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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I married a Muslim from Afghanistan

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 204 Replies
1 mom liked this

He's a liberal Muslim

Very Americanized, so to speak

He married me when my son was 4 so took my son as his own, but my sons dad has him 3 days a week so it's not like a 24/7 thing.

He takes my son to Mosque every week for a few hours and we practice Ramadan as a family and other "holidays"

My sons dad is a Christian, again very liberal one

I am buddhist

We, DH and I are planning to go visit his home at some point so that will be interesting, most likely when my son is a bit older and his Farsi is better we will all go together.

We speak Arabic around the home, which freaks my family out lol but I need to learn so I don't care

btw...I am mixed, My dad is Black and French and my mom is German

My mom had the biggest issue with this.  Because I dated a muslim before and she started crying so with him I didn't tell her anything about his religious background I just said he was from the middle east and she'll like him.  And she did, when I told her about him being from Afghanistan she was shocked but she already liked him so she couldn't be all pissy about it.

Any questions?

I will note, with his family it was harder. There are certain things expected of me that I refuse to do.  FOr instance, I will not convert, I will practice with him when its needed, like Ramadan or wearing a Hijab to mosque, but I will not convert.  But inreturn I spent so much time with him mom and sister learning everything I could, from cooking, to traditions, to everything. 

He also wants me to convert, but so far I have been a good wife to a Muslim husband so he understands.


ALSO lol I make more money than him, he doesn't like it, but I think after a certain amount of money it shouldn't matter.  My cash is limitless, I can choose to work a few months and get paid what most people make in a year, or I can work year round and make what people take 3-4 years to make, its just part of my job, but he doesn't like it. Feels like he is failing as a provider. That is a BIG thing because most of his female family members don't even work and arent expected to. 

Ask anything, maybe you have a similar struggle?

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ElitestJen
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Nope.  I married a Christian from the USA.  I do whatever I want.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM
2 moms liked this

I would never, but its your life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:55 PM

Thats the most popular response I get in real life.

Quoting Anonymous:

I would never, but its your life.


Freela
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:59 PM

Interesting. I'm also in a cross-cultural marriage. It has its own unique challenges. For us the issue is more that dh wasn't really raised to participate in his parents' traditional culture and religion. He is an atheist who is basically disinterested in cultural traditions. On the other hand, his parents have become much more traditional since their other son went the total opposite way and had an arranged marriage with a girl from a much more traditional family. This kind of leads to dh and I living in a totally different world from the rest of his family at this point, and there is always kind of a sense of estrangement there. They obviously prefer the arranged DIL, her family, her child, over myself and our children. It is difficult.

Would you recommend a similar marriage to your own children in the future? What would you tell them if they chose to marry into a very different culture?

I know with my kids, I would tell them that they need to marry the person that they love and that they can't imagine not spending the rest of their life with, but they also need to go in realizing that the situation with the family may never get better, or may get worse, and that they need to be sure they can live with that over time. I always expected things to improve with his family once we were married, once the kids were born, etc. It has actually gotten more strained with time. My husband is the absolute love of my life... we've been married for 15 years, have been a couple for 5 years before that (since I was 15 years old)... but I won't lie and say that the cultural issues haven't made things a lot harder!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I could never be with a Muslim. But that's me. Good luck. You can't help who you fall in love with.

KGreen75
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:02 PM

Interesting.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:03 PM
7 moms liked this

want a cookie? i mean really...who cares?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:04 PM

I would recommend a similar relationship in the future. I would give advice saying to stay true to yourself and stay true to who you love and everything will work out.  You will compromise as needed and make sacrifices but don't look at small sacrifices and compromise as you swtiching cultures, you are joining them.

Quoting Freela:

Interesting. I'm also in a cross-cultural marriage. It has its own unique challenges. For us the issue is more that dh wasn't really raised to participate in his parents' traditional culture and religion. He is an atheist who is basically disinterested in cultural traditions. On the other hand, his parents have become much more traditional since their other son went the total opposite way and had an arranged marriage with a girl from a much more traditional family. This kind of leads to dh and I living in a totally different world from the rest of his family at this point, and there is always kind of a sense of estrangement there. They obviously prefer the arranged DIL, her family, her child, over myself and our children. It is difficult.

Would you recommend a similar marriage to your own children in the future? What would you tell them if they chose to marry into a very different culture?

I know with my kids, I would tell them that they need to marry the person that they love and that they can't imagine not spending the rest of their life with, but they also need to go in realizing that the situation with the family may never get better, or may get worse, and that they need to be sure they can live with that over time. I always expected things to improve with his family once we were married, once the kids were born, etc. It has actually gotten more strained with time. My husband is the absolute love of my life... we've been married for 15 years, have been a couple for 5 years before that (since I was 15 years old)... but I won't lie and say that the cultural issues haven't made things a lot harder!


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:05 PM
3 moms liked this

I noticed you cared enough to click

Quoting Anonymous:

want a cookie? i mean really...who cares?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:06 PM
1 mom liked this
My husband and I are equally yolked, so to speak. That's a very difficult situation you are in and I wish you the best.
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