I guess you took the first opportunity you could to bash your sils weight.











I see why your husband's family hates you. Hang up that loose useless pussy and work on being a better person for the children you have. Or you could just keep pooping out more. Seem like its your favorite thing. e











Quoting Anonymous:Wow, thanks. I am actually thinner and more toned then SIL, I wear a size between 1 to 3 pants. Being able to have babies, which is what women are supposed to be able to do, doesn't make a baby factory. It makes me a healthy fertile woman.



Quoting Anonymous:Ehh. Have some compassion you loose factory.











































angevil53
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:30 AM
Id tell sil to her face.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 14 on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:33 AM

It sounds to me like his family need to grow up.  There is such a thing as being happy for you and sad for her at the same time.  It is not a one or the other kind of thing.  If they cant be happy for you and your dh and they say stuff like that just because they have different views, it may be time to cut them out of your life.  Maybe it will cause them to change their tune.

momof2boy2girl
by Valerie on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:43 AM

Don't feel bad. And don't let her talk down to you. Infertility is horrible, but she shouldn't use it as a way to shame you. She needs to get over herself and allow others to be happy for their own pregnancies. I hate when adults expect everyone to cater to their hurt feelings. It's not like you are throwing it in her face.

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