Sometimes I sit here and think.. Why am even here? Why do you I stay around when no one really cares? My husband treats me like shit. My kids dont care whether I'm around them or not. I am all by myself. Im alone in everything I do. I hate my fucking family and Im pretty sure they hate me too.
A lot of you on here will probably write smart ass comments about how I just want attention and you may be right to some degree. All I want is for someone to actually care about me. There is nothing wrong with that, right? Every now and then I want some fucking attention.
All I do is think about just killing myself. I have made a post before about it but all I got was some replies about how my kids need me and not to be selfish. My kids dont need me. I have learned that today. They dont ask for me or cry for me when they are with their dad. I get pushed to the side, like I always have.
Some days I think that this is just a phase. But most days I cant even get out of bed. This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my life. I know other people are worse off than I am but right now I feel pretty fucking horrible. Im drowning in something I will never be able to swim my way out of, and I may not even try to get out of it. I have felt this way before I had kids and I had my kids when I was very young. Is this something that 21 year olds should be going through? It doesnt even matter if I actually post this or not. If i delete it which I probably will, I will just get an automated message from Cafe Mom saying that they are sorry I am having a hard time right now.. blah blah blah. Like they actually care.
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Sorry if there are any typos because I just dont give a shit about being a spelling, grammar and punctuation nazi right now.