My medically induced miscarriage story. TMI (trigger?) 6:28pm update!
I should be 8 weeks pregnant today. But I am actually passing my baby as I type. My baby never grew past the 5th week.
Today I was finally given 3 choices.
2. go home to wait for a natural miscarriage. (I waited 2 weeks already)
3. Take a drug called Cytotec (Or also known as Misoprostol)
I chose to take the pills. I did not want to risk the issues that could a D&C could cause in the future. And I honestly dont know how much longer I could wait for the sake of my mental health.
TODAY IS APRIL 23,2013
So tonight at 8pm I had to insert 4 200mg pills of Cytotec in my vagina.
At 8:20pm I already felt slight pressure type cramps so I took a painkiller (percocet) as I knew it would take some time to take effect.
At 8:40pm I had a cramp that took my breath away. How can this drug act so quickly!!! I was NOT prepared for this!! I thought I had HOURS!!!!
9:00pm I start bleeding. Very light but the blood is bright red. I felt a sadness but I felt relief that I could finally move past this hurt soon.
9:30pm I am dying of thirst! I have already had 4 16oz bottles of water and need another. I stand and The blood just pours. I can feel it and for a moment I panic! I am pregnant I shouldn't be bleeding!!! Then it hits me...I am only carrying a shell of what would have been my baby. And the sadness and guilt set in. I clean myself up and change my pad. I down some water and start crying because I feel so weak. I feel like I failed, I feel like my body failed me. I am hurting but I finally have a answer and I can move forward.
9:56pm I try to lay down. I cant sleep. I am only starting this painful (mentally, physically and emotionally)journey.
10:20pm DH runs to the store to grab me some more pads (bigger overnight after you give birth kind of pads). I get lost in thought. Not sure what that thought is but I do. Then a cramp hits and all I can do is think please dont pass out! My kids are here and I am alone with them! What was I thinking!!!! He should have never left!
10:40ish Pm Dh comes home and I am crying. I was so stupid to think I should be alone when I am losing blood rapidly. (Dr. says its okay for 2-3 hours but to call if it last longer then that or if I pass out and cant be woken in 3 minutes or less)
10:57pm and I am planing on writing my experience through out the night. I need something to do to keep my mind off of the pain.
It is 11:20pm I am so cold. I cant stop shivering. I am thankful for every single comment! I decided to take a prenatal vitamin in-case my blood loss is more then I anticipate, Also took a extra does of Iron. The cramping is coming more often, but the pain is not too bad.
11:46: About 3 minutes ago I was reading a comment and something told me to run to the bathroom. I got there just in time to to pull my pants down and a clot about the size of a silver dollar came out of me :( I did as my doctor asked and put in water and if I saw any grayish white matter to seal it in a bag. I am pretty sure I just passed The sac In tact with baby inside of it ( looks almost like a line with a rounded top). But I am so unsure. I am in shock. I am reading every comment with my husband holding me. We both want to say thank you! I never expected to see so many other that have delt with this pain. I want to say that I am so sorry for every loss that I have read about. My heart breaks for every story! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers as well tonight!
Today is APRIL 24,2013
12:56am I am in so much pain! I have taken two pain killers and I am in so much pain. I am starting to vomit from so much pain.
2:25am The pain is mostly in check. I would relate the pain to a contraction.. just quicker to peak and slower to drop in pain. I have passed several golf ball sized clots and a few egg sized and 2 that were a bit larger. I spent the better part of the past hour talking and bursting into tears with my husband. He is trying so hard to be strong. I love him. I love that he is so open with me to share his pain, thoughts and feeling with me. We are going to be okay.. maybe not today but one day. I am sad, I am a little angry and I am feeling a little lost. I am amazed still. I still find it amazing how two lines can generate so much love in a family! Thank you all for your thoughts, concerns and comments! I have read every single one of them! And I want you each to know that every one of them has touched my heart and I know I will never forget them and the feeling of hope and healing you guys have made me feel! You are an amazing group of women!
3:30am I am finally tired enough to sleep. I am light headed and my bleeding is super heavy. I have my husband who has an alarm set for every hour to check on me and wake me to change my pad. My best friend is calling every 3 hours and my mom is calling every 3 hours as well. Again thank you all for your kind words!
7:25am- the pain woke me up for good about 15 minutes ago. I am going to make this short. I woke up 3 times to change my pad and still ended up bleeding through and onto the towel I place under myself. I am still passing clots. and the bleeding is heavy. I am tired and the heating pad is making little to no difference.
8:20am I laid back down. I was light headed and bleeding a lot. I fell asleep until 1pm
1:40pm I stood up from my nap (full sleep! yay) and felt a huge gush and ran to the bathroom (about a foot or two from my bedroom door). I ended up bleeding through the pad, and my pants. I can only explain that it was like an explosion happened! Blood in the hallway, bathroom and all over me. (GROSS, Sorry for the TMI) I called my mom and my best friend.back.
2:00pm I took another pain killer and another prenatal.
2:15PM I made myself 2 boiled eggs, a peanut butter sandwich and ate some veggie sticks and ranch.
3:22pm I am really tired and have changed my pad over 40 times in the past 12 hours. I am light headed and dizzy. I am trying to drink plenty of water. I think I regret that we dont eat any prepackaged food. I really dont wish to cook dinner tonight :/
6:28pm I took a nap and got up about 45 minutes ago. I am still passing clots (about the size of quarter) and am still bleeding but it has become more "period" like. I am not worried about the blood loss yet. I am still quite light headed. I have found that if I move too quick (like running to the bathroom) that I will get dizzy for a moment. I am in very little pain at this point which is nice. I can take my mind off the situation for a bit. I also have the worst headache. the meds have helped with that. (800mg Ibuprofen) I am still tired but I want to take a nice long shower. I have a lot of feeling and can think more clearly so I plan to come back in awhile and write it all out. This has been very comforting for me to get it out and be able to share my hurt. loss. confusion, sorrow and pain. I am proud that I am not allowing myself to slip into a depression.
7:35pm How I am feeling. I keep feeling lost. I feel confused at times. Like When I start to take pain meds I panic a little think its wrong to do when you're pregnant. Im trying to be strong but I still find myself breaking down every so often. I am dizzy. I think I will go call me dr.