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DH is making us go broke!!! Update- AWESOME UPDATE :-D

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I am a SAHM, have been for about 7ish months. DH works a 40 hour week (night shift) and makes about $400 a week. We can live off of that pretty easily if we dont blow our money on stupid shit. DH does relatively well with his paychecks, he tends to be late making his car insurance payment but it always get paid, the real problem is when we come into any kind of "extra" money. Like our tax refunds. We had some bills to pay off, our rings, his hospital bill, ect. But when I opened his bank statement $2,000 was gone within 2 months! (I dont open them every month). I have no idea what all that went to! Bills, some things we had to buy for DS like a highchair and new clothes, some things for the house (new pans, organizational things) but that doesnt even equal $1,000!!!!!
We do not have a joint bank account because he doesnt want one. I know technically its all his money since he is the only one working but WE need that money. I make out precise budgets, have all appointments and bills on the calendar on the wall and even write him out a list if we have multiple things we need to do or bills to pay.
I dont know how to stop his money spending! We have a talk about money and then he runs out and buys a DVD season o_O
What would you do?

Update: So, DH agreed that to help us save he will start putting $50 into my bank account each week for me to keep track of. I can spend it if he isnt home and I need to go get something for me or the baby but its purpose is to be saved. His name is not on the account so there is no way he can blow it. This leaves him around $100 of spending money after bills. I explained to him that after this recent money dissapearance I feel that he needs to have to go through me to touch our extra money and he actually agreed. He still does not want a joint bank account though, he has no reason other than "I just want them seperate.". So be it, if the extra money is going into my private account its safe.
The missing money: He let his coworker borrow $500 for rent. He said he didnt tell me because I'd be pissed, I am pissed. This coworker always seems to need to borrow money from someone and while I know he will pay it back it could take months. I personally know the coworkers wife and texted her asking if she knew anything about this and she said "Yes, he didnt tell you?". I lit into him about how thats our money WE need and its a huge trust issue if he is letting people borrow money and not telling me. Hopefully it doesnt happen again but thank God it wasnt for drugs or spent gambling or something.
Obviously all our problems are not resolved, he still see's the money as "his" but its a step in the right direction.

Awesome Update! :) Tonight DH agreed to get a joint bank account! I told him about how if he died tomorrow he would leave us with nothing because my name is not on the account (which is something I didnt even know until a few ladies mentioned it here!). So we will be going to the bank tomorrow! He also said he'd like us to make wills to make sure I get anything else he would leave behind which I think is a great idea! Thank you to the ladies who gave me advice on how to talk to him about this! I was actually surprised he agreed to it so easily tonight but I guess the thought of him dying and leaving our son and I with nothing pulled his head out of his ass real quick!
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:56 PM
Replies (21-30):
Diamepphyre
by Ruby Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Actually, no, in most states, the money belongs to both of you regardless of which partner earns it.  And the only thing you can do is talk to him about your concerns.

auntietotty
by Ruby Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe think of a long term goal you (both) want to save for...maybe that would make him not want to spend spend spend. 

I guess I dont understand the"money burning a hole in the pocket so gotta spend it" syndrome.  We are savers though..it's like a quest or something for us.

 

wymama610
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:20 PM
4 moms liked this

WOW. You have some big problems brewing.......

get a job, get your own account and make a plan moving forward. Don't let him drag you and your kids down with him.

What kind of a man works 40 hours a week and only brings in $1600 a month? That is pretty pathetic in itself. You should be working already IMO

Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\


Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!


brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband and I used to argue about money. then we made a way to do it that worked for both of us. you just need to communicate and hash it out. :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:25 PM
1 mom liked this

1.  It is NOT HIS MONEY.  You are married.  If you are both in agreement that you will be a SAHM, the money is still a marital asset, so it belongs to the both of you.

2.  Does he admit he has a problem?  If so, ask him to let you help.  Start by taking over the finances and giving him CASH allowance to spend.  Using cash actually creates a psychological barrier to spending the money.  He can physically watch it disappear, which will help him slow down.

bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:26 PM
Umm... nope.. Thats my biggest issue...


Quoting Crazy-Steph:

You have bigger issues than missing money.



Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\






Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!


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CBMomma42
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:27 PM
You said you looked at his account...does it not show his purchases with a debit card? I would be fuming. $2000 is a heck of a lot of money to just piss away.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:29 PM
We do have goals! He wants a new car (needs really) and we want to buy a house! We need those tax refunds to do it :-\


Quoting auntietotty:

Maybe think of a long term goal you (both) want to save for...maybe that would make him not want to spend spend spend. 


I guess I dont understand the"money burning a hole in the pocket so gotta spend it" syndrome.  We are savers though..it's like a quest or something for us.


 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:33 PM
Why should I work when he makes enough? He gets paid fairly well at his job actaully (for the area we live in). He has no college degree's so thats obviously a factor. Like I said, we can live comfortably off of what he makes but we cant do the big things like buy a house or new car without our tax refundsand he blows those.


Quoting wymama610:

WOW. You have some big problems brewing.......

get a job, get your own account and make a plan moving forward. Don't let him drag you and your kids down with him.

What kind of a man works 40 hours a week and only brings in $1600 a month? That is pretty pathetic in itself. You should be working already IMO

Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\





Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I would confront him and find out where the money went. Then I'd go back to work and be really upfront about why. I'd tell him point blank that I was doing it because he isn't capable of providing.

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