I am NEVER mean when we go to visit, I always try to start and continue a conversation (unless it's about something personal I don't feel comfortable sharing) and I always thank her for her gifts and bring her back stuff and offer to drive her around and whatever she wants.
Apparently this is not enough. DH says I need to be friends with her. I need to go over and sit and have coffee with her. I need to go shopping with her. I need to call her up just to talk to her.
I DON'T LIKE HER!!! She is judgemental and rude. She is unable to keep anything I tell her private. She gossips constantly about my SIL's and I know from my sil's that she has said stuff about me. My dh tells me that him and her were discussing what I said the other day and how weird it was. . .
we went shopping after I had my third baby. I was 40 pounds heavier than normal and she was parading me through teenager stores like American eagle, Pacific sunwear, forever 21 and showing me shirt after shirt after shirt that would have been too small for me pre baby and then complained that i "didn't like anything in that whole mall" because I didn't like anything she showed me.
She CONSTANTLY tells me that I should be whipping my dh into shape while she coddles him and enables him to be nearly completely dependant upon her. She CONSTANTLY tells me what I should wear, how I should act, how I should be raising my kids. She gets upset that I won't rearrange my house to suit her. . .she is not a "friend" to me. . .
I try telling dh that most importantly I have never, ever been purposely rude or mean to her. I am only ever civil and pleasant when we are together like I said I do stuff for her all the time but its not enough.
I guess what I want to know is what is your relationship with your MIL like? How do you deal with it and is your dh supportive of your feelings for her?
ADDITIONAL: also, apparently if I walk into a room, smile and wave and say "hi" this is not good enough, I need to address her PERSONALLY otherwise I am ignoring her