Dear Wife, Iâ€™m writing you this letter to tell you that Iâ€™m leaving you forever. Iâ€™ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnâ€™t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You donâ€™t tell me you love me anymore; you donâ€™t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youâ€™re cheating on me or you donâ€™t love me anymore; whatever the case, Iâ€™m gone.
P.S. donâ€™t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itâ€™s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youâ€™ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnâ€™t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was â€˜You look just like a girl!â€™ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canâ€™t say something nice, I didnâ€™t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonâ€™t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I donâ€™t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatâ€™s not a problem.