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DH is making us go broke!!! Update- AWESOME UPDATE :-D

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I am a SAHM, have been for about 7ish months. DH works a 40 hour week (night shift) and makes about $400 a week. We can live off of that pretty easily if we dont blow our money on stupid shit. DH does relatively well with his paychecks, he tends to be late making his car insurance payment but it always get paid, the real problem is when we come into any kind of "extra" money. Like our tax refunds. We had some bills to pay off, our rings, his hospital bill, ect. But when I opened his bank statement $2,000 was gone within 2 months! (I dont open them every month). I have no idea what all that went to! Bills, some things we had to buy for DS like a highchair and new clothes, some things for the house (new pans, organizational things) but that doesnt even equal $1,000!!!!!
We do not have a joint bank account because he doesnt want one. I know technically its all his money since he is the only one working but WE need that money. I make out precise budgets, have all appointments and bills on the calendar on the wall and even write him out a list if we have multiple things we need to do or bills to pay.
I dont know how to stop his money spending! We have a talk about money and then he runs out and buys a DVD season o_O
What would you do?

Update: So, DH agreed that to help us save he will start putting $50 into my bank account each week for me to keep track of. I can spend it if he isnt home and I need to go get something for me or the baby but its purpose is to be saved. His name is not on the account so there is no way he can blow it. This leaves him around $100 of spending money after bills. I explained to him that after this recent money dissapearance I feel that he needs to have to go through me to touch our extra money and he actually agreed. He still does not want a joint bank account though, he has no reason other than "I just want them seperate.". So be it, if the extra money is going into my private account its safe.
The missing money: He let his coworker borrow $500 for rent. He said he didnt tell me because I'd be pissed, I am pissed. This coworker always seems to need to borrow money from someone and while I know he will pay it back it could take months. I personally know the coworkers wife and texted her asking if she knew anything about this and she said "Yes, he didnt tell you?". I lit into him about how thats our money WE need and its a huge trust issue if he is letting people borrow money and not telling me. Hopefully it doesnt happen again but thank God it wasnt for drugs or spent gambling or something.
Obviously all our problems are not resolved, he still see's the money as "his" but its a step in the right direction.

Awesome Update! :) Tonight DH agreed to get a joint bank account! I told him about how if he died tomorrow he would leave us with nothing because my name is not on the account (which is something I didnt even know until a few ladies mentioned it here!). So we will be going to the bank tomorrow! He also said he'd like us to make wills to make sure I get anything else he would leave behind which I think is a great idea! Thank you to the ladies who gave me advice on how to talk to him about this! I was actually surprised he agreed to it so easily tonight but I guess the thought of him dying and leaving our son and I with nothing pulled his head out of his ass real quick!
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 7:56 PM
Replies (41-50):
bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 PM
Well either way I will be raising a child with him, whether we are together or not... But I at least know he isnt into hookers... He has astrict scheduleand I frequently and randomly call his work to speak with him on his 15 minute breaks. When he isnt at work he is home except when he is maybe 20 minutes late (enough time to maybe meet to buy drugs but not enough time to go be with a prostitute).


Quoting Anonymous:

Either way, that is not an honest man, nor is he the kind of man you should raise a child with. In my experience, I didn't have any idea about the drugs until I found evidence on his phone. He started going to prostitutes after I found out I was pregnant and I refused to have sex anymore. And the only reason I found out about that is because I had an exbf (who I am still close with) who was a Marine tail him one weekend. I packed my things that night and cleared the apartment before he even got home.



Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\






Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!


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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 PM
1 mom liked this
You must live in a very, very low cost of living area. $1,600/month for a family is poverty level here.

Quoting bear.katten:

Why should I work when he makes enough? He gets paid fairly well at his job actaully (for the area we live in). He has no college degree's so thats obviously a factor. Like I said, we can live comfortably off of what he makes but we cant do the big things like buy a house or new car without our tax refundsand he blows those.




Quoting wymama610:

WOW. You have some big problems brewing.......

get a job, get your own account and make a plan moving forward. Don't let him drag you and your kids down with him.

What kind of a man works 40 hours a week and only brings in $1600 a month? That is pretty pathetic in itself. You should be working already IMO

Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\








Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!





wymama610
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM

I guess if it works for you....... My husband was laid off for a month or so and brought in more than that on unemployment. I don't have a college degree and made more than that every two weeks.  I just personally can't imagine trying to raise kids on so little money and being happy. You must get food stamps or something right? Regardless, if you can't trust him to not be on drugs, that is a HUGE issue. Prepare to work when things go to shit. One of you has to support your kid.

Quoting bear.katten:

Why should I work when he makes enough? He gets paid fairly well at his job actaully (for the area we live in). He has no college degree's so thats obviously a factor. Like I said, we can live comfortably off of what he makes but we cant do the big things like buy a house or new car without our tax refundsand he blows those.


Quoting wymama610:

WOW. You have some big problems brewing.......

get a job, get your own account and make a plan moving forward. Don't let him drag you and your kids down with him.

What kind of a man works 40 hours a week and only brings in $1600 a month? That is pretty pathetic in itself. You should be working already IMO

Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\





Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!





Suzy_Sunshine
by Gold Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't know where to begin.

It is not his money, it is your money as a couple. $400 is not enought money for one person let alone a couple... nevermind a family.

You need a job!

Val99
by Ruby Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Get a job and get your own bank account or he'll always treat you like a child and like all money is his.

bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:45 PM
Um yea the money is the biggest issue. If he wants to be dumband do drugs thats HIS issue. I helped him once and he KNOWS he gets 1 chance with something like that. I wont go through that again. So yes, the money is my concern. The money is what keeps a roof over our heads and food in my sons belly. If he wants to throw his life away for drugs he can but he cannot bring DS and I down too!


Quoting Crazy-Steph:

You're not sure that your husband isn't on drugs, but missing money is your biggest issue?



Quoting bear.katten:

Umm... nope.. Thats my biggest issue...






Quoting Crazy-Steph:

You have bigger issues than missing money.







Quoting bear.katten:

I worry aboutwhere the money went but I really dont want to know. I know there are no whore houses involved but I cant be 100% sure it didnt go to drugs :-\










Quoting Anonymous:

I had an ex who had two jobs and would come home with every excuse possible about what happened to all of the missing money. I found out all of the money was going to his crack habit and to whore houses that I was unaware of. START DIGGING NOW FOR WHATEVER HE'S HIDING BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
sheymann
by Silver Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:46 PM

So the fact that he might be blowing YOUR money on drugs doesn't concern you? 

You need to talk to him asap and get him help if he's on drugs or help him if he's just addicted to spending money... 

some people.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:46 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm more concerned with you thinking $400 a week is enough to live on.  Set higher goals for yourself.

bear.katten
by on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:48 PM
Umm... We live on it just fine...


Quoting Suzy_Sunshine:

I don't know where to begin.

It is not his money, it is your money as a couple. $400 is not enought money for one person let alone a couple... nevermind a family.

You need a job!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
mrsherron
by Bronze Member on Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

That is exactly why my DH is on a cash only budget (although he does have a credit card with a low limit on it for emergencies like needing gas and not having cash). We only have joint accounts because DH can't balance a bank account to save his life. He can't keep track of his spending and as no clue how to budget unless he sees the money in his hand and can see how fast it's getting spent. I love him to death but he use to blow right through any budget I made. Bless his heart, he has tried over the years we've been together, but it's a lost cause. I have things I can't do, he can't handle money. He makes the money (most of it anyway) and I handle it from the time it hits the checking account. I remember what it's like to wonder where the heck a big chunk of money went though. It sucks.

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